To the North!

I have exciting news. I have planned a trip to Maine! I have reservations at a little B&B/Inn in Boothbay! There are a couple of lighthouses to visit, much coastline to explore and a few islands near by to visit by boat. I am heading up on Monday the 13th. I have reservations for two nights in Boothbay but I want to try and get up closer to Maine on Monday evening (it's about a 9 hour drive from Baltimore). I may stay at a friend's in CT on that night, or I may just do a small Holiday Inn off of the highway sort of thing somewhere mid-way (if my friend isn't in town).

Since no one could really go with me, I decided to go alone. Actually, I probably could have found someone from school to go with, but I want to spend a lot of time exploring and taking pictures. I never feel 100% comfortable taking as many pictures as I want when I'm with someone else. I feel like it gets in the way of what they want to do. So I'm actually looking forward to seeing a place I've always wanted to, AND not feeling like I'm making anyone else bored.

Additionally, this semester has been a significant time for me. So much change and so much progress...my head is kind of reeling from it all. This trip sort of feels like a reward and a retreat. And even though it's going to be cheap (traveling solo means no nice meals out!), I am justifying it as a you-survived-your-first-semester-AND-you're-turning-29 gift. So happy birthday to me!

P.S. Thanks to Nikki of Frogblog for the original advice on Boothbay. Thanks Eva for confirmation that Boothbay is a good place to go.

P.S.S. BEFORE I can play with any photos I take for my Maine trip, I MUST finish going through my pix from Spain and from my cross country adventure. You are all my witnesses and you must hold me accountable for this. If I should fail in this goal you are all free to kick me in the shin.

Maine, anyone?

Does anyone want to go explore the coast of Maine with me? I am off from school and on the east coast from August 10th through the 22nd. It's a 12 hour drive from Baltimore, so I was thinking of breaking that up with a stop over somewhere in between. I wasn't wanting to be gone more than 4-5 days, and the trip needs to be VERY cheap! I am considering even going back to my early travel days and hostel-ing it (if Hotwire doesn't provide a better option).

I know most of you are on the west coast and don't have tons of extra vacation time and vacation money lying around, but I thought I'd put it out there. In case you do.

Like a Blister in the Sun

I went to a free Violent Femme concert last Friday night. As someone who desperately wanted to see them live during her 16-year-old punk/alternative concert-going days, I was thrilled to get to see them now (finally) and for free! I was also surprised that half the girls in my program didn't know who they were. More proof that I am old.

I told my mom that I was at a Violent Femme concert via text message. When I got home I saw this email:

"Why were you at a violent concert? I hope you are okay. Be careful."

I called her later and, apparently, after sending the email, my dad explained that the Violent Femmes are a band. We all laughed about it.

Speaking of generations and age....

One of my patients today thought I was 23. Great, right? Well it turns out she was blind. Apparently my voice sounded young.

Some random pictures:

A B'more sunset from my apartment the other night.














Lanterns over the concert venue.


















Note: For those from other generations, this title comes from one of the most well-known Violent Femme songs. Even the young people know it. Not by title though. You have to sing it.

My BFF Joss

So it turns out that Joss Whedon (whom I worship) loves Battlestar Galactica (which I think is some of the best TV around...next to all of Joss' shows, of course). That means that Joss loves all the things I love. And THAT means that we could very possibly be best friends.

(I was going to link to the article where I got this information but it's best I not do that. You might all realize how much of a geek I truly am, and I fear you already know enough about that.)

Connection

Ah…the end of 7th week. I forgot how sweet life can get as you approach the end of a semester. It’s Saturday morning, and I have a big research project to work on. So naturally, I decided now would be a good time to catch up on the blog.

Baby, We Were Born to Run

The first bit of info to share…I’m running again! And more than just on the treadmill for exercise. I’m actually running outside! I found a running partner who is at a similar pace to me. She lives in my neighborhood, she’s in my nursing program and we always have great conversations. (Similar running paces + good conversations = GREAT running partner.) We’re running together on Saturday mornings and we’re trying to also get one run in together during the week. So far, so good. It feels great to running outside again, and to have running goals. And while it goes not feel great to wake up early on a Saturday, it is wonderful to be done exercising, showering, and ready to go with the rest of your “weekend to-do’s” by 9 AM. We are thinking about running a half marathon down the road. The Baltimore marathon (and half) is in October. Maybe at that time we’ll be ready. Much depends on if we keep up the running through our break, through the worst month of the year (heat/humidity-wise), and through the beginning of what may be a busier semester.

Friends, of the B-more Variety

Last week things came together for me regarding school, home, clinicals. This week things seem to have come together socially. I realized that I don’t click as well with some of the girls I hung out with at the beginning of the semester (the ones from school that I was going out with on weekends; the 21 year-olds who love sugary shots). They’re nice girls, and I have fun with them, but I realized we have different interests. And in the process I’ve become closer with some other girls that have more in common with me. It’s kind of strange shifting who you hang out with, especially in a school environment. Patterns like where you sit in class, who you eat lunch with, who you sit next to on the shuttle develop quickly. When there is a lot of change, these little routines become a key contributor to comfort, and following them gives a sense of belonging. All this can make disentangling a little difficult, and a little awkward.

So my “best friend in the program” is a girl I’ll call the model. She’s 22, from the east coast, and very smart. And, as the nickname suggests, she could be a model. I didn’t like her at first. She was quiet and aloof, and I erroneously interpreted that as standoff-ish and conceited. Because of classes and those patterns I mentioned above, we ended up getting to know each other better. I’ve come to discover that we actually have a lot in common when it comes to how we approach school, how we study and what we stress about. Last week she said I was her “best friend in the program.” It made me happy because I felt similarly. It’s nice to have a friend who gets it when you stress about an exam (because they are stressing too). But it also made me feel childish. Seven weeks in and there are already cliques, best friend alliances, and gossip. No matter how old we all are, a bunch of girls together in school will always have a touch of junior high to it.

Friends, of the So Cal Variety

Speaking of friends, HBo bought her ticket to come visit over Thanksgiving! I am SO very excited to share my whole life here with someone from home.

Moving away is the best test of friendship. Everyone says they’ll visit but in my experience, very few actually do. I’m not criticizing here. I get it--it’s hard to visit. It takes time and money and energy. So when someone does take the time, spend the money, use the energy, it means a lot to me. Nothing says “I value this friendship” like a visit does.

My Neighbor, R

On Wednesday morning I walked out of my building and saw a man crouched down in the middle of the street. A woman was near him, trying to help, and a car was in the intersection blocking traffic. We were told in one of our classes that as nurses, we have a legal obligation to help. We were also told that this applies to nursing students. There may be a legal component to helping, but there’s also an ethical one. I didn’t even have to think about it—I walked over to the man to see if there was anything I could do. His name is R, he is 80 years old and lives in my building. He had a numb leg and was trying to cross the street. A car was approaching quickly, so he tried to speed up. In the process he fell and badly hit his head and hand. When I got there he was bleeding badly and couldn’t get up. The woman who was helping him said that he wasn’t able to move. R insisted that he could--he just needed to take his time and regain his balance. It was strange…at that moment it’s like I slipped into another version of me. I asked some questions and told him I thought I could help. I also explained I was a nursing student. I grabbed him the way we learned in school (it’s called a geri-hold and it can give a lot of support). I told him to take his time. Slowly but surely, he did manage to stand up. I managed to avoid getting blood on my clothes.

I got him back to the apartment building where he could sit and wait for the ambulance someone had called. He was a little shaken and the blood was still dripping, but he was very grateful for the help. He said a couple of times that I was really strong (I’m not—it’s the geri hold!). I could tell from his expression that he was really scared. I could also tell that he completely trusted me and was looking to me for guidance. Once he was safe and sitting, I had to leave. I felt bad, but I had an exam to get to. I didn’t notice I had blood on my hands until a few minutes later.

The whole experience was very emotionally charged. There was definitely some adrenaline being pumped through my system, and while I felt a little shaken up from it, I mostly felt energized. It felt really good to help someone. Connecting with a stranger so quickly and so intensely over something this simple was strange. My memories of those minutes have become starkly clear and marked. Flashbulb memories, I believe.

I have thought about R a lot since Wednesday. In some ways he was my first real patient.

The Big Lightbulb

After a few bad weeks, things are really starting to fall into place. Life is starting to feel like life again. My days and my routine and my home and my friends HERE all feel "normal." This life, here in B-more, is starting to feel like my real life instead of some strange little temporary tangent. And that feels good.

Even school is getting better--beyond getting good grades. All the course work is starting to come together in a way that makes sense on a macro level. Last week was full of several little "a ha!" moments, and now the big light bulb in my head is officially on. It is shedding light on everything.

Don't get me wrong...this still isn't "home". There are things about California that I miss in visceral ways. Sometimes when I merge from one freeway to the next and I have an option to go "west" I really think about where that road could lead and what I would do if I just took it. All the way. It sounds silly (and a little like a Western, what with driving off into the sunset and all). I never come close to actually doing it, but I think about it. I think about picking up and driving home.

The funny thing is I don't know that I will move back to California. If things go as planned I am here for at least 4-5 years. And when I am done I don't know what I'm going to do. I kind of like it that way.

On top of the everything becoming more clear and more normal, last week was my best clinical. It was good and informative, but it was also kind of funny. So I'm going to share some of what happened with you. (Warning: Some of you might find this kind of gross.)

My patient was on a gastro feeding tube. The RN was showing me and another student how to reconnect the feeding tube and to make sure all previous liquid food had been digested (yum). She was demonstrating how when you open the cap, you should make sure to point the opening away from you and/or wear a mask. There are often pressure differentials and sometimes things will splash out of the stomach, through the tube and into the room. She was standing on one side of the bed. The other student and myself were across and on the other side. The RN pointed the tube away from her (as she suggested) so that when the tube opened, guess who got partially digested stomach fluid splashed on them? Yep, that's right. Me and my fellow student.

It wasn't a lot, and the timing of it all made it funny.

I have a really strong stomach and not much disgusts me, but I have to say...this kind of did.

Such is Life

This may have been the longest break I've ever taken between posts. It's been busy! When I have time to write (which isn't very often) I don't have the energy to be insightful, creative or communicative. Here are some quick updates:

• Next week is 6th week in a 10 week program. We're in the middle of mid-terms right now.
• Last weekend I drove to New Jersey to visit with KM, her new husband and RJ. It was a long and expensive drive (WTF is up with toll roads on the East Coast?!?!?! I spent $17 one way). I was grumpy on my drive up, as I didn't have the time to spend 6 hours on the road, but I am SO glad I went. It was really rejuvenating spending time with people who know you.
• I've been sort of depressed lately. Which is another reason I haven't written in here. I am not worried about how I feel. I think it makes sense: big life changes, constant stress, total immersion into a completely different way of thinking, etc. On top of that I am rethinking everything about the kind of nursing I want to go into, and that might mean going to a different school after this year. AND I have a horrible clinical instructor. So it's been a hard time lately.
• I don't miss home exactly, but I miss familiar people. It can be exhausting relying solely on new people for all your friend needs. And it just isn't the same...
• I spent 4th of July inner tubing on the Shenandoah River in West Virgina. It was lots of fun and FANTASTIC to be outside not studying.
• I met a nice/interesting/fun boy. I really had a good time with him, but nothing can come of it because he is leaving the area soon. Considering how I'm already feeling a lack of emotional connection to anything Baltimore-related, it kind of felt like a cruel cosmic joke: "Here's someone fun that you enjoy hanging out with....but now he's leaving. Ha, ha, ha!"
• And due to all of the above, I want a pet. I like dogs better then cats but my building doesn't allow dogs, so I have to get a cat. Problem is cats are expensive, so I decided to start babysitting. This solves many problems: it gives me a personal connection with something little to love (it's for one 19 month little boy), it gives me non-taxed cash, paid time to study (little boys need sleep), it is flexible--there is no set structure to when I will work and I can say yes/no depending on what's happening in school, AND the woman I'm sitting for works in the department at a hospital I may want to work at one day, so there are good networking opps. I start tonight!
• While B's are Beautiful , A's are always Awesome and I'm getting A's in 4 out of 5 classes right now.