Surprise!

Last night I checked my email and found that I had an interesting comment posted on this blog. In July, I wrote a post called "Perfectly Poised Under Pressure." It was prompted by an article I read a long time ago by a columnist named Adell Shay. And last night, she commented on my post! It was VERY inspiring. Here's what she said:

"Just found your blog and wanted to say hello and thank you. AND I wanted to tell you and remind me we only need to be who we are. That's enough. The rest is a lie.Take care and don't forget to breathe. Adell Shay "

Exciting and unexpected!

Photo of the Week (or should I say month?)

This was taken on Xmas eve. I found these dandelions on a walk I took with my dad to Starbucks. I've always liked dandelions because you can make wishes on them! So I stole them (if you can call taking a weed stealing...) and walked home. Fortunately, it was not a windy day.

Today

Today, I threw out the orchid I mentioned in my post from last week. It was officially dead.

Today, I noticed that the little tree-plant ("tropical foliage") is growing a new branch. Maybe it's finally getting used to it's new home. Maybe it needed to have some of the old leaves die off to make way for the new.

Today, I stopped being upset at TCN.

And today, TCN apologized for last weekend.

Life works in strange ways.

Salsa-holism

I have a problem. Seriously. I have an intense addiction to salsa. I cannot get enough of it. Well, I cannot get enough of good salsa, that is. Sometimes entire meals consist only of chips and salsa. And that's not because I don't have other food around, it's because I LOVE it so much and want to eat only that.

I think that this salsa addiction is perhaps more serious than last summer's sushi period. Last week I went to Trader Joes and bought two new salsas along with two favorites. I finished these four containers of salsa within a week.

Here are some of the reasons why I love salsa:

1) It is sooooo yummy.
2) It is fat free!
3) It is easy to prepare and you need no utensils. Or dishes, even.
4) It provides a serving of fruit (and sometimes veggies depending on what other stuff is in the salsa).
5) It is a fun and interactive meal--pick up a chip, dip it in some tomato-y-goodness, put it in your mouth and enjoy the satisfying crunchiness.
6) It is challenging--you can't drip on yourself and sometimes it's hard to fit a salsa-laden chip all the way in your mouth.

Of course, there is no need for real concern here. If this food addiction is like any of the others one's I've had, it will fizzle out soon.

Aruba....Jamaica....Oh I wanna take you...

The Private and I just booked a trip to the Bahamas for my spring break! We're going to Great Abaco Island, in the Abaco Cays. I can't wait.

This is what I'm going to do:

There are hundreds of little islands to explore all around it. There are shells to collect (i'm a big collector of shells) and there is scuba diving, and snorkeling and miles and miles of some of the best beaches in the Bahamas. This will be my last real vacation for a long, long time.

Updates for the New Year

This weekend things ended between TCN and I. On Friday he brought up the "what is this between us?" discussion (AKA the DTR). And I think I hurt his feelings when I said, "We both know this can never be anything serious." Because after I said that he got kind of mean. And on Saturday his "meanness" culminated with an "all of this has meant nothing to me emotionally." So that's that. We're in a stalemate.

I went to lunch with WBF the other day. We've not talked since mid October. The other day, when I had to focus real hard to remember why I was ignoring him, I thought maybe it was time to end the stupid silence. So I asked him to lunch. We went and it was like no time had passed. It was really fun catching up with him and being friends. I've missed him.

I've been going to TDG lots lately. I figured enough time had passed with the Barista and I not talking that now it was okay if I went back. He still always makes it a point to say hi and sometimes it seems like he tries to make sure he takes my order. I'm not sure why though, he's not all that nice to me. Last week I went into work early and he said "You're here early." I nodded and said "Yeah, I'm going in early today." To which he said, "THAT doesn't sound like you." I am pretty certain I heard a hint of scorn in his voice. Then today he took my order. I like strong espresso drinks and he used to make them extra strong for me. I never told him that they were too strong. So today when he took my order, I said "Don't make it extra strong, just normal." To which he said, "Why would I do that?" I just rolled my eyes. In my head.

I am tired of all this. Last night while I avoided going home I got my hair cut and dyed. Now it's shoulder length but the color is pretty much the same. I wanted a drastic change but no one seems to notice that my hair is now four inches shorter and sitting on my shoulders rather than down to my chest. Now I feel the need to do something more dramatic. Like a bolder color change or maybe another tattoo. In fact, I'm REALLY considering another tattoo. I want to get a Chinese symbol (maybe for strength or courage?) on the inside of my right wrist. I know that is all terribly cliché but it feels right somehow.

Let the Games Begin

Last night Spring Semester began. I was enrolled in Organic Chemistry but was wait-listed for Physiology. I was expecting some stress and maybe some disappointment regarding all that (in case I actually had to go through with the O Chem), but I was not excepting the night to be fun...

Upon arriving I was surprised to see a few familiar faces from last semester. I sat with them and in the end there were about 10 of us--which is quite a lot considering only 17 people completed the course. My lab partner, SS, was there and of course my favorite, the Russian Dancer. When the prof arrived and opened the lab we all sat together. And when she went over the waiting list, admitting a precious few, we cheered for each of our own. Literally. Yes we're nerds.

And so for the first half hour I sat listening in a state of semi-euphoria. I managed to get in to physio...with all my friends...it was going to be so much more fun and interesting than O chem...isn't life grand?

But this feeling of togetherness and friendly harmony didn't last long...

Before class started we all talked about our study habits from Anatomy. I told the Long-haired Latina (LHL) that my study method of choice is cramming. She was shocked by this because it doesn't work for her. So later when the physio prof give the standard "you-cannot-cram-here-and-succeed" speech, LHL turned around and looked at me with squinty laughing eyes. Her look was so pointed that I felt compelled to say something. So I said, "Cramming has ALWAYS worked for me." But with my eyes I really said, "I got the highest grade in class last semester--by cramming--and I will squash you again, little girl."

And with that the excitement, the stress and the competition of school hit me. I'm back in the game.

The Windy Sunday

Yesterday was really, really windy. I once heard in an environmental psychology class that some winds have an interesting impact on society. Certain winds, for example, seem to correlate with higher crime rates and increased feelings of unrest/dissatisfaction. My mom is a preschool teacher and she swears that she notices a difference in her kids on windy days. They seem more squirmy. Whether all this is true or just coincidence, wind is an odd element. It can be destructively strong and yet it is invisible. Maybe that's why I like it. It's mysterious and exciting, but cleansing. As though it's blowing away all the stuff that doesn't--and shouldn't--"stick" around.

So yesterday, while it was very windy, I felt unsettled. I'm not blaming the wind--there were many things that contributed to the way I felt yesterday. Some of it has to do with school starting this week. Some of it has to do with some general angst about the future finances. Some of it with sad dreams I had about my late dog. Maybe the wind had something to do with it, maybe it didn't. But I felt so unsettled that I wanted to do something I only do when I'm feeling very stressed or very confused. I wanted to play the piano.

Many of my friends might not know this about me, but the piano is (or has been) a big part of my life. I started taking lessons when I was 8 years old and continued until the end of high school. I competed in state competitions, participated in talent shows and played at school functions. I was in countless recitals. And I hated every minute of it until the end of Junior High. Prior to that, I fought my mother constantly about practicing (thirty minutes every day) and about my stupid lessons. But then something just clicked when I was 13. I liked it. Or rather, it just wasn't so bad anymore. As time went on I grew to love it and then to to rely on it as a sort of stress-relieving activity. When I did my year abroad in England I felt so attached to practicing that I snuck into the practice rooms set aside only for music majors. I just couldn't imagine NOT playing. Sometimes at night if I couldn't sleep, I would go into the student union and use their piano in the main hall. But that was only at night, and it was during those nights time that I realized I liked playing the piano best when I was alone. Maybe that was why I hated piano earlier in life--I always had to play for people.

Now that live without a piano of my own, alone time with one is so rare that I hardly play. But sometimes--without trying to sound dramatic--my fingers kind of ache for it. That was what happened yesterday evening. I didn't even care that my dad was home. I just wanted to play.

But then....I got home and my dad seemed kind of lonely (my mom was out of town). He had pizza and that look parents get when they want to feed their kids. He had the fireplace going in the family room and he was watching one of my favorite movies. I ended up not playing the piano but there was something nice about watching Serenity with my dad.

Today there is less wind. But I still want a quiet empty room with a big grand piano in it.

My Life, the Novel

I attribute too much meaning to things. All things. It's as though I'm in a literature class analyzing my unfolding life like it's a 5 act drama. It's a bad, silly habit that I do not take seriously. But on some level it makes me feel like there is meaning and structure to my role in this big wide world.

Of course, my life is much more mundane than the lives lived in great novels, and my literary approach to the circumstances I encounter never has me ponder things like "what might that guillotine symbolize?" or "does this ominous storm hovering over that dark and barren moor indicate great trouble ahead?"

Anyways, given this propensity, when I realized the other day that all my favorite plants are dying, I started to wonder....

Some of these plants have come to symbolize things to me. My little Ikea "tropical foliage," for example, was purchased immediately after the dumb ex dumped me. I am surprised I have been able to keep it alive for so long. I am more surprised that it continues to grow new branches. Each new leaf is somehow a tiny victory over being defeated by the dumb ex. And all the dumb exes for that matter. But now it's starting to die. It just doesn't seem to like our new apartment...

Another plant that is sort of important to me has less clear meaning but a more unique story. About a year and a half ago I was kicked out of my beautiful office to make way for a higher level (male) exec. He was nice enough to me, but he was fired before his probation period ended because of various intra-company personality conflicts. He had a beautiful orchid in his office that I always outwardly admired (in keeping with my semi-obsessesion), and as HR escorted him out on his last day he handed it to me with a gruff, "Here." I cared for this orchid since with fervor. And the orchid has grown lots! Until recently. After Christmas the biggest new stalk died. And on Monday the newest baby stalk died too. And today I realized with sad resignation that the whole thing seems to be dying.

The realist in me ponders potential causes like water and light. Maybe there was too much? Maybe too little? But the "literature student" in me can't help but think, "What does it all mean?" I KNOW of course that it is something related to the former. But maybe these plants dying symbolizes change ahead.

I am probably "reading" too much into this. But that is what I do. And it's a hell of a lot more fun then thinking "it needs more water."

Parking Enforcement....always giving back to the community

I got a parking ticket this morning. $40.The thing that sucks about it is that I only parked there because I was trying to be nice (an unrelated story). And the other thing that sucks about it is that I even made an effort to check the "no park" times. It was dark and late and I was tired, but I thought it said that you couldn't park there starting at 8am (which is how the streets are in front of our apartment). And since I planned on leaving before 8am I thought everything was cool beans. But this morning when I turned the corner, I saw my dewy car sitting there all alone with a little envelope tucked under it's window wiper. And I knew...

Turns out the sign actually said no parking between 4am and 8am.

Not a good way to start your day.

On a more positive note, here are my New Years Resolutions for 2006:

1) Read more
2) Exercise more
3) Eat less
4) Quit my job and begin pursuing a new career full time.
5) Incur huge debt (because of item 4) but survive anyways. And still manage to have a little fun.
6) Be more honest with myself and more brave about doing things outside my comfort zone.

In looking on the brighter side, at least this morning's incident is helping me with part of resolution #5. And since I fully realize that the ticket was completely due to my own late-night stupidity, I am on my way to achieving part of resolution #6. So thank you LB Parking enforcement! You've given me the gift of growth.

Holiday Highlights

Here are some of the highlights from my holiday season.

• I had a little Cabo-like Holiday Fling with someone we'll refer to as the Doctor.
• I went to Las Vegas for NYE where I got stuck in a mob. The mob had the following effects: we were separate from our friend DS, my ring was ripped from my finger, and BD and I had to rely on the help of random boys to scale a wall so that we could escape the mob. I have this vision of climbing, feet teetering on the edge of the wall, while I was probably showing all the world my drawers, and then looking down to see fresh blood splattered from those before us who failed to successfully transcend said wall.
• I drank my first 40!
• I saw many movies.
• I re-read one of my favorite books of all time (Fall on Your Knees), just because I needed a good book and re-reading one is a sure thing.
• I went to SF with my family where I realized with more certainty how much I hate the drive between LA and SF.
• I went to a big trade show in LV where I had my unofficial "Industry Finale" party! (just cause this will be my last trade show in this industry. Ever).
• I probably gained about 50 pounds from holiday food.
• Over the course of those 3 holiday weeks, I spent only 4 nights in my own bed.
• I got a bad cough and lost my voice. I like to think that I sounded sexy but maybe I just sounded sick....

I am THRILLED the holidays are over.