Shaken or Stirred

After seeing the latest Bond movie, Casion Royale, I have come to these conclusions:

1) I LOVE the new James Bond more than any Bond ever before. And that is saying a lot because I hold a deep love for Pierce Brosnan too.

2) Eva Green--the latest Bond girl--is beautiful. And 007 loved her. For reals.

3) Maybe I will be a Bond fan now. I've watched 007 movies in the past but would never have classified myself as a true fan. Just a casual fan. But now I'm reconsidering this.

F to the E, R, G the I the E

Fergie (the Pea, not the duchess) is so arrogant it's annoying. I'm sorry. I know lots of people like her new CD. I admit London Bridge grew on me a little bit--when I decided to ignore the fact that it made no sense at all. But this new Fergalicious song? I can't. I just can't. She goes on and on about how she's the sh*t over and over. The lyrics are juvenile and obnoxious and so vain that at one point she admits she sounds conceited but she just can't help it. Why? Because she is just so darn D to the E to the L I C I O U S.

Here are some of the best lines:

"And if you was suspicious/ All that shit is fictitious /I blow kisses / that puts them boys on rock, rock"

"And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it"

"I'm Fergalicious (so delicious)/ My body stay vicious/ I be up in the gym just working on my fitness/ He's my witness (oooh wee)/ I put yo' boy on rock rock"

This song teaches us that women are tasty (read: D to the E to the L I C I O U S) morsels and that proper english means nothing if you can spell.

Well Fergie Ferg. I will also be in the gym working on my fitness. I'm not sure what "Rock Rock" is but I will try to put yo' boy on it too.

This is in no way an attack on the fun music of the Black Eyed Peas. While their songs are equally meaningless, they are SUPER fun. And they aren't conceited. And they don't spell as much!

Yesterday

My grandmother is doing okay. Well, she's in intensive care and they found a blood clot. But since they found a blood clot that means the clot hasn't had time to travel to her brain and cause a stroke or a heart attack. Which is great news. It's really a good thing she broke her pelvic when she did. Otherwise they wouldn't have found her clot. It's strange how things work sometimes.
I had a fantastic day yesterday. FANTASTIC. Here's why:

1) I took the latest of my dumb chemistry tests. There are 5. And then a cumulative final. So many tests are not good, but the prof drops one of the lowest grades. This will be my lowest grade because I didn't study at all. It was actually really an exercise in "letting go." To not study at all and to go into a test knowing that I will do poorly...very scary. But I survived and it wasn't that bad, and I'm a better person for it!

2) My students grades improved REMARKABLY on their last exam. Even the prof told me this is the highest she's ever seen scores (on average) for this particular exam (she's taught the subject for 20 years). She also pointed out that she hasn't changed and the material hasn't changed very much. The only variables? The students and myself. Since they all did really bad on the first exam...it leads me to think that perhaps, in some small way I have helped. And that feels great!

3) I had some fun times with CMB. He said he has fun with me (I know this already, but it's nice to hear). And he showed some real concern for me regarding something, which made me happy. Also his lesbian friend thinks I'm hot. While I like the men-folk, it's never bad to hear that someone thinks you look good!

4) My brother came home last night. Although he pissed me off big-time about something really stupid, I am over that now and I'm happy that he's down here for the weekend.

5) I love thanksgiving and am excited about the food and good times ahead. Tonight BDP, DJS and I are all hanging out. Which means there will be much laughter.

6) Yesterday, I was also excited about how there wasn't much work left in the week. Today is like Friday, and they usually let us leave early. AND, we have our thanksgiving feast at lunch. Which means after we all eat no one gets anything done. This gives me plenty of time to read all your blogs and catch up on my own. YAY for short work weeks.

7) It's the Private's birthday shindig on Saturday night. It will be fun to try a new restaurant in a cool part of LA (off Melrose).

So that is why yesterday was so great. Today is great too. The feast is done, as is most of the work I need to do today. I'm ready to get out of here and go to the gym. I am working on my pre-holiday-weight-loss-to-neutralize-the-inevitable-holiday-weight-gain plan.

What is Good

Just 'cause the last post was kind of a downer...I thought I would point out a few good things happening.

1) My brother comes home tomorrow. I miss him. Here's an adorable photo of him from when he was a kid. He looks like such a little man!





















2) I have a date for my company christmas party! This is the first time in the history of me going to company christmas parties that I actually have a date. He is CMB's friend. We'll call him A. I don't actually want to "date" him, but he'll do for the event because he's respectable, nice, intelligent, taller than me, and fun. He's actually a professor at the rival of my alma mater. So I have to hate him just a little bit. But only in a fun way.

3) I had hoped to share three good things (lists are better with three items in them) but maybe there are only the two good things to share. Well...it's a short week this week. That's good. AND, I worked out this morning. That is also good...

Strange Days

This was a very strange weekend. In some ways, fantastic. In others, very bad. Friday night was part of the great times. We celebrated KA's 30th birthday and the night ended up being very fun. I have a great memory of BD and I walking with a giggly, drunk KA linked between us, all of us laughing. Good times.

Saturday morning I went on my first run since getting sick a couple weeks ago. I was thrilled to be working out again. The weather was perfect, there was lots to see on the Venice Beach boardwalk, and much good conversation with Miss J. I definitely felt slightly out of shape, or slightly less in shape than I used to be. And an old injury started hurting a bit. I think 7 miles was the perfect distance to aim for though, and in the end I felt great. Miss J and I decided that since neither of us actually want to run the marathon this year, we're going to do our own runs on the weekends. We'll pick the time and distance based on how we feel. But the aim will be between 7 and 10 milers, which will keep us in half marathon shape. I am SO excited about this because running with someone else is infinitely better than running alone. And 10 mile runs are one of my favorite distances!

After my run, I went to San Diego for my grandparents 60th anniversary. While the evening was slightly stressful in terms of family politics and drama (just the usual stuff), it was really very perfect. Everyone had a great time, especially my grandparents. Which is what mattered most.

We stayed in San Diego at my grandparents that Saturday night. I was exhausted from being up late drinking on Friday and from my 7 mile run earlier that day. And from the family festivities. I didn't sleep well though, and I woke up much earlier than I would have liked to. So, I started the day feeling more tired than I like to feel on a Sunday. The plan was to have breakfast, get on the road by 10am, be back in LA by noon. That would leave me the rest of the day to finish my book club book (for our book club meeting last night) and to study for a test I have on Tuesday. My grandmother has not been in the best health or spirits these past couple of years. Every time we visit her now, she likes to give us some more of her old family photos and jewelry. I love her old jewelry and I adore family photos. So after breakfast, she and I were laying on her bed looking through jewelry, picking out what I liked and moving aside what she called "junks." My mom came in at some point to look through it all too. I went to the bathroom and had just decided to steal a ponytail holder from my mothers cosmetic bag when I heard a thud outside the door and my mom yelling. I opened up the bathroom door. My grandmother had fallen and my mom was trying to hoist her back up. My grandfather had run into the hallway, and seeing what had happened started a half cry, half scream (my grandmother has osteoporosis, so falling is especially bad. Her bones break very easily).

We got her to the bed and then had her walk into the living room. She seemed fine, in the sense that she wasn't crying and was able to sort of walk, with help from someone and her cane. Her pain started getting worse though...sharp shooting pain. So we decided to take her to the hospital. Without going into too much detail, it was a long day in the ER. Lots of tests and lots of waiting and mixed information. Also, there was some concern that something more serious was happening at one point. But in the end it turns out she broke her pelvic bone. A broken pelvic is not the end of the world for many people, but she is 90 and depressed about her fading health. This makes it worse.

The feeling I have felt through most of this is fatigue. I also have felt intermittently numb and sad. And I feel worried....so worried. Especially for my mom and my grandfather.

Last night I was lying in bed trying to read. I still have a little cough, and I noticed that whenever I coughed my upper, left chest area hurt slightly, in a way I've never felt. It doesn't hurt today but I was thinking this morning about that feeling. I know hearts don't work this way, but I almost think that maybe last night my heart was hurting a little bit.

A Piece of Person

I am feeling very confused about CMB lately. We're hanging out a lot. Nothing has happened and I feel 99% confident nothing ever will (I believe we've both put a lot of effort towards establishing our friendship and making sure to not cross lines). But the problem is....he's becoming needier. I noticed that last week. And the bigger problem is, I am becoming needier. I noticed that this week.

He has become "my person." You know, the person you tell things to. The person you communicate with throughout the day. When I was sick last week and going to the doctor, he was the person who called and wanted to know about how I was. Just him and my mom.

And that, I believe, is where the confusion lies: he feels like "mine" but he's not. And I think he thinks of me as "his." And I sort of am. So I'm trying to stop.

But it's hard because he's my person now. And it's nice to have a person. Even if you only get a piece.

Note: I'm just sharing this with ya'll because this is my place to share these things. I am not sad, I'm confused. And I "get" why I feel this way.I am not asking for anyone to console me. And...I'm already looking for a new person. I am hoping Match comes through for me this time!

Follow the Scrooge

The holiday season has officially begun! And while I normally love the holidays, and usually pride myself on having my Christmas shopping done by thanksgiving, that is not the case this year. Maybe it has a little something to do with three jobs and school....and being sick recently. Also, I have six birthdays in November/early December! SIX people in my life with birthdays in a month's time! Right before Christmas. Yep...this year is the first holiday season where I feel more stressed than excited. It's the first year where I don't want to hassle with a Christmas tree, and I don't want to have our annual Christmas potluck party.

In addition to the school, the birthdays, and the normal holiday stuff, I'm involved in planning a lot of things right now. Normally, I like to plan but with everything going on, I am feeling more stressed than usual about it. That doesn't mean I don't WANT to help plan and organize things for other people, it just means that it's less fun than normal.

Some of the things I'm working on (or helping work on)...

• Various birthday things for various people
• My grandparents 60th anniversary dinner
• KM's bachlorette party
• Informal high school reunion gathering (for my circle of friends from high school--about 10 of us)
• Another informal high school reunion gathering (for my super close friends from high school--just three of us)

Despite all the stress of what lies ahead, I am excited about those things I've recently completed:

1. I am no longer sick. And this time, I have completely let myself get ALL better before deciding I'm better "enough."
2. Now that I am truly no longer sick, that means I can start working out again. And I can't wait! I feel lazy...and my muscles feel stiff and unused. Which makes me feel fat. And God knows no one needs extra reason to feel fat during this time of the year!
3. I have decided not to tutor and TA next semester. It was a big decision for me because I don't like saying "no" to things. Also, because I've enjoyed the TA'ing a lot. I told my boss and professors yesterday I'm out for next semester. Checking that "to do" off my list felt great.
4. I was able to get enrolled in all my classes next semester. That's right! No waiting list dramas this time.
5. I signed up for Match.com again last night. Yep, I'm giving it another go. Mainly because it's the holidays and I'd like a relationship and I don't know where else to look. Stay tuned for good stories from this next adventure in online dating!
6. My professor who hates me doesn't hate me anymore. In fact, she's pretty nice lately. She told me I was excused from doing a lab last week since I called in sick. I don't get that. I mean, that's not very "college." But whatever. I'll take the free pass here.
7. I completed a BIG project at work. My bonus was riding on it, so it's nice to be done and know that that check is coming. YAY for money.

Get Your Satay On

I wanted to write a post on the influx of people coming back into my life this year, but I must leave that for another day. So here's a quick update instead:

After a week of being sick I finally went to the doctor. They're not 100% certain what I have but I have medicine that helps me sleep (despite the cough), which is good enough for me. Sleeping at night is a good step, but I am ready to feel ALL better, especially 'cause I have a full weekend ahead.

Tonight the General and I are having a small dinner party for a couple of friends who helped us move last year. It took us a year to get this thing planned. Isn't that sad? So yeah, a dinner party. But it's the kind of dinner party where we're ordering food made by someone else. Not the kind where you cook. The General suggested Thai and we all agreed that sounded good. So tonight we're gonna get our satay on!

Even though this is just a low-key event, I still feel compelled to clean the house. Especially since I feel like I've just been sitting around all week being sick and doing nothing. I am in the mood to be productive! But then, I'm tired, so I really only want to be a little bit productive. That's good enough.

Tomorrow is GC's 31st birthday. I am really looking forward to it. We're going to the race tracks! I am going to wear a dress and sip mint juleps and pretend I'm at the derby. And since we've been having a freakishly warm So Cal November (80 degrees plus) I might even wear a sun dress!

On Sunday, I am going to Disneyland with HBo. I have a season pass but haven't gone once since the summer. I am definitely feeling a DL void...and since it's all decorated for Christmas I'm very glad to be going this weekend.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Grumpy

And now I'm grumpy about it.

I didn't sleep at all last night because of all the coughing.

Being sick SUCKS.

I need to remember that better.

Cough, Cough, Grin

My cough/sore-throat illness has turned into a convulsive cough and stuffy nose. It's 8pm and I can barely keep my eyes open. I am actually debating about whether or not I should even try to watch a little more TV downstairs before just giving up and getting into bed. And while I do not like feeling crappy, I will admit that in some crazy way, I enjoy being sick like this. Only because it's not THAT bad and it gives me forced, 100% guilt-free down time.

It's a sad, sad thing when life is so busy that you only REALLY get to relax (for an extended period of time) if you're sick.

Of course, if this lasts more than a day or two longer, I will be very grumpy about not feeling good. I guess this means I'm fickle.

Who Was the Prom Queen?

This weekend was my high school reunion. I wasn't as nervous about it as I thought I would be. When the time actually came to get ready, I was kind of ambivalent to the whole thing. And then when I actually went it was just fun to see everyone again. In some ways it felt like no time had passed. Old friends were like old friends again. In some ways, however, the 10 years were more obvious.

Some Observations:

1) A lot of the people that used to be thin are now fat! Only two people had really lost weight: DJS and myself.

2) A lot of the people who used to be kind of shy are now outgoing.

3) The only people who really came to the reunion were the popular or more outgoing/involved kids.

4) While the original cliques were still kind of there, people were much more mingle-y and social. I spent most of my time talking with a few of the guys who used to be part of the surfer/stoner crowd (they are no longer surfer/stoner guys now). A couple of them hit on me! One of them wanted us to go to a bar with them afterwards and the other gave me his business card so we could get a beer sometime. Neither of these guys remembered/recognized me from 10 years ago though. Interesting...

5) DJS and a couple other people pointed out that most of the girls attending were married, engaged or with serious boyfriends. Seriously. Most of them were attached. Most of the guys, however, were not. In fact not one of the guys I talked to even has a girlfriend. But guess how many girls didn't? Two. TWO. Me and this other girl. Which made me feel like I am LOSING THE RACE.

6) As mentioned in item 1, both DJS and I have lost weight since high school and look better (the opinions of others, not my own). DJS decided that he and I were "big hits" that night. And since we came together we joked with a couple of people that we were engaged or married. The other single girl actually believed us. We tried to tell her we weren't serious but I don't think she really got that we had been joking. She looked confused.

So ignoring the fact that I am the ONLY single girl left in the whole wide world, it was a really fun night. It was great getting in touch with friends I used to be close with and reminiscing on our little high school dramas. We won't be close again but we're all going to get together soon. And it will actually happen because I am in charge of organizing it!

On the way to the reunion, DJS and I were laughing about how he was a little nervous. Suddenly he said, "I'm gonna f*ck the prom queen tonight!" I started laughing even more and said, "That's a great idea! I'll help you! I'll be your wing-woman!" Our laughter subsided slightly when I said, "So....who was the prom queen?" Neither of us remembered. It became our mission that night to at least figure that out. Turns out, the prom queen was glowing and happy and pretty and pregnant with baby #4. And her husband was delightful.

In the end, DJS did not do any prom-queen f*cking.

Other weekend news:

I had a lovely time with my mom on Sunday. We went to tea. It was great mom-daughter time.

I hung out with CMB every day this weekend (walked dogs together Friday, met for lunch Saturday and studied together Sunday afternoon). It was too much. I think I am getting a little tired of him.

I am still sick and slept a lot this weekend. Despite all that sleep I am still exhausted. Also, I lost my voice Saturday night. Not in the hot, raspy kind of way, but in the way where you have no voice at all. On Sunday it was completely gone. Today it's back a little (more in the hot raspy way this time), but we'll see how long it holds before breaking completely.

My Malaise and I

This week has been a long one!

I went out Tuesday night for Halloween. It was tons of fun! We went out on Saturday night too but honestly, Tuesday night was so much better and so much more the kind of Halloween I like to have. The group was more cohesive and the crowd was better. Of course the down side is that it was a week night. I decided to use one of my many sick days on Wednesday--to recover and, more importantly, to study for a big chemistry exam.

Here is part of our Halloween costume this year. If you don't know me, and don't know what our costumes were, try to guess!


So Wednesday I studied. I also went to donate blood with CMB--his idea. It was all very Brenda-and-Dylan. They wouldn't take my blood because my tattoo is less than a year old. But I kept him company and the nurses thought we were a couple. Which is bad, I guess, but we're not so it's all good.

Wednesday night I started feeling very, very tired. I thought it was just because of my late night Tuesday. But then I was up late again on Wednesday studying (and up early for my class Thursday). And then, lo and behold, yesterday afternoon I started to feel sick! And now I'm coughing, exhausted, have no appetite and am feeling full of malaise.

Fortunately the plans I had for tonight were cancelled. So now my malaise and I will lay upon the couch and catch up on TV.

Unfortunately, my high-school reunion is tomorrow night. I intended to look ravishing (well, as ravishing as possible anyway). But my plan may be foiled. No one thinks coughing is hot.