Thursday, June 16, 2005

The 20-Something "Age-Swapping" Theory on Dating

I have a theory on dating (well, I actually have several). Here's my latest:

(Please note, I am speaking in huge generalities here. This is by no means standard of all people and is only a snapshot of the limited experiences I myself have had. Please also note that I am not ignoring the mid-20 group. For simplicity, I am merely dividing the 20's only in two parts--early and upper)

Early 20s


Guys:
-New to careers, financial freedom (if they have a career) and they want to "play" with what's available to them.
-Less interested in the "player-like" lifestyles of their college days, but not quite ready for commitment yet.
-Interests lie somewhere between one-night-stands and casual dating.
-The Right Girl is someone who is fun and confident, and up for hooking-up and hanging-out without the extra pressure of "where is this going?"

Girls:
-Most by now have had at least a minor heart-break, but said heart-break is not bad enough (or often enough) that bitterness has set in.
-New to careers, financial freedom (if they have a career) and they want to start having more real, grown-up relationships, different from what the guys in college could offer.
-Interests lie somewhere between casual dating and serious relationships.
-The Right Guy is someone who is mature, polished, and comfortable with the idea of dating getting more serious. One day.

Upper 20s

Guys:
-Used to working and being an adult. Less interested in "playing" and the novelty of financial freedom has long since worn-off.
-Less interested in the casual dating and one-night stands of their early 20's, but more ready for commitment if the right girl comes along.
-The Right Girl is casual, sweet, low-maintenance and NOT bitter.

Girls:
-Most by now have had a more significant heart-break, as well as several experiences with guys who disappear without warning (from all those early 20 year old guys).
-Expectations of guys and dating dip to all-time lows.
-Despite a lowering of expectations, there is not too much bitterness--just a causal acceptance that this is how it is.
-Enjoyment of "singleness" increases slightly; and confidence is up.
-Interested in more serious, committed relationships but are much more open to those little flings that go nowhere (because they come up more often).
-The Right Guy is whatever comes along next...It's all in the name of fun.

CONCLUSIONS:

1) If you look at what each group seeks, it is interesting to note that early 20 girls match best with Upper 20 guys; and early 20 guys match best with upper 20s girls.
2) This explains why I keep meeting 21-23 year olds even though I am almost (although not quite!) in my upper 20s.
3) It also explains where all the good upper 20 guys are: they're all taken by those shiny new young dewey-eyed 22 year olds!
4) The guys our age mistakenly define our confidence and "been around the block" type outlook as bitterness and go for the innocent ones.

THEREFORE, we are reduced to continue singleness (which isn't so bad, actually...) or have casual, meaningless nothings with sub-25s.

And so I am left with this question: will I ever date a real guy my age or older again? One that has been out of the womb long enough that he actually has to shave every day??

(My OLD ex--who's 37 now--doesn't count because we began dating when I was a shiny new young dewey-eyed 24 year old)

I wonder what happens in the 30's...

8 Comments:

Blogger ka said...

girl, you are SO right....your observations are generalizations (there are always exceptions), but they are right on. Do you think this is just a southern California phenomena? or is it more wide spread? And do you have theories on men in their 30s?

4:12 PM  
Blogger Follow the Frog said...

Strange huh? Yeah, I don't know if it's only So cal or what. And I have no clue on what happens after 30...

5:27 PM  
Blogger vitamin g said...

what happens in your 30s... you die. at least the cool hip, trendy part of you does. mom jeans anyone?

7:46 PM  
Blogger kq said...

G, the way you said that was so dramatic. Like, once you see the ring, you die. "Seven days." With my limited experience in this field, I'm not sure if it's just So Cal thing or not. All my friends back in Texas are already married and buying houses. So maybe it IS just a CA thing. Or Texans are just abnormal. That could be the case...

10:06 PM  
Blogger ka said...

wow...so i guess in a year and a half i'll die.....better start making out a will.

8:57 AM  
Blogger vitamin g said...

ka, you won't die, you'll just be coming to work in your 9 inch zipper jeans... no you and your man really can share clothes! :P

11:30 AM  
Blogger Y. said...

I think it's also important to note this only applies to a certain _type_ of guy. There have always been the ones who want to start a family immediately and are ready to admire you for life. Unfortunately, we're still not quite mature/ready for them yet! =) Maybe _that's_ what happens when you're thirty?

KA, if you're not dead by then, please fill us in. =)

11:35 AM  
Blogger vitamin g said...

so i realized that my reply made little to no sense, this is what happens when you are at work till 2am.

it should read, now you and you mom can really share clothes!

i think i went crazy for a couple minutes and made the post then.

yes, i blame the crazy.

hope you and the girls had fun tonight, wish i could have made it. hopefully next time!

11:17 PM  

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