Hit the Beat Now*

Whenever I have to do something that is really important, or something I am nervous about (like take a big test, run a long distance, give a big presentation) there is a moment right before it starts where my mind goes from a panic/stress mode to a calm quiet. I stress until it's time to not to, and then I think, "don't think, just go!" I go on autopilot. I take the test, run the run, present. It always works. I never freeze up.

I found out on Friday that I got into the other nursing school I was waiting on. One could argue that this school is better than the first. Personally I think it offers better programs and opportunities more in line with what I want. So I've decided to go there. I am still moving to the east coast but now much sooner. Sooner as in two months.

So I've made lists, had discussions, created spreadsheets organizing the "project." Now I need to start actually preparing for the move. Physically. I need to sort through my stuff and decide what to get rid of. There is so much I no longer want, and I am looking forward to this move being the catalyst that really drives a transition from the stuff of my youth to a leaner, more adult compilation of stuff. So this is my plan. And I need to start.

Yesterday I stood in front of my bookshelf. On every shelf there were a handful of books I didn't want to read, didn't like, or no longer feel the need to keep. But I didn't want to take anything off the bookshelf. So I just looked. I wasn't ready to dismantle. I froze up.

Today I woke up early and went for a run along the beach. It felt good to be outside after almost two months of primarily indoor exercise. On the run I decided it's time. It was a little late, but the "don't think just go!" moment happened. The tear down starts today.

*This is reference to Lisa Lisa and her Cult Jam. I've been listening to some favs from the 80's lately. I can feel the beat now. Que sera, que sera.