Family Above All*

Did anyone watch The Black Donnelly's? The new show on NBC Monday nights? It was really good! There's an encore of the pilot this Thursday night at 10 PM. You better watch it, or I'll be sad and then my family will have to come and beat you up. I'm a quarter Irish.

LOL.

*This title is in reference to the theme and tagline behind the show.

Giving Away the Bride

This past weekend was my BFF's bachlorette party in Vegas. I had a great time! It was truly fun to be out in Vegas again with (13) girlfriends. Despite staying out until 5 AM on Friday night, it was apparent that we're all a bit older. We couldn't hang as long on Saturday night and my feel only just recovered yesterday from two nights of dancing in heels.

Even though the entire weekend was really fun, I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to it. And I think the reason is because the whole event is in celebration of a wedding. And a wedding means a marriage, which means a change in our friendship. As much as people say that relationships don't change friendships, they do. Normally those changes come before the wedding day though. As soon as the friend becomes really excited and happy about her new guy, the friendship goes to the back-burner. The friend only wants to spend time with the guy. Or wants to spend most of her time with the guy. And when you're hanging out, she tries to pretend to be 100% there but she never is. So the involved girl starts bringing her guy along more. Or has to check with him before making plans with her girlfriends. I know this whole process is normal, and I totally get it, but it's still sad.

Well the problem with BFF's situation is that I have never even met her fiancee (due to logistics). This is the person that makes her happiest in the world. The person she wants to be spending the rest of her life with. The person who is supposedly going to accompany BFF, myself and my one-day husband on future travels. She is SO very excited about him and everything. And I am SO very excited that she is happy. But I don't know him...and it's hard for me to lose a large piece of her to this person I don't know.

So I wasn't 100% excited about the Bachlorette. And I don't think I'll have a chance to see BFF again before I move away. And due to school I might not even get to be at the wedding. So saying good-bye on Sunday was very, very hard, and I cried all the way to the airport.

Today I am feeling very reluctant about losing friends to great guys, and for the first time ever, I am not sad that I'm single. I am sad that most of my friends are starting not to be.

Get Your Kool On

The other day I was at my parents house working on my taxes. My mom was out and my dad was washing my car. He spoils me by taking care of my car, and so I always feel like I should do something for him during those times. There usually isn't a whole lot I can do. I offered to make him lunch, but he doesn't like to stop and eat when he's busy doing things around the house. So I thought, I'll could maybe get him something refreshing to drink.

Now some history.

My dad drinks Kook-Aid. It is HIS drink. It is what he has drank all my life at every dinner and every weekend day I can think of. He always has it in a large plastic cup and he always wants a lot of ice. He always drinks red Kool-Aid and because of that, we always have a container of prepared red Kool-Aid in the door of our fridge next to the milk. Always.

Back to the story.

After my dad turned down my offer of lunch, I said, "Do you want some Kool-Aid?"

He looked up from where he was scrubbing the hood of my car down and said with a big kid-like smile, "Yeah! That would be great!"

It's been about four years since I lived with my parents, and I can't remember the last time I went to the fridge to get my dad Kool-Aid. But it was funny because I knew the routine. I knew to grab the large plastic cup and fill it up with ice, and I knew there would be Kool-Aid ready to pour. The whole process made me reflect with amusement on this little quirk of my father's. For a second it made me really appreciate home. There are certain things about how a family lives--places things are stored, lights that are turned on at night, rooms that are used for specific events, ways of doing things. You know--all the routines of daily life. The family knows these things. The family does them without thinking, without question. Anyone outside the family wouldn't know about these things. They wouldn't "live" the same as us.

The General and I have some of our own traditions. We have been roommates for four years now so in many ways we have also created some of our own "home habits." Here are some examples: 1) We use only half a paper towel each. We rip it in half and leave the other half there for later use. 2) We leave our keys in a bowl by the door. This is a carry-over from when we used to have tandem parking. 3) We only lock the bottom lock when the first one of us leaves in the morning. 4) We have sides of the sink where we leave our dirty dishes. 5) We don't generally use the house heating, but we have a little portable one the General stole from the ex that we use constantly. 6) We always try and leave a light on if one of us is still out. Right now, that means one of the floor lights near the window.

Sometimes these little habits are comforting. And it is nice to know that the people you live with--whether they are family or friends--know and follow those same habits. Maybe that's what they mean when they say there is no place like home.

(There's another post from today below. I'm very busy at work.)

The Sound of Thursday

I started doing Spin before my Body Sculpting class. It's a tough two hour workout. Today was only my second day of doing them both together, and the instructor was particularly harsh in Body Sculpting. We worked with those step things (with a minimum of two risers.) We used weights and resistance bands. I've never done so many lunges and squat combinations in my life. And doing them AFTER an hour of hill work in spinning left me feeling very weak.

After class I walked to my car via a shortcut--cutting through a pretty little garden on a quaint stone path. I stepped on a stone at an angle, lost my balance and fell. I think I would have been able to right myself had my core muscles not been shaking. Whatever. I twisted my ankle, rammed my shin on a rock and said the F word loud enough for someone to come and see if I was okay. I was. Just a little sore.

Then on my drive into work, I spilled coffee all the way down my new shirt. My new ivory colored shirt. THANK GOD for Tide Pens. Seriously, it is one of my favorite things. If I were in the Sound of Music, I would have a verse in that Favorite Things song dedicated to the detergent pen. It would go like this:

Tide Pens and Sushi and Trader Joes Salsa
Battlestar Gallactica and very cheesy pasta
Fluffy down comforters and my grandmothers rings
These are a few of my favorite things

Hit the Beat Now*

Whenever I have to do something that is really important, or something I am nervous about (like take a big test, run a long distance, give a big presentation) there is a moment right before it starts where my mind goes from a panic/stress mode to a calm quiet. I stress until it's time to not to, and then I think, "don't think, just go!" I go on autopilot. I take the test, run the run, present. It always works. I never freeze up.

I found out on Friday that I got into the other nursing school I was waiting on. One could argue that this school is better than the first. Personally I think it offers better programs and opportunities more in line with what I want. So I've decided to go there. I am still moving to the east coast but now much sooner. Sooner as in two months.

So I've made lists, had discussions, created spreadsheets organizing the "project." Now I need to start actually preparing for the move. Physically. I need to sort through my stuff and decide what to get rid of. There is so much I no longer want, and I am looking forward to this move being the catalyst that really drives a transition from the stuff of my youth to a leaner, more adult compilation of stuff. So this is my plan. And I need to start.

Yesterday I stood in front of my bookshelf. On every shelf there were a handful of books I didn't want to read, didn't like, or no longer feel the need to keep. But I didn't want to take anything off the bookshelf. So I just looked. I wasn't ready to dismantle. I froze up.

Today I woke up early and went for a run along the beach. It felt good to be outside after almost two months of primarily indoor exercise. On the run I decided it's time. It was a little late, but the "don't think just go!" moment happened. The tear down starts today.

*This is reference to Lisa Lisa and her Cult Jam. I've been listening to some favs from the 80's lately. I can feel the beat now. Que sera, que sera.

My Crumble Cobbler Concoction

I decided to not go to class last night. There is no way I can complete the course requirements (with my upcoming move) so I figured there was no point in going. I embraced a can't do attitude; I gave in to sloth. Well, actually, I wasn't all that slothful. I decided to bake something in honor of the day. And the motivation to bake crept into a desire to cook. So I cooked a real, mom-like, balanced meal of lemon chicken, roasted sweet potatoes, and broccoli in a balsamic marinade. Then I made a mixed berry crumble. It ended up being more like a mixed berry cobbler because of several errors I made: 1) we didn't have enough flour; 2) I might have mixed the mixture too much. It said to lightly move around the flour with a fork just until moistened. I think I went a little crazy with the stirring. I am going to attribute this to stronger arm muscles (LOL); 3) I used 8 cups of berries but the recipe called for 6. It was still really good.

Which brings me to an observation. A couple of weeks ago I cooked some homemade tomato-y mac-and-cheese for a superbowl shindig. As I was making it, I could not believe the amount of cheese it called for. I'm a BIG fan of cheese, and even I had issue putting that much in. In the end I cut back slightly, used low fat where available, and did not create layers like the recipe called for. Instead of layering I created two separate pans and gave one to the General to take with her to a different superbowl party (thereby bringing cheesy goodness to the masses). When I ate some later that day I was shocked that it wasn't all that cheesy. In fact more cheese would have been good.

Last night, while making my crumble cobbler concoction, I was shocked at the amount of sugar it called for. But I dutifully packed and poured and was surprised in the end when the dessert was the perfect amount of just-right-sweet. These recipe writers really know there stuff.

As the General pointed out, if I think these dishes seem to have a lot of cheese and sugar but don't actually taste too decadent, then what about those things you eat that do? How much cheese and sugar needs to be added to make it too much? I am thinking SCARY amounts.

Dueling Philosphies

I keep forgetting that it's Valentine's day. I guess I am just preoccupied with other thoughts. My day isn't full of love and pink, it is full of sore muscles and structure. Wake up, workout, go to work, go to school. The structure is punctuated with thoughts of food. I feel like eating lots of it, but I have only brought oatmeal and cliff bars and veggies with me. I am still dreaming of the fabulous Indian meal I had last night. I want more of it. I am also trying to decide if/when I should drop one of the classes I am taking. CMB convinced me to go tonight at least. We'll be doing venous punctures on mannequins. He says it's good practice, even if I will have to learn how later regardless. He has a point, but then, not going would be really nice too. My right arm still sports a large bruise where a nurse botched up a blood test last week. It hurts and it kind of turns me off to the idea of learning how to impose such bruises on other people. Well, it turns me off to the idea TODAY at least. In regards to this situation, I am stuck between the philosophy of "learn as much as you can, be the best you can be, NOW" and "why work hard today when you'll be working so hard later?" Hmm....which one to pick and run with....

Recommendations:

Mr.FOB is a super cool organization that introduces you to various ethnic foods. It takes you to the best places, provides insight into dishes not normally served here, and provides some knowledge as to the way the food should be eaten. I joined up for the Indian meal they hosted last night and was blown away at how good it was. I eat a lot of Indian food, both locally and during my time in England, and I never had any of these specific dishes. And the best part? Mr. FOB was created by a friend of mine and her fellow students attending business school right now. I love supporting the new, cool things my friends do!

I just finished reading The Memory Keeper's Daugher. It was really good. It wasn't a White Oleander, Bel Canto, Fall on Your Knees kind of good, but it was enjoyable and interesting. It deals with secrets and how they can affect the lives of everyone involved. It gave some relevant, good insight into the human psyche, and in many ways I identified with portions of the experience and with pieces of the emotion at play.

Liv at 13

In the past few weeks, three strangers have told me I look like Liv Tyler. I heard this several times before, but the rate has unexpectedly increased. The latest comment came this morning in body sculpting class. For the record, I do think this sort of thing is a compliment, but I don't always see it.

One of the people who said this was pretty specific. He said, "You look just like Liv Tyler when she was 13." (He knew her then, apparently.)

I don't know what that means.

Does that mean I look younger than her now?? Does that mean I still have baby fat that she's since lost? I think he called me fat.

Kryptonite!

Frac! TCN is coming to town. And he wants to meet up. I told him about the school I'm going to and he said, "We won't be very far apart. We'll have to plan a road trip in the Fall."

This is bad. He is my kryptonite.

(For more history on this boy type "TCN" in the search field above and hit "search this blog.")

Weekend Recap

On Friday I had my first day of volunteering in the ER of a busy, urban hospital. It was fun! I got to do and see some cool things. Well, I guess "cool" depends on your perspective. The patients might not have used the same word. It's funny--the staff were quick to ignore me and were hesitant to be friendly at first. Many of them didn't even introduce themselves and only did so because I stuck my hand out and said, "Hi, I'm ML, the new volunteer." By the end of my shift though, the two guys I work with most were actively thinking of things to give me and then seemed surprised when my shift was over. Kind of like, "Wait...you're going now? But we have x and y for you to do!" In only four hours they were starting to trust and rely on me a little bit. I can't help but wonder if all of this--initially ignoring me, then being distant, then starting to trust and slightly depend--is a pattern related to the nature of their work. Regular crisis management has got to have some sort of side-effects on the way you deal with things.

After volunteering I went to Target to buy toothpaste and conditioner. $100 and two bags full of stuff later, I walked out. I have a love hate relationship with that store. They take so much of my money. Damn them! I do love my new stuff though...

Since 2007 began, I generally do my 5 weekly workouts in the morning. This past Saturday, however, I decided to get stuff done around the house first. And around lunch time something strange happened. I started getting really grumpy and annoyed with everything. For no reason. When I finally did make it to the gym, after a 60 min "Triathlon" workout (20 running, 20 biking, 20 swimming), my sudden and atypical bad mood began to lift. I felt good! As I was sitting in the hot tub and then in the steam room, I realized that perhaps my body is starting to depend on that "feel good" hormone release generated by exercise. I think I am addicted! It's not bad, but it is surprising. And now I am having trouble sticking to the 5X a week schedule. Now I feel compelled to exercise every day. Fortunately, my addiction to being lazy and sleeping in sometimes helps quell that urge.

On Saturday night I went to see my dad's band play. They're getting so good and I liked the restaurant they played at. It was fun hanging with BDP, her momma, and my momma. After that, I met up with the Private and a new friend of hers for drinks. This new friend is in charge of design merchandising at the Apple stores. Given that she works with a company that has it's finger on the pulse of all that is "cool" in technology right now, I wasn't surprised to discover that she is very fashionable and stylish herself. At one point in the evening she said, "You've got great hair! How do you style it?" I was thrilled! This girl, all decked out in clothes bought from expensive boutiques in New York, liked my hair.

I started catching up on my photo albums yesterday. I am very behind. The past couple of years of school-plus-work got in the way of things like this. Last night I was putting in photos from the end of 2004 and beginning of 2005. (See? I'm SO behind!). My goal is to be caught up to date with my albums before I move. That means putting in all the pictures I have already ordered (through the end of summer '05) and then ordering pictures from the Fall of 2005 through now. I'm already overwhelmed. But I shall persevere.

Photos of the...Last Month or So

(I can't get the captions to line up next to the photos, so you'll have to solve the mystery).

1) My Grandmother's piano. I think it was in her family before it was hers and came from Hawaii. She's a pianist and many of the other piano players in my family (myself included) first learned on this. 2) My grandfather grows everything in his garden. This is a perfect little pineapple that was growing there over Christmas. 3)Morning light shining through big green leaves.

Because We Can

I really enjoyed this Newsweek article about girls being raised with influences such as Britney and Paris. I think so often we think that things are worse now. More divorce, more depression, more promiscuity, etc. And it is easy to jump to those conclusions. But I think people are pretty much the same. We (generally) have the same weaknesses and the same motivation as our parents and our parents parents and our parents parents parents. The bad only seems bigger because we have more opportunity, more access to information, and because--in true American fashion--we want things that are fast, easy, and good-feeling. When things don't feel good, we move on, I think that is why divorce rates and use of anti-depressants* are so high. It's not because people are less happy than before, it's because we have less patience for dealing with certain things and we give up faster. Because we can. It's not always necessarily the right thing to do, but I think it's normal human behavior.

It will be interesting to see what happens next.

*I am by no means saying that all people on anti-depressants are trying to implement a quick fix to unhappiness. Depression is often times a biological issue and can be corrected by the right use of medication. What I am referring to above is the quick habit to over-prescribe and/or want medication even when the issue in question is not biological.

The Long Way Round

Ewan McGreggor likes motorcycles. In 2004, he and his best friend decided they should ride their motorcycles across the world. They started in London and they finished in New York. They were going to cross 20,000 miles and 12 countries in 115 days. They were going to ride through areas where people don't usually ride--places in Russia were they used to send people for punishment, areas in Mongolia where there are no roads, cities in Kazakhstan overrun by the mafia. They wanted to find sponsors but had trouble finding a good motorbike company who thought they wouldn't fail. They had trouble getting visas and trouble explaining to certain governments the why's and how's of their trip. But they did it, and they videotaped the journey. It is documented now in a six part mini-series called the Long Way Round.

I started watching it last night and I love it.

First, I love the adventure. Second, Ewan and his sidekick are very funny. Third, they have a lot of struggles to overcome, and I find myself oscillating between feelings of jealousy ("I want to explore too!"), shock ("You are crazy!"), and wonder ("The world is full of so many different things, people and places!").

It is great and I highly recommend it to anyone who has interest in seeing the world. So, I recommend it to everyone, because everyone should want to see the world.

Back to Good

I know it's only Monday, but so far it is a great week. Why you ask? Because the weather is beautiful. This is how it should be in February. In fact, if I were in charge the weather would continue to be like this. Actually, if I were in charge, it would perhaps warm up slightly so that it's about 80 in the day along the beaches and about 70 at night. It would stay this way until mid-September because that is when I start to enjoy colder, Fall-like weather. And then the cold fall/winter weather would remain in effect through January 2nd. At which point, we would return to my ideal spring/summer conditions.

But, I am not in charge. So I need to maximize my enjoyment of this warm weather now. Especially since my left coast time is limited.

Today I enjoyed the day by consuming a salad while eating out in the sun, and then by having some Golden Spoon frozen yogurt, again in the sun. It was glorious.

Of course, part of the reason I am enjoying the day so much might be because life has finally gotten back to good. I am feeling the benefits of 5 weeks of working out, sleeping regularly, eating healthy. Getting into a nursing program helps too. And there are other good things going on. Here are some of them:

1) I discovered how to make the perfect cafe con leche at home. The secret? Filtering cinnamon AND brown sugar with the ground espresso. And then using toasted almond cream. C'est tres parfait! Even the General agrees.

2) My brother is coming home this weekend. CMB has recently filled in as my little brother, with all his annoying neediness. But I am ready for the brother role to go back to my actual brother. TL's neediness is never annoying. It is endearing and precious. (Yes, I am completely wrapped around TL's little finger. He knows it, I know it, it works.)

3) My BFF KM's bachlorette is coming up! I am a co-coordinator of the festivities, and I am pleased to announce all big planning details are complete. It should be lots of fun.

4) I am not hungover today. This may seem like an odd item to include on this list, but if you've known me for sometime, you know that a) I don't get hungover very often and b) when I do, it is severely disabling. I can do nothing but lay around and not move. If I move, I get sick. It's just a fact. On Friday I was hungover for the first time in a long while. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I had a true "disabled-all-day" kind of hangover. So cheers to learning that Thursday night "Weekend Warm-ups" are for warming up the weekend, not killing it.

5) Last night I accidentally watched Pride and Prejudice again (the Keira Knightly version). It was an accident because it was time to go to sleep. Only I didn't feel like sleeping, so I turned on the TV and it was just there. And it had just begun. I planned on watching only a few minutes of it (because the whole thing is recorded on our DVR)....but then I just couldn't stop...until it was over....at 1:30 AM. I really like this version of P&P. I want Darcy to fall madly and hopelessly in love with me. And then announce it while we randomly meet in a field at sunrise. Oh the romance!

Surprise!

There are a few things I've learned about myself lately that surprise me:

1) I love PE! I had to take a PE course for one of the programs I was going to apply to, so I enrolled in Body Sculpting and it kicks my a** every time. And I love it. No, I love, Love, LOVE it. The instructor is great and every day is different. I am sore for days after each workout and the instructor plays the latest best music (think Justin, Fergie, Gwen, etc.). We use all different kinds of equipment (provided by the school for free!). The cost of the course is only $10 for 6 months--seriously, that means it costs $0.30 a class. That is better than any gym I can think of.

In elementary and high school I couldn't stand PE and I would do anything to get out of it. So it is odd that I am okay with it now. Odder still that I actually look forward to it.

2) I am tired of wearing jeans. Now that I only work part time and spend a lot more of my time in class and doing school related things, all I wear are jeans and I'm tired of them. I never expected that to happen. So in the last month I have made a concerted effort to purchase more non-jean pants--both the kind I can wear to work (I needed some new work pants) and the kinds I can wear on the weekend or to school.

I remember in college when it was cool to wear black pants to go out in. The standard go-out look was black pants and some tight, revealing shirt. For the last 5 or 6 years though, it's been about jeans. Jeans and some tight, revealing shirt. In light of my "wear something other than jeans" campaign, I am considering wearing slacks out. Not fancy ones and not necessarily black ones but not jeans. I just bought some nice dark brown pants and I think they'll work just perfectly.

3) I am really truly grateful for my experiences in business. I knew, logically, that I had many great business experiences that would help in nursing (especially as an advanced practice nurse), but I hadn't experienced it until recently. Managing projects, leading meetings, speaking at large conferences, creating power points, working as a team, working independently--these are all valuable skills and I think all of them will really help me going forward.

I have spent a lot of time wishing that I had figured out "what I want to do when I grow up" earlier. I have thought a lot about how much easier this would have been had I done this the first time around. I have frowned at the fact that I'm going to be 32 before I really start working as a Nurse Practitioner. But maybe now I am starting to see the value in having waited.

Surprises are fun.