Updates for the New Year

This weekend things ended between TCN and I. On Friday he brought up the "what is this between us?" discussion (AKA the DTR). And I think I hurt his feelings when I said, "We both know this can never be anything serious." Because after I said that he got kind of mean. And on Saturday his "meanness" culminated with an "all of this has meant nothing to me emotionally." So that's that. We're in a stalemate.

I went to lunch with WBF the other day. We've not talked since mid October. The other day, when I had to focus real hard to remember why I was ignoring him, I thought maybe it was time to end the stupid silence. So I asked him to lunch. We went and it was like no time had passed. It was really fun catching up with him and being friends. I've missed him.

I've been going to TDG lots lately. I figured enough time had passed with the Barista and I not talking that now it was okay if I went back. He still always makes it a point to say hi and sometimes it seems like he tries to make sure he takes my order. I'm not sure why though, he's not all that nice to me. Last week I went into work early and he said "You're here early." I nodded and said "Yeah, I'm going in early today." To which he said, "THAT doesn't sound like you." I am pretty certain I heard a hint of scorn in his voice. Then today he took my order. I like strong espresso drinks and he used to make them extra strong for me. I never told him that they were too strong. So today when he took my order, I said "Don't make it extra strong, just normal." To which he said, "Why would I do that?" I just rolled my eyes. In my head.

I am tired of all this. Last night while I avoided going home I got my hair cut and dyed. Now it's shoulder length but the color is pretty much the same. I wanted a drastic change but no one seems to notice that my hair is now four inches shorter and sitting on my shoulders rather than down to my chest. Now I feel the need to do something more dramatic. Like a bolder color change or maybe another tattoo. In fact, I'm REALLY considering another tattoo. I want to get a Chinese symbol (maybe for strength or courage?) on the inside of my right wrist. I know that is all terribly cliché but it feels right somehow.