New Pictures on Go Photog Yourself

The next photo assignment is up on Go Photog Yourself. Check out the pictures for this month's assingment, Fall.

The Good Year

Last night, The General (my roommate) made the best cupcakes ever. And I'm not exaggerating. They were seriously, the best cupcakes ever. EVER. They are coconut and are made from a very expensive Barefoot Contessa box recipe bought from a fabulous, Bristol Farms-inspired, mom-and-pop-sized, neighborhood market.

Here is what they looked like:




















But what they look like does nothing to convey how good they are. Seriously. If life is rated on a scale of happiness from 1 to 10, these cupcakes improved my life a whole number last night.

Speaking of my roommate and apartment related things, it is approximately the one year anniversary of living in our current home. When we moved in to this place, my mom said, "I have a good feeling about you living here. Good things are going to happen for you both."

Well, here we are a year later and both the General and I agree that the year has been a good one. Despite ups and downs, the net results are positive. I often forget how much can happen in a single year (or in Rent terms, "525,600 minutes") and looking back on this one I am amazed at how much stuff can fill up all those minutes.

So tonight I plan to raise a cupcake to toast the good past and to celebrate the good future! And then I will enjoy life improving a whole number up as I consume more fluffy coconut goodness!

(later this week, an update on Halloween, our costumes and the boys!)

The Cat that Crossed the Road

Last night on my way home from school, I ran over a cat.

There had been horrible traffic getting out of the campus parking lot. There was some sort of event going on. The last light before the traffic cleared turned red as I approached it. So I stopped and sighed. I was anxious to get through and drive faster than 5 mph. When it turned green I accelerated with pent up frustration. Still, it was a busy street and I wasn't going more than 40 mph. It was dark and I was driving on a six lane road. The traffic was moving but there still were many cars around.

I saw the black and white cat jet across the road right as it hit the middle left-turn lane thing. I was in the fast lane and there wasn't much time to react. I swerved--which probably wasn't a good idea considering all the cars around me. I took the risk though because I didn't want to kill a cat. Incidentally, I was waiting to leave a message on BDP's cell phone right as this was all happening. So I saw the cat, shrieked, swerved, felt that sickening bump from my rear passenger tire, then BDP's message beeped and I was "on the air" so to speak. Needless to say, it was an odd message.

I feel bad for the following reasons:

I didn't go back to see if the cat was alright. The reason? There were many cars behind me and it was dark and it was a busy street. If I didn't hit the cat, the cars in the next two lanes probably would have. And I knew the cat wasn't alright, but I didn't know what to do about it...

I swerved to miss it and didn't miss it. Maybe if I hadn't swerved, the cat would be okay??

While I was on a busy street that lined my campus, it also bordered a neighborhood. This cat might have been a pet.

I am sorry, mystery black and white cat. Why did you have to cross the road then? And why did you want to cross the road at all??? There was nothing exciting over there...

The Best Thing

This is the best thing I've heard in a long time:

"Discipline is remembering what you want."

It comes from here.

Is it Monday yet?

Well...Portland was here this weekend. And while I had some fun sometimes, I am thrilled that he's gone. Not that he's awful--he's not. It's just that we don't have much to say to each other. He got in Friday afternoon and by Saturday morning at breakfast, I was tired of trying to come up with things to talk about and worried about what we were going to do for the rest of the weekend. Not a good sign.

The highlight of the weekend...going to the pumpkin patch! Singing Halloween songs with KA on our drunk walk home! And laughing with the General and BDP about silly things like the carpet.

Here are some of the things I learned this weekend:

1) I love Love LOVE my friends and appreciate them hanging out with us so much and saving me from long boring times with P alone.

2) Good conversation is priceless. I have been taking it for granted...

3) I do not like to be cuddled by guys I don't like. I do not like to be woken up because of cuddling. I cannot sleep in the same bed with a guy I don't like cuddling me. I had to resort to sleep aids every night and I am very tired today...

4) I really like pumpkin patches.

On Saturday afternoon, we passed a bus-stop ad that said "Is it Monday yet?" I am not sure what the ad was for, but it mirrored my thoughts perfectly.

High School Reunion!

I got my 10 year high school reunion thing in the mail today. I was hoping they'd all forgotten we graduated 10 years ago and that there'd be no big event. But they didn't. And I have mixed feelings about it...I will go (and part of me wants to) but I am not looking forward to it. Why? Because I'm not in a relationship. Everything else about my life is good and I am happy to share it with old high school people. I've been successful and there are good things ahead. I even look better than I did in high school (just 'cause I've lost weight). But I am not married and I don't even have a boyfriend. And while so many other people have gained weight and maybe haven't been as successful career-wise, if they have a boyfriend on some level I feel like they've "won." That's totally stupid and illogical, but this is the forum for my stupid and illogical thoughts.

But my AriHOna friend, DS, is going to go with me. He was a good friend through HS and college (and since). We're going to get drunk and laugh and point at the people who were "cool" then but are "uncool" now (Just kidding. Well sort of...we might not point). If I'm not bringing a boyfriend/fiancee/husband with me to this thing, then it seems fitting to go with DS.

A Few More Things...

I am wearing a headband today. I was inspired by the General who is a fan. It's fun and pretty! And it makes me feel like a girl again! Well, a cross between a girl and a prim-and-proper Charlotte-type person. The pearl earrings and puffy sleeve blouse, however, lends itself to a look more like the latter. This is what the headband looks like:

(The picture is kind of cropped because I didn't want anyone at work to see me taking a picture of the top of my head.)

Also, I have a mysterious bruise around my tattooed wrist. It's like someone grabbed me. There's one fingerprint type mark on the inside and another on the top. The only person who has grabbed me, that I'm aware of, is CMB (yes, I know, BAD BAD BAD but we're just friends. We talked about it and everything. We're friends. Pinky-swear.) He grabbed my wrist in an innocent and friend-like way to show off his karate skills. But it didn't hurt and I'm sure it wouldn't have left a bruise.

I feel like I had one more thing to share but I can't remember it now. Hmmmm...

Crossing Streams

Last night was a surprise party for a friend, CC. He was turning 30 and his long distance girlfriend type person planned it (along with a local friend too). The restaurant was exotic, the appetizers and deserts were fabulous, and the surprises were aplenty! He was surprised by a) the party, b) the new custom surfboard many people chipped in and bought him, and c) his long distance girlfriend type person showing up for the shindig. All the way from NY! He was also surprised by the mix of people. All kinds of different groups of friends were there. I think it kind of overwhelmed him, actually, and right after he walked in and saw the random mix of his friends, he said, "I feel like all my streams are crossing!"

I knew no one at the party but the birthday boy and KA. See, we know CC because we all used to work together. He and I were never the kind of friends who really got to know each others' non-work lives too much. I mean, we hung out a couple of times outside of work for happy hours, parties and the like, but I never met any of the other people in his life. If it weren't for myspace we probably wouldn't have even been invited. Go technology!

KA and I were talking to this lawyer-surfer guy for awhile (we bonded over these heavenly little pecan bars). He was nice and social but he reminded KA of some Frat-type guys we overheard in Vegas one morning talking about their female conquests. The funny thing is that when KA turned to tell me this, she moved in as though she were going to tell me a secret--even putting up her hand to cover her mouth in typical secret-telling fashion--but then proceeded to talk in a normal voice. I'm fairly certain lawyer-surfer guy heard us. He moved away soon after that and didn't come back.

All in all, it was an interesting and fun night. Especially since I don't do anything really "fun" during the week any more. Weekday fun for me now is watching a good TV show while eating a meal of chips and salsa.

The Boy, Not the City

Portland comes to town on Friday. For the past few weeks I have not been as excited about it as I was right after I met him. And I admit, much of the reason I wasn't excited is because I was distracted by CMB (who is BAD BAD BAD). But I have been trying to be less into CMB and more excited about Portland. And I continue to remind myself about how much fun I have with Portland (in person). And now...I am excited. Not TOTALLY EXCITED, but excited. And that is better than ambivalent.

I'm not sure I ever told the story of Portland on here, so here goes.

Right after the dumb ex broke up with me in early summer 2004, my BFF asked me if I wanted to go with her to Portland to visit her sister. I wanted to do anything that took my mind off the dumb-ex and my new singleness, so I said yes and booked a flight. We stayed with her sister, J, who at the time lived with her boyfriend, S, and his two friends, in a big hippy house in the Portland suburbs. It was a strange weekend for many reasons, some of which include the following: 1) They were all hippies (or hippy wannabees) and we aren't. 2) They live in a big messy house run by young 20-something hippy boys. Cleanliness was a factor. 3) They liked to do hippy things...like drink Pabst Blue Ribbon around a fire. We wanted to wear high heels and get our groove on, while sipping martinis downtown. 4) Three weeks after the break up, I was still in a strange place about the ex and myself and boys in general.

Enter Portland (the boy, not the city). He was one of the roommates. He was nice and funny and interested. And the attention was a good distraction. Until I freaked out all of a sudden about him and I and us and the fact that he wasn't the ex and what was I doing?!?! And then I got cold and distant because...I didn't want his affection or his attention. I never explained to him why I all of a sudden pulled away, and I always kind of felt bad about being spontaneously bitchy. But then I never thought I'd see him again...

Fast forward to September 2006. J and S got married, and Portland (the boy, not the city) was a best man. I knew ahead of time he'd be there, and I thought it would be best to be friendly and cordial. But then I saw him in his suit and he looked nice! And then we chatted and he was nice! And funny and sweet! And then I decided to apologize for my odd behavior two years earlier. So I did and he was so cool about everything.

Then we talked and danced and laughed together. And then we hung out the next day. And then I started to have a crush on him. And now he's coming to LA and my heart is partially consumed with feelings for another (bad bad bad) boy.

I am going to put all my energy into enjoying this weekend with Portland.

Because the last thing I want to do is to be distant and cold with him (again) for no apparent reason.

And there you have it. The story of Portland (the boy, not the city).

What Love Is

When my brother and I were little, we used to watch Snoopy, Come Home all the time. It was his favorite movie and I loved whatever he loved, because he’s my baby brother.

(By the way, I still know all the songs to this movie and if you bribe me with candy or shiny objects, I’ll sing them for you.)

So there was one scene in the movie that I never really got as a kid. I think it’s one of those things that happens in a children’s movie that means nothing to the kids watching it, but might have great insight and poignance to the adults who wrote the movie. I’ve never forgotten it, and periodically, it surfaces.

For some reason it surfaced this weekend. This is how it goes:

Peppermint Patty: What do you think love is, Chuck?

Charlie Brown: Well years ago my dad owned a black 1934 two-door sedan.

Peppermint Patty: What's that got to do with love?

Charlie Brown: Well, this is what he told me. There was this real cute girl, see. She used to go for rides with him in his car. And whenever he'd call for her, he would always hold open the car door for her. After she got in, and he had closed the door, he would walk around the back of the car to the driver's side. But before he could get there, she would reach over and press the button, locking him out. Then she'd just sit there and wrinkle her nose and grin at him. That's what I think love is.

There is a simple sweetness to this. I am still not sure I fully get the message, but something about it resonates with me and I like it. And maybe that’s why I’ve never forgotten it.

All the Autumn Grey

Today is cold and cloudy. It's fall, and I love it. I hit the snooze button for an hour this morning to fully relish in all the autumn grey. It's best when the weather matches my mood.

This is what I did this weekend:

Friday

I went to BD's apartment. We walked along the beach to get Cold Stone ice cream. Due to the ball crashing, I decided I earned the full-fattening ice cream this time. There would be none of this light or sinless stuff for me. I was all about the fat and the sin. I got the "Love it" size (which is way too much ice cream, especially when you don't really have an appetite) but it felt right and tasted good. I could only eat about half of it and left the other half for BD, who ate it the next morning for breakfast and felt sick. Sorry BD...

So we chatted and walked and caught up on the details of our lives. Then we watched 6 Degrees. We were going to watch some Sex and the City after that, but because we're old and boring we were too tired for much more. I went home. I was 10:30. I listened to Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars on repeat on the way home. And then I watched Grey's Anatomy until I fell asleep.

Saturday

My mom and spent the day buying the necessary materials to turn my brothers bedroom into a guestroom. It was fun! I bought these two beautiful pillows I have been eyeing for some time now. I don't need them--which is why I didn't buy them before--but on Saturday I wanted them badly enough to warrant their purchase. Now they sit on my couch and they make me happy whenever I see them. Who says shopping can't fill a void??

That afternoon, I felt exhausted for no apparent reason. I watched several more episodes of Grey's Anatomy before KA rescued me from my pathetic little arm chair cocoon. We went to my favorite wine bar where we consumed....wine. It was yummy.

Sunday

I woke up and felt badly for having done nothing productive all weekend. The Mount Everest-like pile of clothing in my room was starting to bug me. So I cleaned my room, made my bed, washed all my dishes, watered all the plants, straightened up the living room, etc. Then I went to lunch with B, the new next-door neighbor and friend of TCN's. It was her 25th birthday. Then...it was time for all the homework I hadn't done all week. I have an exam this Thursday and needed to get my ass in gear! It was hard getting started but I ended up getting a lot done.

Then I made strawberry cupcakes for my students.

Then I watched Grey's Anatomy until I fell asleep.

I have a sad, sad existence.

Relationship Inertia

There is a physics rule that says an object in motion will stay in motion until acted upon by an outside force. I am a firm believer that this rule applies to relationships. I've seen it again and again (and again). Once the ball starts rolling down the hill, it rolls until something stranger stops it. That "something stronger" can be any type of break-up. It can be the discovery of a deal-breaker. It can be an infidelity. Or it can be something mundane too...like a general growing disinterest. Either way, if the ball starts to roll, it doesn't stop until it crashes into something bigger.

This has been a truth in my life.

The ball I share with CMB may be crashing right now.

This is a good crash.

Strange Days

It's been a very, very strange week. Things I won't go into here but if you want to know, I'll tell you another time. Shoot me an email or something.

Portland bought his ticket to visit. He's coming on October 20th.

I think it will be fun, but honestly, I have mixed feelings about it too.

Sunday

Yesterday I watched 3 episodes of House (current season) and four episodes of Grey's Anatomy (season 2).

It was a productive day.