Questions People Shouldn't Ask
Last night, I was asked my least favorite question of all time. He said it in the nicest way possible by sticking in a complement: "You're really cute...you probably have no problem meeting guys, so why are you single?"
I really HATE that question. Here's why:
I feel like there are only three possible responses to this and none of them are good enough to warrant the asking. Someone is single because ....
a) They have some major obvious problem that makes them virtually undateable. An example of such "major obvious problem" would be things like being a rapist or schizophrenic. So people in these situations are probably very rarely asked, "Why are you single?" No one needs to ask. We all just know why, don't we?
b) They have some minor obscure problem that makes them a little undateable for some people some of the time. An example of such "minor obscure problem" would be things like chronic halitosis or an intense controlling personality. These problems are more common, but the bearer of said problems are often times oblivious to having them. So when asked, "why are you single?" most won't answer, "because I have really bad breath." They probably just don't know. And the person asking the question probably doesn't know either, or they wouldn't ask it.
c) They just have not met the right person yet. This option is the one I would like to think I fall under. And it is the option that I think most single people fall under. In fact, the other two options could really fall under this too.
So, if the answer to this question ALMOST always boils down to having not met the right person yet, then why do people ask?? If you are single just because you haven't met the right person yet, then being questioned as to "why" only makes you feel bad. It's sort of like asking someone "why is your hair brown?" There are reasons for the brown hair... and you could point out how genetics work and how the chromosomes your parents gave you combined in such a way that you now have brown hair. But no one asks this because it is stupid.
Sometimes people use an alternative but equally MEAN question: "Why aren't you dating anyone right now?" The possible responses to this are similar to the single question, but there is one extra component about it that really bugs me. This question implies that "dating" is merely a choice; that one day, you can wake up and decide: "now I am dating." And then you date and then you find true love and then you live happily ever after. But...
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Being "single" is not just an option you chose until you decide to "date." Singleness can be a decision and it can be enjoyable (I've been having a great time!) but the only way that you can consciously decide to stop "being single" and start "dating" is via something like Match.com. And that doesn't really count because it's like fast-food (large quickly prepared unhealthy quantities of low-quality stuff).
The next time someone asks me either question, I'm going to come up with a really great response to just throw them off. It will go something like this:
"So, ML, why are you single?"
"Because I really enjoy strings of meaningless one night stands with men who can't commit."
I think that would shut them up. At least for awhile.
I really HATE that question. Here's why:
I feel like there are only three possible responses to this and none of them are good enough to warrant the asking. Someone is single because ....
a) They have some major obvious problem that makes them virtually undateable. An example of such "major obvious problem" would be things like being a rapist or schizophrenic. So people in these situations are probably very rarely asked, "Why are you single?" No one needs to ask. We all just know why, don't we?
b) They have some minor obscure problem that makes them a little undateable for some people some of the time. An example of such "minor obscure problem" would be things like chronic halitosis or an intense controlling personality. These problems are more common, but the bearer of said problems are often times oblivious to having them. So when asked, "why are you single?" most won't answer, "because I have really bad breath." They probably just don't know. And the person asking the question probably doesn't know either, or they wouldn't ask it.
c) They just have not met the right person yet. This option is the one I would like to think I fall under. And it is the option that I think most single people fall under. In fact, the other two options could really fall under this too.
So, if the answer to this question ALMOST always boils down to having not met the right person yet, then why do people ask?? If you are single just because you haven't met the right person yet, then being questioned as to "why" only makes you feel bad. It's sort of like asking someone "why is your hair brown?" There are reasons for the brown hair... and you could point out how genetics work and how the chromosomes your parents gave you combined in such a way that you now have brown hair. But no one asks this because it is stupid.
Sometimes people use an alternative but equally MEAN question: "Why aren't you dating anyone right now?" The possible responses to this are similar to the single question, but there is one extra component about it that really bugs me. This question implies that "dating" is merely a choice; that one day, you can wake up and decide: "now I am dating." And then you date and then you find true love and then you live happily ever after. But...
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Being "single" is not just an option you chose until you decide to "date." Singleness can be a decision and it can be enjoyable (I've been having a great time!) but the only way that you can consciously decide to stop "being single" and start "dating" is via something like Match.com. And that doesn't really count because it's like fast-food (large quickly prepared unhealthy quantities of low-quality stuff).
The next time someone asks me either question, I'm going to come up with a really great response to just throw them off. It will go something like this:
"So, ML, why are you single?"
"Because I really enjoy strings of meaningless one night stands with men who can't commit."
I think that would shut them up. At least for awhile.
posted by Follow the Frog at 10:29 AM
7 Comments:
i feel the same way about the "why are you single question"!! it drives me CRAZY! The way it makes me feel, they might as well add "what's wrong with you" before they ask it. i love that response, i'll have to use it next time i'm asked.
You should use that line on your parents. (Though I'm sure, from what I think of them, they're too nice to ask that question.)
ch
you can use it on your grandma. :)
and least you have people asking you out and telling you're cute. i mean i know i'm cute, but it doesn't hurt to hear it. and i am in a relationship, but it's nice to knwo others find you attractive. hopefully all of this working out will lead to those comments.
anyone want tickets to the gun show? (that's for ka)
you are all taking it the wrong way. It IS a compliment, maybe the person saying it is using it as a way to "break" the ice. Sometimes one analizes comments too much. Try taking it at face value, a simple compliment.
TLC
mom...stop posting on here. comments are for friends only.
Amen, sista! I totally feel the same way too!! My answer when people ask me that question is "Because boys are stupid." And the person will agree with me every single time. But that doesn't make me feel any better because how can we prevent boys from BEING so stupid?
The world may never know...
alas...we cannot KQ. And there is our great tragedy. We can fix stupid boys.
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