Disorganization!

My biggest pet peeve in the whole wide world: disorganization.

(But only when I'm working with disorganized people on something important. I don't care if you are personally disorganized. But if you are disorganized and we're working together, than I am VERY grumpy. This could be problematic as I move towards a healthcare career...)

Semester almost over....then I'll write about these craptastic past few months and the only two good things that happened during them: Guatemala and the visit from my mother.

Over and out.

That Kind of Week

It's that week....that week during the semester when you feel like there is no possible way to get everything done. The kind of week full of group projects resting entirely on your shoulders. The kind of week full of trying to forget someone you know you need to say good-bye to. The kind of week that you hope never happens again, though you know it probably will. Soon.

Yay, yay, school is fun.

If I survive, I get to go to NYC this weekend! It will be great but it also poses some challenges for the work looming ahead next week...but that is okay because I have my babysitting money all saved up, and I have a pretty shirt to wear. I am very easy to please.

California-itis

Each year, for the past few years, I have gotten bronchitis or a bronchitis-like respiratory illness in the fall. This past fall, not only did I not get one, but I didn't even get a cold. Which was amazing considering: a) my stress levels and irregular sleep patterns b) the amount of time I spend in hospitals around sick people, and c) that I now live in a much colder environment requiring bundling when you're outside and heat when you're in. When I was home for Christmas, I realized all this, and smugly gave myself a virtual pat on the back for being healthy.

By the time I got on my red-eye back to B'more, I had the first signs of a cough. And I blamed Southern California.

My cough ran its course and by early to mid-January it was gone for the most part.

But then...I got a bad cold. I thought maybe it was just an encore presentation of my Cali-induced winter cough. A little perk for going out dancing before I was actually ready for such activities. Whatever it was, it went away last week.

But then...I started coughing again. Last night, in fact.

I'd like to continue thinking that my theory still stands. That I don't get sick in MD and that this is merely a continuation of my So Cal Disease. But the half nurse in me knows that is probably not true. Maybe karma is giving me a little kick for wrongfully assuming that the life I lead here is healthy.

Such Great Heights

This past weekend (and this week so far) has been like a week spent in School Hell. I know I've stressed in the past and complained about work, but this time...well, this time it was enough to send me into a panic attack type thing on Sunday evening. I was so immobilized by not knowing when to do it all that I had to call my mom and cry. Then I emailed a teacher and asked for an extension on one of my papers. Fortunately, two things happened:

1) After my panic attack, I got my a** in gear and proceeded to get a pretty high grade (comparatively) on a very hard pathophysiology exam where most of the questions were taken verbatim from over 200 pages of detailed, science-heavy textbook reading.

2) My professor decided to extend the deadline on the assignment I emailed about. Problem is, she extended it to Monday morning and I need to be done with it by Thursday evening. So the added cushion does me no good.

Thus...my panic and stress still lie at what has become a way too high baseline.

Good news?? KA comes to visit on Thursday (which is why I want to be done with everything by then). I can't wait for the weekend and I can't wait to relax and frolic in the fall Berkshire sunshine without having to worry about metabolic acidosis.

And now, back to studying.

Such is Life

This may have been the longest break I've ever taken between posts. It's been busy! When I have time to write (which isn't very often) I don't have the energy to be insightful, creative or communicative. Here are some quick updates:

• Next week is 6th week in a 10 week program. We're in the middle of mid-terms right now.
• Last weekend I drove to New Jersey to visit with KM, her new husband and RJ. It was a long and expensive drive (WTF is up with toll roads on the East Coast?!?!?! I spent $17 one way). I was grumpy on my drive up, as I didn't have the time to spend 6 hours on the road, but I am SO glad I went. It was really rejuvenating spending time with people who know you.
• I've been sort of depressed lately. Which is another reason I haven't written in here. I am not worried about how I feel. I think it makes sense: big life changes, constant stress, total immersion into a completely different way of thinking, etc. On top of that I am rethinking everything about the kind of nursing I want to go into, and that might mean going to a different school after this year. AND I have a horrible clinical instructor. So it's been a hard time lately.
• I don't miss home exactly, but I miss familiar people. It can be exhausting relying solely on new people for all your friend needs. And it just isn't the same...
• I spent 4th of July inner tubing on the Shenandoah River in West Virgina. It was lots of fun and FANTASTIC to be outside not studying.
• I met a nice/interesting/fun boy. I really had a good time with him, but nothing can come of it because he is leaving the area soon. Considering how I'm already feeling a lack of emotional connection to anything Baltimore-related, it kind of felt like a cruel cosmic joke: "Here's someone fun that you enjoy hanging out with....but now he's leaving. Ha, ha, ha!"
• And due to all of the above, I want a pet. I like dogs better then cats but my building doesn't allow dogs, so I have to get a cat. Problem is cats are expensive, so I decided to start babysitting. This solves many problems: it gives me a personal connection with something little to love (it's for one 19 month little boy), it gives me non-taxed cash, paid time to study (little boys need sleep), it is flexible--there is no set structure to when I will work and I can say yes/no depending on what's happening in school, AND the woman I'm sitting for works in the department at a hospital I may want to work at one day, so there are good networking opps. I start tonight!
• While B's are Beautiful , A's are always Awesome and I'm getting A's in 4 out of 5 classes right now.

Further Explanation

Regarding my financial whining from yesterday--I don't want to make it sound like I am actually starving. As most people who have had to pay for a new home or for school knows, moving into a life based on less income and a tighter budget is always challgening. Especially if you have been used to not worrying about these sorts of things. Since I am very type-A and tend to be a worrier, I also tend to panic pretty easily. That's all that was about. I know we all have had financial concerns at one point or another. I just happen to be at the peak of one right now.

Stomping My Feet

Baltimorian's pronounce "Baltimore" without the 't' sound, so that the 't' sounds more like a soft 'd.' In fact, it sounds sort of like Voldemort (if the final 't' in Voldemort were silent). I wonder if anyone else has ever made that connection...or if it's just my crazy over-scienced brain making connections to a Harry Potter world as a form of escape.

So...I'm really poor. No--I'm really, REALLY poor. I'm thinking things like, "You don't really need to take the bus...walk and save the $3." Or, "Can I afford that small 7-11 drip coffee today?" I don't like it. Not one bit. I actually added Top Ramen to my shopping list the other day. But I can't afford to go grocery shopping until next week. Such is the life of a second-time college/grad student, I suppose.

JHU is very advanced, in terms of online devices. They're probably on par with every other large, private and over-funded higher educational institute in America. However, compared to the JC I did my pre-reqs at, JHU is very advanced. Most of the time, I appreciate that very much. But the other night I was having some trouble with new software related to all their super advanced IT-ness. I decided to take a break and do something relaxing, to step away from my brewing frustration. I wanted to update my iPod software. In the process, I somehow deleted half of the music library on my hard drive (over 25 GB). The music is still on my iPod, but you can't transfer music in that direction. Fortunately, I have back-up CD's with everything on it, but I lost all my play lists. It takes a lot of time to organize/add all that music back in! Wah, wah.

In response to all my techno-issues, I literally stomped my feet in frustration. School is making me revert to a less mature version of me.

Speaking of school...today was my 3rd day of classes, and I am (illegally) taking a minute to do non-school related things right now (writing this post). But it's only a few minutes...and I had some stuff to share.

There have been a couple of moments over the past week (usually in class or when I was at orientation) where I had a quick, intense, fleeting feeling of "What the hell am I doing?!?!"

I looked around at a room full of people I barely know, in a city that barely feels like home, in a field of study where everything is new to me and I feel constantly stupid 'cause I can't do the most basic of things, on a side of the country that is miles and miles away from everything that feels "right" to me. And I think, "What have I gotten myself in to?"

And then the instructor puts up a new power point slide. And I start furiously writing to keep up with her. And class ends, and I take the bus home to an apartment in the center of Balt...er...The-City-That-Won't-Be-Named* And then life goes on.

I do not doubt what I have done 99.99% of the time. But every now and then, when I'm not looking, that 0.01% creeps in.


*If you don't get this, you should read Harry Potter and possibly become more cool.

TJ's, East Coast Style

Happy Sunday! I think it’s going to be difficult writing in here as much as I used to going forward, but I am going to try and commit to at least once a week.

Last Sunday I went to the local Trader Joes for the first time. The only TJs in the area is in the suburbs and due to MD law, they can’t sell wine. I used to buy most of my wine from TJs, so even before going I was prepared to have a different TJ’s experience. And there did turn out to be several other differences. As I walked up and down each aisle, I took a little mental inventory. It went like this: “Good, they carry my favorite salad dressing here,” “Oh no, where is the tomato gnocchi??” and “Wow…I’ve never seen this marinated tuna before.” In the end, this TJ carried most of the things I love. They even had a few new things that I tried since last Sunday and now love too. Which is a bonus. They do not, however, carry two HUGE staples of my So Cal existence. They don’t have my favorite frozen tomato gnocchi dish, and most importantly, THEY DON”T HAVE MY FAVORITE SALSA!!!! Yes, that’s right. The Roasted Tomatillo Salsa is not here in the east coast. And my second favorite salsa, The Medium Especial, isn’t there either. In fact they only had two or three fresh salsas available. I guess that should be expected—we’re much further from Mexico now--but still…a little piece of my heart chipped off and floated away as I noticed these items were not there. And as I noticed there was no space for them. And as I asked about them in panic to a near-by TJ’s employee. And as they confirmed they indeed do not carry such things.

To make the proverbial lemonade, I grabbed two of the three fresh salsas that were available and to my satisfaction, they were pretty good. Nothing STELLAR, but they will do. I even ate them in my normal pace and they were both gone within 36 hours. (I’ve gone back to my salsa-and-chip-as-a-meal pattern).

One of the other differences between this TJs and the ones back home: more seafood and seafood related items. I tried some lovely marinated ahi steaks. They were pretty good!

I also picked up some strawberries. I bought some strawberries the day before at the farmer’s market, but they were almost gone and strawberry season is almost over. Plus these strawberries were the largest I’d seen in a grocery store. Here’s one of them next to an apple. They were almost the same size.












The fact that they were so big made me wonder: are these organic or were they grown with hormones and other bad chemicals? I looked at the package and saw that these strawberries are actually from California. I had been kind of down that day, so when I noticed the strawberries were Californian, it made me sad. Also, they weren't organic. That made me sad too. I guess I had been blinded by their size. Size matters in the berry world.

Suck it Up

I am exhausted today. Some of it might be the time change and some of it might have to do with what I did this weekend. Maybe it was full of too much--too much food, too much dancing, too much socializing. But all in a good way. My time here is limited!

• I went out dancing both Friday and Saturday night until the club/bar closed. I was up until after 3 AM each time.
• I ate ridiculous amounts of fatty things including bread pudding (made from Danish and pastries), a buttery ham-and-cheese croissant sandwich, a chicken burrito from Taco Bell, and various items from an all-you-can-eat Champagne brunch at the Trump Golf Course in PV.
• I worked out Friday, Saturday and Sunday doing a variety of things including a "Latin Rhythm" Salsa workout, a bike ride, some aerobics, and a running/stair-climbing beach workout.
• On top of all that, I finished making a scrap book of my family's trip to Australia a few years ago, I sang with my dad's band again, and I went to a bowling-alley birthday party for KQ and G.

The net result? My voice is hoarse from talking over loud music, my feet hurt from wearing heels late into the night, I intermittently crave eating comfort food and never eating again, I have more confidence in my cha-cha, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Is it 5 PM yet???

Giving Away the Bride

This past weekend was my BFF's bachlorette party in Vegas. I had a great time! It was truly fun to be out in Vegas again with (13) girlfriends. Despite staying out until 5 AM on Friday night, it was apparent that we're all a bit older. We couldn't hang as long on Saturday night and my feel only just recovered yesterday from two nights of dancing in heels.

Even though the entire weekend was really fun, I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to it. And I think the reason is because the whole event is in celebration of a wedding. And a wedding means a marriage, which means a change in our friendship. As much as people say that relationships don't change friendships, they do. Normally those changes come before the wedding day though. As soon as the friend becomes really excited and happy about her new guy, the friendship goes to the back-burner. The friend only wants to spend time with the guy. Or wants to spend most of her time with the guy. And when you're hanging out, she tries to pretend to be 100% there but she never is. So the involved girl starts bringing her guy along more. Or has to check with him before making plans with her girlfriends. I know this whole process is normal, and I totally get it, but it's still sad.

Well the problem with BFF's situation is that I have never even met her fiancee (due to logistics). This is the person that makes her happiest in the world. The person she wants to be spending the rest of her life with. The person who is supposedly going to accompany BFF, myself and my one-day husband on future travels. She is SO very excited about him and everything. And I am SO very excited that she is happy. But I don't know him...and it's hard for me to lose a large piece of her to this person I don't know.

So I wasn't 100% excited about the Bachlorette. And I don't think I'll have a chance to see BFF again before I move away. And due to school I might not even get to be at the wedding. So saying good-bye on Sunday was very, very hard, and I cried all the way to the airport.

Today I am feeling very reluctant about losing friends to great guys, and for the first time ever, I am not sad that I'm single. I am sad that most of my friends are starting not to be.

The Sound of Thursday

I started doing Spin before my Body Sculpting class. It's a tough two hour workout. Today was only my second day of doing them both together, and the instructor was particularly harsh in Body Sculpting. We worked with those step things (with a minimum of two risers.) We used weights and resistance bands. I've never done so many lunges and squat combinations in my life. And doing them AFTER an hour of hill work in spinning left me feeling very weak.

After class I walked to my car via a shortcut--cutting through a pretty little garden on a quaint stone path. I stepped on a stone at an angle, lost my balance and fell. I think I would have been able to right myself had my core muscles not been shaking. Whatever. I twisted my ankle, rammed my shin on a rock and said the F word loud enough for someone to come and see if I was okay. I was. Just a little sore.

Then on my drive into work, I spilled coffee all the way down my new shirt. My new ivory colored shirt. THANK GOD for Tide Pens. Seriously, it is one of my favorite things. If I were in the Sound of Music, I would have a verse in that Favorite Things song dedicated to the detergent pen. It would go like this:

Tide Pens and Sushi and Trader Joes Salsa
Battlestar Gallactica and very cheesy pasta
Fluffy down comforters and my grandmothers rings
These are a few of my favorite things