Waiting

I am so nervous.

Scottish Guy

I am completely twitterpated with a boy we'll call Scottish Guy (SG). We met two weeks ago and had our second date last night.

That's all I can say because I don't want to jinx it.

There's nothing I don't like about him.

Life Recap

So, it's been awhile. First I was just busy to write, then I felt guilty about not having written in so long. Then today, it just felt right. So here I am.

Some quick updates:
I graduated from the first part of my program
I went to Kenya
I took (and passed) the RN licensure exam
I turned 30 and celebrated it in Vegas
I spent almost 2 months reading, lounging and sleeping. It was sinful and luxurious and I am sad it has to stop.

I start working on Monday

I am not looking forward to being a grown up again

I am in the Masters program

I started writing creatively....we'll see what comes of that

AND, I am dating again. People, in general. Well men, specifically. We'll see what comes of that too....

Now that we're all caught up, maybe I'll be better about writing in here again.

OH MY GOD

Why do we do things that we know aren't good for us? Or, why do we choose to do things less good for us when we know there are better options??

Here are some examples of this in my life.

I KNOW I feel so good after I work out. And I'm generally good about doing so regularly, but I usually don't want to. And I often find reasons not to. Why???

I KNOW the kinds of guys I should avoid getting involved with. I know it so well I could write a book about it. And I think I give (or am capable of giving) pretty good advice to others about how to avoid these very guys. But sometimes I continue to make bad decisions. Why???

I KNOW I like to do well in school. And I know I hate to be up late the new night before an exam cramming. I plan to do a little bit of work each day. I spend many minutes figuring out the best way to organize my time most efficiently. Then I proceed to not follow my well-calculated plan and spend the night before the exam cramming. Why???

I used to think that you get smarter as you get older. And in many ways you do. You see, I am now smart enough to know that I do these things. I am smart enough to know that these behavioral patterns typically involve some sort of self-lie. Some sort of whispered non-truth along the lines of, "Working out tomorrow before school is better than doing it tonight," and "Maybe that 26 year old bartender really isn't just looking to get some." Yes, I am smart enough to know that this happens somewhere in my head at some point on that slippery slope. I am even aware of the psychology behind WHY I do some of these things. But I am still not smart enough to NOT do them.

When does that happen? When do you get smart enough to start acting smart all the time??

Last week I was walking with a friend and across the street a woman sitting at the bus stop spontaneously yelled out loud to no one in particular, "OH MY GOD!" It was exactly the kind of thing I feel like doing sometimes.

Go Straight, Then Turn

I'm a bad blogger. I realize this. And I want to write SO much more right now, but I can't. So I will just say a few quick things.

1) My favorite 7-11 guy has moved away! We didn't get to say good-bye! I told the other 7-11 guy to tell my favorite one that I said hi (they're friends). But he pointed out that he didn't know how he'd be able to let him know that the message is from me. And he had a point: we don't know each other's names. All I really knew about him was that he was from India and he worked in the mornings. So, wherever you are Mr. 7-11 man, good-bye and thanks for all the cheerful chatter on those early morning coffee runs! You added something good to my initial B'more days. And I appreciate it.

2) Is it wrong not to go out with someone again because you feel like they are just way too unpolished (in the ways of the world) and would require too much "training?"

3) I HATE HATE HATE driving in Washington DC. I get lost EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It took me an hour just to get to the highway. Streets are all at strange angles, which messes with my normally pretty good internal compass. And the names just change suddenly. I got directions saying "continue on L street then turn right on New York." Simple, right? But then L street turned into something else before New York was an option. So that meant turning around on haphazardly angled one way streets. And that lead to coming across an entirely new area with no recognizable street names. Which meant another gas station visit for guidance along the lines of "Go straight and then turn" was warranted. The good news? I made it home.

Too bad the cheap commuter train doesn't work on the weekends.

Jacket Boy

I have a crush on a boy. He's okay, but it's more a crush of desperation. There are only about 10 guys in my program and most of them are gay. And then there's this guy. I spend most of my Thursday and Friday days with him and usually I am exhausted. Long days together + fatigue-induced spacey-ness + a general lack of supply in the boy department = crush.

Today he loaned me his jacket because he noticed I was cold. I thought that warranted a blog post.

Back to work, back to work, back to work.

Such is Life

This may have been the longest break I've ever taken between posts. It's been busy! When I have time to write (which isn't very often) I don't have the energy to be insightful, creative or communicative. Here are some quick updates:

• Next week is 6th week in a 10 week program. We're in the middle of mid-terms right now.
• Last weekend I drove to New Jersey to visit with KM, her new husband and RJ. It was a long and expensive drive (WTF is up with toll roads on the East Coast?!?!?! I spent $17 one way). I was grumpy on my drive up, as I didn't have the time to spend 6 hours on the road, but I am SO glad I went. It was really rejuvenating spending time with people who know you.
• I've been sort of depressed lately. Which is another reason I haven't written in here. I am not worried about how I feel. I think it makes sense: big life changes, constant stress, total immersion into a completely different way of thinking, etc. On top of that I am rethinking everything about the kind of nursing I want to go into, and that might mean going to a different school after this year. AND I have a horrible clinical instructor. So it's been a hard time lately.
• I don't miss home exactly, but I miss familiar people. It can be exhausting relying solely on new people for all your friend needs. And it just isn't the same...
• I spent 4th of July inner tubing on the Shenandoah River in West Virgina. It was lots of fun and FANTASTIC to be outside not studying.
• I met a nice/interesting/fun boy. I really had a good time with him, but nothing can come of it because he is leaving the area soon. Considering how I'm already feeling a lack of emotional connection to anything Baltimore-related, it kind of felt like a cruel cosmic joke: "Here's someone fun that you enjoy hanging out with....but now he's leaving. Ha, ha, ha!"
• And due to all of the above, I want a pet. I like dogs better then cats but my building doesn't allow dogs, so I have to get a cat. Problem is cats are expensive, so I decided to start babysitting. This solves many problems: it gives me a personal connection with something little to love (it's for one 19 month little boy), it gives me non-taxed cash, paid time to study (little boys need sleep), it is flexible--there is no set structure to when I will work and I can say yes/no depending on what's happening in school, AND the woman I'm sitting for works in the department at a hospital I may want to work at one day, so there are good networking opps. I start tonight!
• While B's are Beautiful , A's are always Awesome and I'm getting A's in 4 out of 5 classes right now.

Inspiration Corner

During my year abroad in England, my BFF and I would gallivant all over Europe and put studying off until the absolute last minute. We called this period of intense studying, "Office Crunch Time," or OCT. We also would each select an inspirational photo to have with us at our computers as we sat working in the lab late each night. OCT and the photos were more about humor than anything else. We picked silly pictures to remind us of more lighthearted times, and we referred to OCT as though it were something serious and dreadful. Something we could look back on and celebrate surviving through. Like boot camp.

Well those days are long gone. As you already know I actually don't wait to the last minute to study any more and I don't treat this constant OCT time lightheartedly. I do, however, still like to have inspirational things around me while I work. Here is a photo of my current "Inspirational Corner."

In this corner you will find the following:

1) A Staples "That was easy!" button, from my mother. It gives me GREAT and very cheesy satisfaction to hit the button when I complete a large task. It feels even better than crossing things off a list. A-Type Personality, anyone???

2) Lego Man. A going away gift from my LA b*tches (KA and the Princepesa). He has come to replace Lego Lady. It's a long and silly story.

3) My Nurse Quacktitioner (from KA). She's just cute! When I'm a Nurse Practitioner one day, I hope to be just as cute. Maybe more in a non-duck kind of way though.

4) A key from my father. Functionally it works to open the club he gave me to keep my car safe. I keep it in Inspiration Corner to remember that he loves me. Sometimes I forget.

5) My Red Blood Cell stuffed animal from the Wombat. RBC's are my favorite cells and this is the cutest, cuddliest RBC that ever there was!

There are other inspirational things around my apartment too. I've got the beautiful elephant from HBo by my door, the glass globe KM gave me on the other side of my desk, the toy BP cuff and stethoscope from KQ and G in my living room, and Pierre-the-fish from The General on my bookshelf. Oh, and there's the plant the Evil Sith Lord gave me when he left! I almost killed it during the trek cross country. It froze overnight in the uHual while we passed through Arizona, but now it is growing new leaves!

In an unrelated topic...whenever I get the opportunity to hear what guys really think about girls/relationships, it makes me want to run away and hide from men forever. Men and women are so very different. I "get" why that is, but it always surprises me.

Updates

I got my apartment in B-more all lined up! YAY! That is a big weight off my shoulders. But I am still waiting on something even bigger: Financial Aid. Yuck.

In other news I spent last night with my “boyfriend”. I watched The Notebook.

And finally, I have a new addiction. Pink Berry. It's so yummy!! I want it ALL the time. Fortunately, and unfortunately, there's one only a couple miles away from my house. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I pass it whenever I get off the freeway to go home.

Up Next, Ryan Gosling!

I had a dream last night I was dating Ryan Gosling, from The Notebook. He was such a good boyfriend in my dream! I totally want to be dating him right now.

I think I dreamed we were dating for two reasons: 1) The Notebook came up last night during our book club meeting, and 2) I've been thinking about relationships a little bit lately because I met a nice boy (see boy story below). He is nice enough that I would maybe want to continue dating, but now he is acting strange. So I think my little sleeping mind pieced these two things together and created a perfect little love between myself and Ryan.

It was a nice dream, and when I woke up, part of me wanted to call this fictious boyfriend of mine. Instead I wrote this blog post. (sigh).

Here's the boy story:

I met him on St. Paddy's day. He is a friend of a friend. We had lots in common and enjoyed one another right away. He even came with me that night to my an ex-coworker's party after we left the bar. Even later that night I met a handful of his friends. We planned to go camping together and when we parted ways, we exchanged numbers. I heard from him the next day over myspace, we emailed a bit, he called me later in the week, and then we went out that Thursday night.

The date was great. He was a perfect gentleman and I had tons of fun with him. The next day we emailed a bit more to discuss the upcoming camping trip. And then.....NOTHING. That's right, NOTHING. No emails or phone calls beyond last Wednesday. WTF?? He seemed in to me. Boys are so strange.

Fortunately, I'm not TOO upset because the situation isn't ideal: no one likes long distance relationships and he may be rebounding (a 3 year relationsip just ended for him). So in the words of Charming, But Single, next!

Wow

Last night I watched the second episode of the Black Donnelly's and it was just as good as the first episode. In watching the second episode, I realized I have a wee crush on the second oldest brother, Tommy (played by Jonathan Tucker). I like him because he's cute. See?

But I also like him because he's fiercely protective, smart, and the only one of the brother's who could rise about all this mob-nonsense. However, his loyalty to his family is what keeps him going. I find that attractive. Well, not how he is violent, but how he's loyal and smart. Also there's an underlying sadness to his character. It is a big reason why he is so protective of his family, and specifically, his older brother. I won't say what it is but it's a huge part of his character and a big factor in his motivation. And somehow that is all appealing to me as well.

So let's recap: he's cute, fundamentally a good person, smart, protective, loyal, and artistically talented (that's what he's going to school for).

Then last night I saw him without his shirt on.

I am not normally drawn to muscular men. I generally prefer nice tone and a good frame over a lot of muscle. But last night when I saw Tommy sans shirt all I could do was hit pause on the DVR and think to myself, "Wow."

I REALLY wish I could have found a photo still from the Sunday episode to share with you all, but alas, I could not.

Unless you watch episode two online, you'll just have to imagine what I am talking about. And while you're doing that I will just keep on thinking, "Wow."

Giving Away the Bride

This past weekend was my BFF's bachlorette party in Vegas. I had a great time! It was truly fun to be out in Vegas again with (13) girlfriends. Despite staying out until 5 AM on Friday night, it was apparent that we're all a bit older. We couldn't hang as long on Saturday night and my feel only just recovered yesterday from two nights of dancing in heels.

Even though the entire weekend was really fun, I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to it. And I think the reason is because the whole event is in celebration of a wedding. And a wedding means a marriage, which means a change in our friendship. As much as people say that relationships don't change friendships, they do. Normally those changes come before the wedding day though. As soon as the friend becomes really excited and happy about her new guy, the friendship goes to the back-burner. The friend only wants to spend time with the guy. Or wants to spend most of her time with the guy. And when you're hanging out, she tries to pretend to be 100% there but she never is. So the involved girl starts bringing her guy along more. Or has to check with him before making plans with her girlfriends. I know this whole process is normal, and I totally get it, but it's still sad.

Well the problem with BFF's situation is that I have never even met her fiancee (due to logistics). This is the person that makes her happiest in the world. The person she wants to be spending the rest of her life with. The person who is supposedly going to accompany BFF, myself and my one-day husband on future travels. She is SO very excited about him and everything. And I am SO very excited that she is happy. But I don't know him...and it's hard for me to lose a large piece of her to this person I don't know.

So I wasn't 100% excited about the Bachlorette. And I don't think I'll have a chance to see BFF again before I move away. And due to school I might not even get to be at the wedding. So saying good-bye on Sunday was very, very hard, and I cried all the way to the airport.

Today I am feeling very reluctant about losing friends to great guys, and for the first time ever, I am not sad that I'm single. I am sad that most of my friends are starting not to be.

Kryptonite!

Frac! TCN is coming to town. And he wants to meet up. I told him about the school I'm going to and he said, "We won't be very far apart. We'll have to plan a road trip in the Fall."

This is bad. He is my kryptonite.

(For more history on this boy type "TCN" in the search field above and hit "search this blog.")