Perfectly Poised Under Pressure
The other day I was cleaning up my room when I came across an article my mother had lovingly clipped and passed on to me in October of 2002. I read it again and realized why I had kept it. The article is maybe even more relevant in my life now, so I am very glad I stumbled across it again. Here are some highlights:
Basically, the article is about a portion of women in America who do too much. These women are getting migraines and other stress-related illnesses at alarmingly young ages because they are "shutting down under the pressure of the liberation to do more." The author, Adell Shay, links this trend to post-women's lib and says that, "rather than encouragement to do differently, we women were told we could do 'anything' and we interpreted that to mean 'everything.'" But not only were we encouraged to do everything, "we were told, or it was implied, that we could do everything at the same time, but we were have to do it better then men because people were watching."
The author goes on to say that she doesn't remember these messages being particularly overt, but that she and all the women she knows remember experiencing messages like: "go back to school and get A's. Begin a career and work harder than anyone else because there is a whole movement on the backs of your mothers that is at risk if you screw up. Buy a house and a car and lots of stuff. And when you realize you have a hole in your life where love should be, get married, join a dating club or pretend you have no time for a relationship--and make sure you don't lose the job because you need it to pay the mortgage."
Of course, there are other "messages" too. Be healthy. Eat right and exercise. Don't be too emotional. Never gain weight, get a wrinkle or get saggy. Basically, do not age. But don't forget to relax--have fun, make friends, take time for yourself. Shay points out that historically women and men may have had to work hard physically but that somehow our bodies seem to handle that better than the stress of today.
This article is very true for me. I'm don't have any real signs of stress, but I feel as though sometimes the pressure to do and be everything gets to be a lot. And often times, the definition of "modern woman" is wrought with conflicting ideas. How do you look sexy and stay feminine but yet be fantastic and equal (with men) at the office? How do you balance acting completely independent and strong while still allowing yourself to accept the fact the you want a man in your life and are sad because you don't? How do you act intelligent, read lots, get a good education but then read Cosmo and learn how to "Satisfy Your Man in Bed?" How do you be proud of your accomplishments but then try to hide them enough so as not to intimidate men that may not be as smart or successful??
I don't blame anyone for the mutually exclusive concepts of self I sometimes have. I don't blame anyone for the self-inflicted pressure I often feel to do and be everything to everyone all the time. But I do feel that somewhere along the way I soaked these ideas up from somewhere, and sometimes I feel like it is too much. I used to think I was just an overacheiver but sometimes all I am is overwhelmed.
In October of 2002, a psuedo-relationship was beginning to end and I was unhappy at my job. I had decided to move out of my parents place and into an apartment and I was half-ass looking for another job. I was taking writing classes at UCLA in the evening for fun (and fulfillment?). I was making new friends and spending time with old friends. I was losing weight and I was about to go to Australia for a couple weeks vacation. I was taking weekend trips to San Francisco and Santa Barbara. I was in a book club and had favorite TV shows I couldn't miss. I was beginning to run long distance and was toying with the idea of running a marathon.
Now I am surrounded by several failed half-attempts at recent relationships. I have tried Match.com. I have lost weight. I have run two marathons. I have switched careers and been promoted 3 times in 2.5 years. I have moved. I have traveled. I have continued reading and am still in the book club. I have gotten bored with work and decided to switch careers. I have already picked my new career, figured out when and how, and taken 3 classes in preparation for it. I have picked up photography as a hobby but stopped writing. I have made new close friends but maintained close relationships with all the old ones. I sometimes do yoga. And I sometimes block out some time on Sundays to "relax."
Today is not much different from yesterday. The details have changed slightly but the drive hasn't. But I am beginning to wonder, in light of recent "meh," maybe I am not handling it all as well as I thought. That's part of it too you know..."handle" all the pressures with perfect poise.
It will be interesting to see how all this unfolds--both for me and for women--and what it will mean for our future health and for the next generation.
Basically, the article is about a portion of women in America who do too much. These women are getting migraines and other stress-related illnesses at alarmingly young ages because they are "shutting down under the pressure of the liberation to do more." The author, Adell Shay, links this trend to post-women's lib and says that, "rather than encouragement to do differently, we women were told we could do 'anything' and we interpreted that to mean 'everything.'" But not only were we encouraged to do everything, "we were told, or it was implied, that we could do everything at the same time, but we were have to do it better then men because people were watching."
The author goes on to say that she doesn't remember these messages being particularly overt, but that she and all the women she knows remember experiencing messages like: "go back to school and get A's. Begin a career and work harder than anyone else because there is a whole movement on the backs of your mothers that is at risk if you screw up. Buy a house and a car and lots of stuff. And when you realize you have a hole in your life where love should be, get married, join a dating club or pretend you have no time for a relationship--and make sure you don't lose the job because you need it to pay the mortgage."
Of course, there are other "messages" too. Be healthy. Eat right and exercise. Don't be too emotional. Never gain weight, get a wrinkle or get saggy. Basically, do not age. But don't forget to relax--have fun, make friends, take time for yourself. Shay points out that historically women and men may have had to work hard physically but that somehow our bodies seem to handle that better than the stress of today.
This article is very true for me. I'm don't have any real signs of stress, but I feel as though sometimes the pressure to do and be everything gets to be a lot. And often times, the definition of "modern woman" is wrought with conflicting ideas. How do you look sexy and stay feminine but yet be fantastic and equal (with men) at the office? How do you balance acting completely independent and strong while still allowing yourself to accept the fact the you want a man in your life and are sad because you don't? How do you act intelligent, read lots, get a good education but then read Cosmo and learn how to "Satisfy Your Man in Bed?" How do you be proud of your accomplishments but then try to hide them enough so as not to intimidate men that may not be as smart or successful??
I don't blame anyone for the mutually exclusive concepts of self I sometimes have. I don't blame anyone for the self-inflicted pressure I often feel to do and be everything to everyone all the time. But I do feel that somewhere along the way I soaked these ideas up from somewhere, and sometimes I feel like it is too much. I used to think I was just an overacheiver but sometimes all I am is overwhelmed.
In October of 2002, a psuedo-relationship was beginning to end and I was unhappy at my job. I had decided to move out of my parents place and into an apartment and I was half-ass looking for another job. I was taking writing classes at UCLA in the evening for fun (and fulfillment?). I was making new friends and spending time with old friends. I was losing weight and I was about to go to Australia for a couple weeks vacation. I was taking weekend trips to San Francisco and Santa Barbara. I was in a book club and had favorite TV shows I couldn't miss. I was beginning to run long distance and was toying with the idea of running a marathon.
Now I am surrounded by several failed half-attempts at recent relationships. I have tried Match.com. I have lost weight. I have run two marathons. I have switched careers and been promoted 3 times in 2.5 years. I have moved. I have traveled. I have continued reading and am still in the book club. I have gotten bored with work and decided to switch careers. I have already picked my new career, figured out when and how, and taken 3 classes in preparation for it. I have picked up photography as a hobby but stopped writing. I have made new close friends but maintained close relationships with all the old ones. I sometimes do yoga. And I sometimes block out some time on Sundays to "relax."
Today is not much different from yesterday. The details have changed slightly but the drive hasn't. But I am beginning to wonder, in light of recent "meh," maybe I am not handling it all as well as I thought. That's part of it too you know..."handle" all the pressures with perfect poise.
It will be interesting to see how all this unfolds--both for me and for women--and what it will mean for our future health and for the next generation.
posted by Follow the Frog at 10:34 AM
5 Comments:
I totally agree with everything you say. Too much is expected of us - we're supposed to have and do it all. Men have always been expected to be the bread-winners, and help out around the house about one hour a week. Women have been forced to have the great career and family life. And spend 50 hours a week on each, at least.
I hate it.
This is a FANTASTIC post Em! (Of course, we expect nothing less.) =)
Btw, of course I totally agree. Women are expected to embrace and exemplify dichotomies in a way men have never had to. History is littered with examples, such as the virgin/whore. Even when women were supposed to be bastions of purity, they were thought of as a corrupting influence on men. I think with more choices we're just faced with more expectations, not to make a choice but to choose it all. I wonder where all that pressure is coming from then? Is it societal, internal? After all, we do make up more than half of society. Regardless, it's hard being us.
Wow, what a great post, M! I don't know if you're really feeling "meh," because you're sounding pretty passionate. Perhaps all these pressures are so overwhelming that rather than attempting to sort it out, it's easier to feel ambivalent. Actually, I'm just analyzing myself right now!
At least it's comforting to know that you aren't the only woman who faces such problems. We're here for you. Us ladies need to stick together, G included! ;)
The goal, I don't believe, is to be the same as a man or better than, it is to do it differently and get the same results. Women have a unique perspective and if we spend our time trying to do it just like them how is that really contributing and making things better? Maybe if we showed the mangender a simpler or just simply different approach to things and find a way to work smarter, not the same and full of pride/arrogance, they might not be so intimidated by us wo-mangender :) Some still won't, but maybe some of the smart men will see and appreciate it..and then the stress to be 'like' or better than the man won't be so much.
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