Stomping My Feet
Baltimorian's pronounce "Baltimore" without the 't' sound, so that the 't' sounds more like a soft 'd.' In fact, it sounds sort of like Voldemort (if the final 't' in Voldemort were silent). I wonder if anyone else has ever made that connection...or if it's just my crazy over-scienced brain making connections to a Harry Potter world as a form of escape.
So...I'm really poor. No--I'm really, REALLY poor. I'm thinking things like, "You don't really need to take the bus...walk and save the $3." Or, "Can I afford that small 7-11 drip coffee today?" I don't like it. Not one bit. I actually added Top Ramen to my shopping list the other day. But I can't afford to go grocery shopping until next week. Such is the life of a second-time college/grad student, I suppose.
JHU is very advanced, in terms of online devices. They're probably on par with every other large, private and over-funded higher educational institute in America. However, compared to the JC I did my pre-reqs at, JHU is very advanced. Most of the time, I appreciate that very much. But the other night I was having some trouble with new software related to all their super advanced IT-ness. I decided to take a break and do something relaxing, to step away from my brewing frustration. I wanted to update my iPod software. In the process, I somehow deleted half of the music library on my hard drive (over 25 GB). The music is still on my iPod, but you can't transfer music in that direction. Fortunately, I have back-up CD's with everything on it, but I lost all my play lists. It takes a lot of time to organize/add all that music back in! Wah, wah.
In response to all my techno-issues, I literally stomped my feet in frustration. School is making me revert to a less mature version of me.
Speaking of school...today was my 3rd day of classes, and I am (illegally) taking a minute to do non-school related things right now (writing this post). But it's only a few minutes...and I had some stuff to share.
There have been a couple of moments over the past week (usually in class or when I was at orientation) where I had a quick, intense, fleeting feeling of "What the hell am I doing?!?!"
I looked around at a room full of people I barely know, in a city that barely feels like home, in a field of study where everything is new to me and I feel constantly stupid 'cause I can't do the most basic of things, on a side of the country that is miles and miles away from everything that feels "right" to me. And I think, "What have I gotten myself in to?"
And then the instructor puts up a new power point slide. And I start furiously writing to keep up with her. And class ends, and I take the bus home to an apartment in the center of Balt...er...The-City-That-Won't-Be-Named* And then life goes on.
I do not doubt what I have done 99.99% of the time. But every now and then, when I'm not looking, that 0.01% creeps in.
*If you don't get this, you should read Harry Potter and possibly become more cool.
So...I'm really poor. No--I'm really, REALLY poor. I'm thinking things like, "You don't really need to take the bus...walk and save the $3." Or, "Can I afford that small 7-11 drip coffee today?" I don't like it. Not one bit. I actually added Top Ramen to my shopping list the other day. But I can't afford to go grocery shopping until next week. Such is the life of a second-time college/grad student, I suppose.
JHU is very advanced, in terms of online devices. They're probably on par with every other large, private and over-funded higher educational institute in America. However, compared to the JC I did my pre-reqs at, JHU is very advanced. Most of the time, I appreciate that very much. But the other night I was having some trouble with new software related to all their super advanced IT-ness. I decided to take a break and do something relaxing, to step away from my brewing frustration. I wanted to update my iPod software. In the process, I somehow deleted half of the music library on my hard drive (over 25 GB). The music is still on my iPod, but you can't transfer music in that direction. Fortunately, I have back-up CD's with everything on it, but I lost all my play lists. It takes a lot of time to organize/add all that music back in! Wah, wah.
In response to all my techno-issues, I literally stomped my feet in frustration. School is making me revert to a less mature version of me.
Speaking of school...today was my 3rd day of classes, and I am (illegally) taking a minute to do non-school related things right now (writing this post). But it's only a few minutes...and I had some stuff to share.
There have been a couple of moments over the past week (usually in class or when I was at orientation) where I had a quick, intense, fleeting feeling of "What the hell am I doing?!?!"
I looked around at a room full of people I barely know, in a city that barely feels like home, in a field of study where everything is new to me and I feel constantly stupid 'cause I can't do the most basic of things, on a side of the country that is miles and miles away from everything that feels "right" to me. And I think, "What have I gotten myself in to?"
And then the instructor puts up a new power point slide. And I start furiously writing to keep up with her. And class ends, and I take the bus home to an apartment in the center of Balt...er...The-City-That-Won't-Be-Named* And then life goes on.
I do not doubt what I have done 99.99% of the time. But every now and then, when I'm not looking, that 0.01% creeps in.
*If you don't get this, you should read Harry Potter and possibly become more cool.
posted by Follow the Frog at 6:11 PM
3 Comments:
I hear on you on feeling the money crunch for the first time in years. With the pending downpayment and mortgage, I'm thinking/worrying about money in a way I never really have before. Although I'm not at the stage you're at (yet), I did pass up on buying a book this weekend and decided to go to to the library instead to save money!
ftf:
i get the "wtf?" feelings-- i felt that way once i got to france in 04. i spent so much time and energy trying to get there... and once i did, i thought, oh crap, where's my family, my bf, my bookstores and us weeklies and the gap? but then i'd eat a croissant, or hear church bells, or whatever. i made friends, and that made all the difference. i have no doubt that you will, too! it's very brave to move all the way across the country and start something new. not everyone has it in them to do so. yay for you!
Sorry to hear that you're having doubts every once in awhile, ML! I am feeling the same thing. Some days, I sit back and think "WTF have I just gotten myself into?!? I can't do this!" I totally feel for you. I hope that the nervous feelings subside and you fall into a comfortable routine. The-City-That-Must-Not-Be-Named sounds like a really nice place, but I understand it's hard living miles and miles away from family and old friends. I agree with Nikki: yay for you for making this giant leap of faith. It's a very brave thing to do, and we're all so proud of you! (Sorry for sounding like a mother just then, but it's true!)
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