Inspiration Corner

During my year abroad in England, my BFF and I would gallivant all over Europe and put studying off until the absolute last minute. We called this period of intense studying, "Office Crunch Time," or OCT. We also would each select an inspirational photo to have with us at our computers as we sat working in the lab late each night. OCT and the photos were more about humor than anything else. We picked silly pictures to remind us of more lighthearted times, and we referred to OCT as though it were something serious and dreadful. Something we could look back on and celebrate surviving through. Like boot camp.

Well those days are long gone. As you already know I actually don't wait to the last minute to study any more and I don't treat this constant OCT time lightheartedly. I do, however, still like to have inspirational things around me while I work. Here is a photo of my current "Inspirational Corner."

In this corner you will find the following:

1) A Staples "That was easy!" button, from my mother. It gives me GREAT and very cheesy satisfaction to hit the button when I complete a large task. It feels even better than crossing things off a list. A-Type Personality, anyone???

2) Lego Man. A going away gift from my LA b*tches (KA and the Princepesa). He has come to replace Lego Lady. It's a long and silly story.

3) My Nurse Quacktitioner (from KA). She's just cute! When I'm a Nurse Practitioner one day, I hope to be just as cute. Maybe more in a non-duck kind of way though.

4) A key from my father. Functionally it works to open the club he gave me to keep my car safe. I keep it in Inspiration Corner to remember that he loves me. Sometimes I forget.

5) My Red Blood Cell stuffed animal from the Wombat. RBC's are my favorite cells and this is the cutest, cuddliest RBC that ever there was!

There are other inspirational things around my apartment too. I've got the beautiful elephant from HBo by my door, the glass globe KM gave me on the other side of my desk, the toy BP cuff and stethoscope from KQ and G in my living room, and Pierre-the-fish from The General on my bookshelf. Oh, and there's the plant the Evil Sith Lord gave me when he left! I almost killed it during the trek cross country. It froze overnight in the uHual while we passed through Arizona, but now it is growing new leaves!

In an unrelated topic...whenever I get the opportunity to hear what guys really think about girls/relationships, it makes me want to run away and hide from men forever. Men and women are so very different. I "get" why that is, but it always surprises me.

Beautiful B's

This past weekend was a good one. I did the usual (study all day every day) but I did manage to get out on Friday and Saturday night. Friday we went dancing at the local neighborhood bar. Saturday was a big Gay Pride parade. Sharpie, a non RN friend, had a rooftop party. The streets were blocked off, the air was full of live music, it was a hot summer night and I had a pretty dress on. I was THRILLED to be out and socializing.

So far this week has been more of the same. I'm actually feeling kind of down today. I had my first exam and I got a B. I know I should be happy, 'cause it's better than a C, but I'm not. It's one thing if I wasn't studying, but ALL I DO is study. The problem, I believe, is that I'm not quite in the groove yet when it comes to thinking like a nurse. And also, there's not a lot of black-and-white about medical things. Most of our questions are about patient situations and how we would respond. Based on the scientific facts, how I would respond might not necessarily be wrong, but then I have no real-world nursing experience and I don't necessarily think the way my professor does. And therein lies the problem.

I can study the facts until, well, forever. But that won't necessarily mean an A. And it won't necessarily mean a B either. But it also doesn't mean I won't pass my classes and become a great Nurse Practitioner. I have to become content with the idea that passing = good. B's aren't bad, they're beautiful. And if I keep saying that maybe I'll begin to believe it.

Excessive Excess

I just saw a bit of a "My Super Sweet 16" episode on MTV. I've never liked this show. The way it promotes excess and superficial extravagance just can't be healthy. And even though it is a TV show and it only represents a small portion of reality, it makes me feel embarrassed about being American. Regardless, it was a good thing to have on in the background while I took five minutes to clean my room.

This episode was about a little prima donna who had a white-themed party. Everything was white and silver. Aesthetically speaking, it was quite lovely (I'm in to tasteful color-coordinated decoration). But then they did the "Daddy's Money" portion of the evening. There was a phone-booth sized stand where a fan blew money up into the air. People attending the party could go inside for a finite amount of time and grab what they could of "Daddy's Money." As the money-hungry 16 year-olds scrambled to get in and get some, "daddy" stood on the sidelines and beamed.

I couldn't watch any more after that.

Explanation to Follow

The keys in the front door of my apartment are wrong. They are backwards. You have to turn the lock into the door jam to open it. And then the door sticks. Usually I try to unlock both locks and in the process relock them. Then when I finally do unlock them (for reals), the door sticks and makes me think I really didn’t unlock them in the first place. I try it again before I figure it out. Five minutes later the door finally is open. Monday was the first time that I opened both my locks without even thinking about it. I celebrated with…reading a chapter in one of my text books.

It is almost the end of the second week of school and some things (like how my door works!) are starting to click. I don’t have to think every minute about where I’m supposed to be and what I should be doing. My body has adjusted to appreciating six hours of sleep, satisfying adrenaline-induced hunger with what is cheap and backpack friendly, and feeling clear-headed only if I spend time with the treadmill.

Since living here I’ve eaten a lot of Indian take-out. It’s lasted longer than my normal food obsessions. I crave Indian food like it’s water. I can’t get enough of it. Which got me thinking…when I studied abroad in England I ate Indian food all the time. It filled the void that Mexican food occupied in my So Cal life. While I can still get Mexican food here in lovely B’more, I want Indian more. I wonder if my Indian cravings tap into some sort of conditioned you-are-away-from-home-but-will-survive neurological pathway from my time in the UK. Whatever the reason, I want it more than I can afford to buy it. So I’ve started to cook it myself! It’s not as good but it fills the need. For now.

So I’ve got my Indian food habits in place and my door unlocks with ease. It’s all coming together right? That’s how I felt on Monday. But then Tuesday hit and everything felt like it was falling apart. And by “everything” I really mean that school was hard that day. We had a crazy three hour lecture that left me staring at the prof--jaw dropped, eyes wide, peripheral blood vessels vasoconstricted (pale skin) all to non-verbally convey the expression: you’ve got to be kidding. The prof kept talking about things we didn’t understand and when we questioned it, her answer was, “I’ll explain later.”

Today was better then yesterday. We talked about how to give a male patient a bed bath. Someone asked what to do if the man gets “turned on.” We all laughed because every single one of us—girl and guy alike—wondered the same thing. We were instructed, in that situation, to act as though it weren’t a big deal, tell him something to the effect of, “It happens all the time,” and save any school-girl giggling until we’re safely in the lounge with our nurse friends.

When I left school the sky was dark. There was thunder, lighting and torrential rain. My friends and I missed the shuttle bus by seconds and got drenched. Cars drove by and splashed us with the puddles on the side of the road. We laughed through our shivering. All the laughter was good.

All the things that weren’t explained still haven’t been, but for the second time I was able to unlock my door with ease.

Today was better then yesterday. That is what matters.

Stupid Myspace

Myspace is stupid because it gives you the opportunity to spy on all the guys in your past.

And honestly, for a variety of reasons, spying on past guys and their happy little lives never makes me feel good.

Further Explanation

Regarding my financial whining from yesterday--I don't want to make it sound like I am actually starving. As most people who have had to pay for a new home or for school knows, moving into a life based on less income and a tighter budget is always challgening. Especially if you have been used to not worrying about these sorts of things. Since I am very type-A and tend to be a worrier, I also tend to panic pretty easily. That's all that was about. I know we all have had financial concerns at one point or another. I just happen to be at the peak of one right now.

Stomping My Feet

Baltimorian's pronounce "Baltimore" without the 't' sound, so that the 't' sounds more like a soft 'd.' In fact, it sounds sort of like Voldemort (if the final 't' in Voldemort were silent). I wonder if anyone else has ever made that connection...or if it's just my crazy over-scienced brain making connections to a Harry Potter world as a form of escape.

So...I'm really poor. No--I'm really, REALLY poor. I'm thinking things like, "You don't really need to take the bus...walk and save the $3." Or, "Can I afford that small 7-11 drip coffee today?" I don't like it. Not one bit. I actually added Top Ramen to my shopping list the other day. But I can't afford to go grocery shopping until next week. Such is the life of a second-time college/grad student, I suppose.

JHU is very advanced, in terms of online devices. They're probably on par with every other large, private and over-funded higher educational institute in America. However, compared to the JC I did my pre-reqs at, JHU is very advanced. Most of the time, I appreciate that very much. But the other night I was having some trouble with new software related to all their super advanced IT-ness. I decided to take a break and do something relaxing, to step away from my brewing frustration. I wanted to update my iPod software. In the process, I somehow deleted half of the music library on my hard drive (over 25 GB). The music is still on my iPod, but you can't transfer music in that direction. Fortunately, I have back-up CD's with everything on it, but I lost all my play lists. It takes a lot of time to organize/add all that music back in! Wah, wah.

In response to all my techno-issues, I literally stomped my feet in frustration. School is making me revert to a less mature version of me.

Speaking of school...today was my 3rd day of classes, and I am (illegally) taking a minute to do non-school related things right now (writing this post). But it's only a few minutes...and I had some stuff to share.

There have been a couple of moments over the past week (usually in class or when I was at orientation) where I had a quick, intense, fleeting feeling of "What the hell am I doing?!?!"

I looked around at a room full of people I barely know, in a city that barely feels like home, in a field of study where everything is new to me and I feel constantly stupid 'cause I can't do the most basic of things, on a side of the country that is miles and miles away from everything that feels "right" to me. And I think, "What have I gotten myself in to?"

And then the instructor puts up a new power point slide. And I start furiously writing to keep up with her. And class ends, and I take the bus home to an apartment in the center of Balt...er...The-City-That-Won't-Be-Named* And then life goes on.

I do not doubt what I have done 99.99% of the time. But every now and then, when I'm not looking, that 0.01% creeps in.


*If you don't get this, you should read Harry Potter and possibly become more cool.

Color Me Oriented

(Please note: Today's post is in the three parts.This is the third part. Scroll down to start with the first one, or click here.)

My orientation was last week. It was informative but overwhelming. There are 121 people in my program (7% men). I got to know some of the girls better and met some other nice people. Now I have the group of people I sit with and hang out with. They’re fun, and they all live in my ‘hood. They all live in the same complex, in fact, which makes visiting easy. On Friday night we went down to one of the girls apartments where we had margaritas and played games. I would have been happy to leave it at that, but these girls were set on going out. We did, and it was okay, but I really enjoyed the non-going out part best. I don’t know all these girls that well yet, but I know I will soon, and I’m glad to have that comfort that a group of friends brings.

Speaking of friends…I went to a birthday/house party with my journalist friends. It’s fun having two different groups, and I really like these journalists because they always know about the cool things going on, they’re closer to me in age and interest, and they’re just very interesting/fun/good people. We actually discussed this blog a bit and henceforth the girl I referred to as LK will now be called Fiz Fay. And one of the girls I went to Brew in the Zoo with will now be called Sharpie.

The rest of my weekend has been/will be spent working on school stuff. They gave us some prep work a couple of months ago, which I had almost finished when they announced that we had about 9 more chapters to prepare before Monday. But they didn’t tell us this until Friday!!! That gives us two days to finish our other work and read/prepare 9 more chapters. The funny thing is that they kept saying things like, “Enjoy your last free weekend” and “This is a light weekend. It’s gonna get worse.” Joy.

Here is a picture of all the books I had to buy. Keep in mind, these are only for this summer semester. That means these are 10 weeks worth of books. They cost about $600 in total.

As part of our orientation they gave an extensive presentation on time management and how to stay afloat during these 13 months. They said we need to be ruthless about prioritizing and cutting out non-necessary obligations. We have to learn to say “no.” I am HORRIBLE about saying no. But I do realize it is going to become an important step to maintaining my sanity. That being said, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up with the book club and with some of the photo editing I had in progress ( I have to finish my Spain pictures and edit/post my cross country ones). I’ll also have trouble talking on the phone as much and emailing/blogging as frequently. My apologies ahead of time if I become a bit MIA.

On that note, I must hit the books again. Have a good week and I hope to post more soon!

The Big City Frog

Yesterday I went out in to the suburbs to go to Target. The funny thing is I was REALLY excited about the trip. Not because I love Target and not because I get to shop (I literally have no extra money to spend at all). But because the trip meant I got to drive and I got to go to the suburbs!

Living in the middle of a big city has been interesting. I never thought I lived in a suburban environment before. While I did technically not live in LA proper, it didn’t feel like I was living in the suburbs. I was living in crowded areas and sometimes in places where parking is hard to find. There were people all around, businesses all around, freeways near-by. No, it wasn’t downtown LA but it wasn’t quite like Wisteria Lane either. But now that I live in the heart of B’more, I am discovering the differences. There are good and bad things about living in the middle of a city.

The Good
It is easy to walk everywhere
It is easy to grab a taxi when you don’t want to walk.
There are great restaurants, bars, boutique near-by.
Friends are just down the street.

The Bad
It gets tiring walking everywhere.
I don’t get to drive as much.
It’s hard to find parking when you do need to drive.
The comfort of chains and suburban America is far away.

Lately, it’s been over 90 degrees each day. The AC is hiked up inside every building. Regardless of the heat outside, I always get cold inside. But walking around everywhere, lugging your inside jacket and everything else you need for the day means you sweat a lot. I have a 5 block walk home every day. It’s up a slight hill and in the sun. By the time I get to my apartment I am usually very grumpy. Especially if I had to carry large, expensive, brand new, nursing text books on the journey.

Yesterday, as I was going to my car to drive to suburban Baltimore, I was excited. Excited that I got to drive. Excited that I got to experience the familiarity of the suburbs. Excited that I wouldn’t be driving in congested streets where pedestrians are always j-walking and the potholes are bigger then me. Excited that I got to be on the expressway. Excited that I got to park in a non-parallel spot in front of the store I want to go into.

Yes, I guess I’m more suburban than I thought. And that thought made me miss home.

TJ's, East Coast Style

Happy Sunday! I think it’s going to be difficult writing in here as much as I used to going forward, but I am going to try and commit to at least once a week.

Last Sunday I went to the local Trader Joes for the first time. The only TJs in the area is in the suburbs and due to MD law, they can’t sell wine. I used to buy most of my wine from TJs, so even before going I was prepared to have a different TJ’s experience. And there did turn out to be several other differences. As I walked up and down each aisle, I took a little mental inventory. It went like this: “Good, they carry my favorite salad dressing here,” “Oh no, where is the tomato gnocchi??” and “Wow…I’ve never seen this marinated tuna before.” In the end, this TJ carried most of the things I love. They even had a few new things that I tried since last Sunday and now love too. Which is a bonus. They do not, however, carry two HUGE staples of my So Cal existence. They don’t have my favorite frozen tomato gnocchi dish, and most importantly, THEY DON”T HAVE MY FAVORITE SALSA!!!! Yes, that’s right. The Roasted Tomatillo Salsa is not here in the east coast. And my second favorite salsa, The Medium Especial, isn’t there either. In fact they only had two or three fresh salsas available. I guess that should be expected—we’re much further from Mexico now--but still…a little piece of my heart chipped off and floated away as I noticed these items were not there. And as I noticed there was no space for them. And as I asked about them in panic to a near-by TJ’s employee. And as they confirmed they indeed do not carry such things.

To make the proverbial lemonade, I grabbed two of the three fresh salsas that were available and to my satisfaction, they were pretty good. Nothing STELLAR, but they will do. I even ate them in my normal pace and they were both gone within 36 hours. (I’ve gone back to my salsa-and-chip-as-a-meal pattern).

One of the other differences between this TJs and the ones back home: more seafood and seafood related items. I tried some lovely marinated ahi steaks. They were pretty good!

I also picked up some strawberries. I bought some strawberries the day before at the farmer’s market, but they were almost gone and strawberry season is almost over. Plus these strawberries were the largest I’d seen in a grocery store. Here’s one of them next to an apple. They were almost the same size.












The fact that they were so big made me wonder: are these organic or were they grown with hormones and other bad chemicals? I looked at the package and saw that these strawberries are actually from California. I had been kind of down that day, so when I noticed the strawberries were Californian, it made me sad. Also, they weren't organic. That made me sad too. I guess I had been blinded by their size. Size matters in the berry world.