Beautiful B's

This past weekend was a good one. I did the usual (study all day every day) but I did manage to get out on Friday and Saturday night. Friday we went dancing at the local neighborhood bar. Saturday was a big Gay Pride parade. Sharpie, a non RN friend, had a rooftop party. The streets were blocked off, the air was full of live music, it was a hot summer night and I had a pretty dress on. I was THRILLED to be out and socializing.

So far this week has been more of the same. I'm actually feeling kind of down today. I had my first exam and I got a B. I know I should be happy, 'cause it's better than a C, but I'm not. It's one thing if I wasn't studying, but ALL I DO is study. The problem, I believe, is that I'm not quite in the groove yet when it comes to thinking like a nurse. And also, there's not a lot of black-and-white about medical things. Most of our questions are about patient situations and how we would respond. Based on the scientific facts, how I would respond might not necessarily be wrong, but then I have no real-world nursing experience and I don't necessarily think the way my professor does. And therein lies the problem.

I can study the facts until, well, forever. But that won't necessarily mean an A. And it won't necessarily mean a B either. But it also doesn't mean I won't pass my classes and become a great Nurse Practitioner. I have to become content with the idea that passing = good. B's aren't bad, they're beautiful. And if I keep saying that maybe I'll begin to believe it.

Color Me Oriented

(Please note: Today's post is in the three parts.This is the third part. Scroll down to start with the first one, or click here.)

My orientation was last week. It was informative but overwhelming. There are 121 people in my program (7% men). I got to know some of the girls better and met some other nice people. Now I have the group of people I sit with and hang out with. They’re fun, and they all live in my ‘hood. They all live in the same complex, in fact, which makes visiting easy. On Friday night we went down to one of the girls apartments where we had margaritas and played games. I would have been happy to leave it at that, but these girls were set on going out. We did, and it was okay, but I really enjoyed the non-going out part best. I don’t know all these girls that well yet, but I know I will soon, and I’m glad to have that comfort that a group of friends brings.

Speaking of friends…I went to a birthday/house party with my journalist friends. It’s fun having two different groups, and I really like these journalists because they always know about the cool things going on, they’re closer to me in age and interest, and they’re just very interesting/fun/good people. We actually discussed this blog a bit and henceforth the girl I referred to as LK will now be called Fiz Fay. And one of the girls I went to Brew in the Zoo with will now be called Sharpie.

The rest of my weekend has been/will be spent working on school stuff. They gave us some prep work a couple of months ago, which I had almost finished when they announced that we had about 9 more chapters to prepare before Monday. But they didn’t tell us this until Friday!!! That gives us two days to finish our other work and read/prepare 9 more chapters. The funny thing is that they kept saying things like, “Enjoy your last free weekend” and “This is a light weekend. It’s gonna get worse.” Joy.

Here is a picture of all the books I had to buy. Keep in mind, these are only for this summer semester. That means these are 10 weeks worth of books. They cost about $600 in total.

As part of our orientation they gave an extensive presentation on time management and how to stay afloat during these 13 months. They said we need to be ruthless about prioritizing and cutting out non-necessary obligations. We have to learn to say “no.” I am HORRIBLE about saying no. But I do realize it is going to become an important step to maintaining my sanity. That being said, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up with the book club and with some of the photo editing I had in progress ( I have to finish my Spain pictures and edit/post my cross country ones). I’ll also have trouble talking on the phone as much and emailing/blogging as frequently. My apologies ahead of time if I become a bit MIA.

On that note, I must hit the books again. Have a good week and I hope to post more soon!

Summer in the City

The last week has been a whirlwind of new places, new people, and heat!

On Wednesday I went into DC to visit a friend. She couldn’t take the day off, but she arranged it so that I could get into her apartment earlier in the day, leave my car there, then Metro to the sights. I went to DC once when I was in 7th grade but hadn’t been back since. While I know not much of the city changed (by way of monuments, museums and sights), I have changed. And I am more into photography now. So I wanted to do “The Mall” again. RB, my DC friend, was so great and organized. She left me maps, a metro pass, detailed instructions on where to go and what to do. I didn't have to think at all, and I loved every minute of it. This is what greeted me when I entered her apartment. It was so detailed and thorough, I had to take a picture of it.






The day went well and everything went smoothly. I walked around the monuments for about 3 hours. Then it was too hot to do more. I found a Starbucks near the White House and cooled off for a bit with some iced coffee. After that, I met RB here for happy hour and dinner at the Sky Terrace. During the summer months they open the rooftop patio. There are stunning views of the city, the monuments and the White House. I think you can actually see the Oval Office too. The view looks like this:












Seeing everything in DC this time ended up being really different from before. Everything meant more. Maybe because I know/appreciate more about our history.

Thursday night was the happy hour I organized for the people in my program (via the accepted student online forum). I don’t know much about the “cool” bars in B’more, so I just picked this Irish Pub right on the water in the inner harbor. The bar was fun, there was a good turnout, and I really liked some of the girls right away. In fact, we made plans to get together again the next night.

This is the inner harbor, by the way.










Which brings me to Friday. On Friday I finished painting these for my bedroom:

I did do the painting freehand, but it wasn’t hard at all since it is a pretty simple design. And it was even less hard because I didn’t come up with the concept. I was "inspired" by this artist, courtesy of KA. Painting was fun--it was great to have a creative outlet--but I used a color that ended up being slightly too green. Which meant another trip to the store and another coat of paint. Of course that presented new challenges: Will the new color be right once it’s dry? Will the new color, even if it is right, look right on top of the old color?? In trying to cover the old green color and keep the edges smooth and sharp, I ended up taking more width away from everything. So it’s all kind of wrong. But in the end, I still kind of like them.

Later on Friday I met up with about 6 girls for a night of partying in Fell’s Point, a cobblestone-street, water-front neighborhood full of bars. We did a good job of hitting up lots of different places. Unfortunately, most of the girls were a year or two younger then me. They liked doing sweet shots. Lots of them. Of all different kinds of alcohol. And because it was my first night really out on the town I joined in. That was a good idea until the next morning. I wasn’t really hung over…but I wasn’t really right either. And if I didn’t have any plans I easily could have wasted the day away sitting on the couch. Instead, I rallied, as there were things to do and places to go! And…more beer to drink (woe was me).

RB came up on Saturday to visit this lovely little metropolis. She has never really seen it so we planned a couple of days full of B’more fun. We met up with some of my new friends at Brew in the Zoo, a fundraising, beer and wine tasting event at the Maryland Zoo. We thought it sounded fun...and so did everyone else. It took 1 hour and 45 min to get a parking spot and tickets. Right as we were buying our tickets, after we had been in line for an hour, they put out “Sold Out” signs. People in the line behind us were not happy. Inside the events were more long lines, but at least there was free stuff at the end of them. And at least there was shade and grass to sit under and on. I had been dying in line from the heat, and I was still a little not right from my partial hangover. Getting to sit down in the shade and eat a cheeseburger was the highlight of my afternoon.

Later that night we grabbed a fabulous seafood dinner on the inner harbor, then met up with a group of RB’s friends, and then with some people we met at Brew in the Zoo. It was tough being out again, but I connected with the Irish in me and pulled through. It helped that I drank much less and was home much earlier.

Today, RB and I went to the farmers market where I did most of my produce shopping for the week. Then we grabbed brunch at a great little place near moi. When RB left I decided it was time to hit up the pool! It was fun. Hot, but fun. I only lasted a couple of hours.

For the rest of the day, I am going to sit inside, in the air conditioning, on my couch. No new people, no alcohol, no fatty food, no talking (my voice is a little raspy from the two nights out).

Today is for resting because there is more summer to come. The summer calendar issue of the local city paper just came out. It has pages and pages of events, festivals, movies-in-the-park, etc. I was really overwhelmed. Next weekend is a Polish Festival. Later in the month there is a gay pride parade. There are art fairs to stroll through and rivers to inner tube down. Apparently there's a great Jamaican shindig hitting up a near-by park later in the summer. Tomorrow Hopkins plays Duke in the Lacrosse Finals. I might get talked into going to any and all of these things. But I won’t make any decisions about any of all that until later.

Premature Nostalgia and the Silly Funeral Hall Paintings

Last weekend my beautiful, wonderful friends* threw me a surprise party. I had some idea that some sort of surprise was happening. But I thought it would be much closer to the time I actually leave (which is at the beginning of May). My friend, the Wombat, came in to visit for the weekend. So I went into Friday evening expecting a good time with her. We had plans to meet up with some other friends for sushi and dancing on Saturday night. Everything went according to my plan (my plan = sushi/dancing), and then bang! Surprise! There were my mom and dad and all my friends, including my friends from out of town!! It was so incredibly fun. My only complaint is that it went too quickly. These fun nights always do, especially as the number of days standing between "now" and May 5th gets smaller.

The funny thing is that a few weeks ago, I was having one of those bad days where you feel old, ugly, fat, etc. Nothing was going right, and I thought things like "no one likes me" and "no one will care if I'm gone." So I started planning my own going away party. It was something I most definitely didn't want to plan, but several people had asked if I was doing anything before I left and no one indicated to me they would throw one on my behalf, so I (reluctantly) sent out a save-the-date for myself. Well all that was just very silly because during that time my friends were busy planning a fabulous shindig.

The party was fantastic, and it is the first time in my life I was truly surprised. In fact, I was so surprised that I actually felt uncomfortable for about a millisecond. Just because I am a bit of control-freak sometimes, and the night was supposed to go a certain way. When it didn't, it took me a minute to recover. But once I recovered I loved every minute of it all, and I continue to relish in memories of the night.

I spent Sunday with friends reliving all the details of the night, focusing on the lies they used to trick me and all the potential slip ups everyone had when they talked to me before Saturday night. When everyone was gone and I was alone late Sunday night+, I began to get sad for the first time. Prior to this point I've been happy and excited. I knew I would get sad, and I was sad at a distance when others told me how they felt about my leaving. But on Sunday the sadness hit me hard. And now that I've had that first taste, it bubbles up often. I am filling with premature nostalgia for all the little details of my life here and now.

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I have been here for over four years, but I am not sad about leaving this job or this company. The things I will miss about this place changed long ago, and I've been missing them already. The problem is that saying good-bye here is one more good-bye closer to the big good-bye; it is a large and permanent marker on the final count-down.

A few minutes ago I walked to the kitchen. I went through the mail room and cut down a quiet hallway. This hallway is lined with paintings a vendor gave the company a long time ago. They are framed in heavy, gaudy gold. They are random and some of them are ugly. They make the hallway look like a funeral parlor. But they're part of the experience one gets when they walk through the mail room, down the hall, and to the kitchen. After tomorrow I'll never see them and think "how odd" again. Will I miss these paintings and this walk? No. But they are part of this unique experience, and now that it's ending, even these silly funeral hall paintings make me sad.

*KA, General, Napper, HBo, and my Princepessa thank you so very much for planning this!!! KM, Wombat, my bro, and DJS thank you so much for coming a long way and making the party extra special! Je vous aime toujours! (It's easier to be emotional in a foreign language.)

+Fortunately, I was only REALLY sad for a very short amount of time because then I watched the Battlestar Galactica season 3 finale and again, all I can say is, "MY GOD." It was a really fantastic season ending. As usual the story continues to surprise! Go BSG!

Suck it Up

I am exhausted today. Some of it might be the time change and some of it might have to do with what I did this weekend. Maybe it was full of too much--too much food, too much dancing, too much socializing. But all in a good way. My time here is limited!

• I went out dancing both Friday and Saturday night until the club/bar closed. I was up until after 3 AM each time.
• I ate ridiculous amounts of fatty things including bread pudding (made from Danish and pastries), a buttery ham-and-cheese croissant sandwich, a chicken burrito from Taco Bell, and various items from an all-you-can-eat Champagne brunch at the Trump Golf Course in PV.
• I worked out Friday, Saturday and Sunday doing a variety of things including a "Latin Rhythm" Salsa workout, a bike ride, some aerobics, and a running/stair-climbing beach workout.
• On top of all that, I finished making a scrap book of my family's trip to Australia a few years ago, I sang with my dad's band again, and I went to a bowling-alley birthday party for KQ and G.

The net result? My voice is hoarse from talking over loud music, my feet hurt from wearing heels late into the night, I intermittently crave eating comfort food and never eating again, I have more confidence in my cha-cha, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Is it 5 PM yet???

The Good Life

I have a major case of senioritis. The general called it, and she is totally right. Last week I was supposed to go to a meeting. I was even supposed to be sort of a "back-up" resource for someone's presentation. Meaning, if someone asked him a question and he didn't know the answer, I could step in and help. But the thing is, he didn't need my help. And the other thing is that this meeting is sort of stupid. Nothing ever comes out of it.
I decided not to go. At all.

Here is my justification: I am only here for a few more weeks, so I don't need to know what's coming up regarding product launches and the like.

And even though I did flake, I didn't do so without notice. I did alert the presenter-guy to my absence. I emailed, "I have too much to do today, so I'm not going to the meeting." What I didn't tell anyone was that the stuff I had to do involved internet browsing and blog reading.

I'm so finished with this career.

On another note...

I got one of the best compliments ever. KA told me "I live life well." This is something I really try to do. I try to do lots of different things, see lots of different places, meet lots of different people. I want to soak up the world. I know it is impossible to see and do everything, but I try to see and do what I can. If I REALLY want to do something, I try to make it happen. And if possible I try to get it done "now" as opposed to "later."

The only real goals I still have yet to complete that are not already in progress are 1) seeing Africa and 2) being in a truly wonderful relationship with a good man. Possibly a third item would be having kids, but I'm not sure about that one yet. All other goals, which include changing careers, having fun, "seeing the world," are works-in-progress.
And I could even argue (if I were to argue with myself) that the Africa goal is already in progress too. Because I am going to do that once I finish getting my NP degree as part of a medical volunteer thing. And my NP degree stuff has already begun.

Everyone has their own definition of what a good life is. But I really try to live my definition of one. So when I hear from someone else that I do just that, it makes me very happy.

A Crystal Ball On a Stick

I spent yesterday going through the closet in my old bedroom at my parents place. It felt like I spent the entire day wrapped up in memories of things forgotten. My goal was to get rid of all the stuff I no longer need, and I did, but I am glad I kept so much so that I could spend yesterday remembering. Like my mother, I tend to keep too much in an effort to preserve. Like my father, I am very organized about how I keep all this stuff. So I was faced with a very organized crap-load of stuff to wade through. At times, the stuff I came across was heart-warming, and at other times, the stuff just made me laugh. It's funny how we grow and change when we aren't paying attention:

1) Journals: I have kept journals most of my life. I am not the best at updating them regularly, but I always have one. Reading through the things that I thought journal-worthy is just funny. And I discovered many new ways in which I have grown up. Especially my printing. It used to be so neat and orderly! Now it is just much better for everyone if I only type. I blame technology for this.

2) School Work: I kept all the important school work I did for all my meaningful classes in high school and college. I was impressed with some of the papers I wrote. Not because they were so great but because when I read them now, I have no idea what I am talking about. Reading my old papers makes me sound so smart because I have forgotten almost everything specific thing I learned in school! Sure, I remember the major theories and concepts, the books that moved me and the topics I enjoyed, but I don't remember what the Sapir-Wharf hypothesis is, or how Cathexis plays a part in male-female gender dynamics. It's funny how the real world can make you so out of touch with the theoretical, academic one.

3) The Book CH, DS and JL sent me when I was in the UK: The year I was abroad, I remember being surprised at who kept in touch and who didn't. The friends I assumed would be emailing all the time, in fact, barely did at all. The friends who I didn't expect to hear from wrote all the time. Personally, I show appreciation towards friends by keeping in touch with them and doing things with them, so when some people did not do that with me, it made (makes) me feel sad and unappreciated. When some friends went above and beyond my expectations, it made (makes) me happy to have friends like them in my life. CH, DS and, their roommate at the time, JL were fantastic at keeping in touch with me while I was away. They sent letters and postcards all the time (which I kept!) and one day they even wrote a story (with pictures included) about how Hammy (their Hamster) made a run for freedom. It was hilarious and I love it. They even bound the pages with pretty lavender yarn. That is something I am going to keep. CH and DS, thanks! JL, wherever you are, I miss you!

4) Corsages: I was a sappy little high school girl who used to listen to love songs while falling asleep at night. So I guess it is not all that surprising that I also kept all my corsages from high school dances. I literally laughed out loud when I saw this:

It is a collection of my favorite corsages from my favorite dances, dried and organized by the name and date of the dance and includes the name of the lucky boy who got to take me. This didn't make it to the "keep" pile.

See what I mean about my printing though? Messy messy messy.

5) A Crystal Ball on a Stick: My parents bought me a little brass stick with a crystal ball on the end of it. It was like a wand. And when I was five I loved it. I thought it was magical and very valuable. So when burglers broke into our house when I was 7 (when we lived in Taipei). I remember running upstairs to my bedroom, retrieving it from the hiding place I kept it in, and giving an out-loud sigh of relief that the buglers had not found and taken this precious thing.

6) A Baby Tee: When I was a baby, my dad worked for a Tech Support team at a then cutting edge computer company. Their team made t-shirts that said "Ampex" on the front and had this message on the back: "Ampex Tech Support gets it up faster and keeps it up longer." This is in reference to computer systems, among other things. One of my dad's co-workers made a little baby t-shirt for me to wear. I was only 6 months old when a photo of me wearing the shirt appeared in the company newsletter, thereby making me a famous tech-support baby. This little tiny t-shirt was amongst the stuff I came across yesterday.

It's funny...a couple of years ago, my mom was cleaning out her room and came across the same t-shirt, adult sized. She gave it to me and it has since become one of my favorite sleep-shirts. So I now have a baby-sized and adult-sized version of the shirt, both of which I have worn.

5) Memoir Essays: After I graduated college I took several memoir writing classes. I came across all the things I wrote for them last night and it made me really miss that kind of writing. I guess this blog sort of taps into that same need for me, but this writing is still very different then that kind. Many of the essays focused on things I haven't forgotten, Reading them, however, made me recall details I had forgotten. And they made me feel, simultaneously, a great wave of nostalgia and a strong urge to write more.

Enough about the past....

Did anyone see last night's episode of "the best show on TV?" AKA Battlestar Gallactica? My God(s)*. Big things happened. It is actually making me sad today.

I sang two songs with my dad's band at a bar on Friday night! If you've known me long enough you know that I 1) love to sing, but 2) am very shy about doing so publicly. It was a big deal, personally, to face that fear. I didn't even want a lot of people to know about it. I did it though, and it went pretty well! Thanks HB and BD for the support!


*In BSG, there are many gods. Thus, they say, "My Gods!" when crazy things happen.

Giving Away the Bride

This past weekend was my BFF's bachlorette party in Vegas. I had a great time! It was truly fun to be out in Vegas again with (13) girlfriends. Despite staying out until 5 AM on Friday night, it was apparent that we're all a bit older. We couldn't hang as long on Saturday night and my feel only just recovered yesterday from two nights of dancing in heels.

Even though the entire weekend was really fun, I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to it. And I think the reason is because the whole event is in celebration of a wedding. And a wedding means a marriage, which means a change in our friendship. As much as people say that relationships don't change friendships, they do. Normally those changes come before the wedding day though. As soon as the friend becomes really excited and happy about her new guy, the friendship goes to the back-burner. The friend only wants to spend time with the guy. Or wants to spend most of her time with the guy. And when you're hanging out, she tries to pretend to be 100% there but she never is. So the involved girl starts bringing her guy along more. Or has to check with him before making plans with her girlfriends. I know this whole process is normal, and I totally get it, but it's still sad.

Well the problem with BFF's situation is that I have never even met her fiancee (due to logistics). This is the person that makes her happiest in the world. The person she wants to be spending the rest of her life with. The person who is supposedly going to accompany BFF, myself and my one-day husband on future travels. She is SO very excited about him and everything. And I am SO very excited that she is happy. But I don't know him...and it's hard for me to lose a large piece of her to this person I don't know.

So I wasn't 100% excited about the Bachlorette. And I don't think I'll have a chance to see BFF again before I move away. And due to school I might not even get to be at the wedding. So saying good-bye on Sunday was very, very hard, and I cried all the way to the airport.

Today I am feeling very reluctant about losing friends to great guys, and for the first time ever, I am not sad that I'm single. I am sad that most of my friends are starting not to be.

Weekend Recap

On Friday I had my first day of volunteering in the ER of a busy, urban hospital. It was fun! I got to do and see some cool things. Well, I guess "cool" depends on your perspective. The patients might not have used the same word. It's funny--the staff were quick to ignore me and were hesitant to be friendly at first. Many of them didn't even introduce themselves and only did so because I stuck my hand out and said, "Hi, I'm ML, the new volunteer." By the end of my shift though, the two guys I work with most were actively thinking of things to give me and then seemed surprised when my shift was over. Kind of like, "Wait...you're going now? But we have x and y for you to do!" In only four hours they were starting to trust and rely on me a little bit. I can't help but wonder if all of this--initially ignoring me, then being distant, then starting to trust and slightly depend--is a pattern related to the nature of their work. Regular crisis management has got to have some sort of side-effects on the way you deal with things.

After volunteering I went to Target to buy toothpaste and conditioner. $100 and two bags full of stuff later, I walked out. I have a love hate relationship with that store. They take so much of my money. Damn them! I do love my new stuff though...

Since 2007 began, I generally do my 5 weekly workouts in the morning. This past Saturday, however, I decided to get stuff done around the house first. And around lunch time something strange happened. I started getting really grumpy and annoyed with everything. For no reason. When I finally did make it to the gym, after a 60 min "Triathlon" workout (20 running, 20 biking, 20 swimming), my sudden and atypical bad mood began to lift. I felt good! As I was sitting in the hot tub and then in the steam room, I realized that perhaps my body is starting to depend on that "feel good" hormone release generated by exercise. I think I am addicted! It's not bad, but it is surprising. And now I am having trouble sticking to the 5X a week schedule. Now I feel compelled to exercise every day. Fortunately, my addiction to being lazy and sleeping in sometimes helps quell that urge.

On Saturday night I went to see my dad's band play. They're getting so good and I liked the restaurant they played at. It was fun hanging with BDP, her momma, and my momma. After that, I met up with the Private and a new friend of hers for drinks. This new friend is in charge of design merchandising at the Apple stores. Given that she works with a company that has it's finger on the pulse of all that is "cool" in technology right now, I wasn't surprised to discover that she is very fashionable and stylish herself. At one point in the evening she said, "You've got great hair! How do you style it?" I was thrilled! This girl, all decked out in clothes bought from expensive boutiques in New York, liked my hair.

I started catching up on my photo albums yesterday. I am very behind. The past couple of years of school-plus-work got in the way of things like this. Last night I was putting in photos from the end of 2004 and beginning of 2005. (See? I'm SO behind!). My goal is to be caught up to date with my albums before I move. That means putting in all the pictures I have already ordered (through the end of summer '05) and then ordering pictures from the Fall of 2005 through now. I'm already overwhelmed. But I shall persevere.