Little Baby Marine Piggyback Rides and Other Adventures

Hello, and welcome to Stripe Week! I had a great but exhausting weekend. Here’s a recap on Friday night. It’s long and it may only be fun to the participants…so read with caution.

Per the TWF schedule, BD, KA and I went out in HB. It was going to be a low-key night because BD wasn’t feeling well, and because we wanted to have a bigger Saturday night. But that is not how the evening went at all…in fact, the evening was similar to the kinds of things that happened in Cabo. After our night we wrote notes on all the funny things that happened. This post is derived from those drunken, 4:30 am notes.

First off, BD wasn’t feeling well on Friday. Before we went she told me that she couldn’t have more than two drinks and that she cannot stay out past midnight. These were the rules and I was to help enforce them. I was up for the task. After all, I wanted BD to stay healthy and rested for our Saturday night activities, and I am good at remembering things when drunk. I told her I will definitely keep the rules under all circumstances UNLESS she changed her mind later...I felt that since these are her rules, she is allowed to break them or change her mind, but this change could not be administered casually by any means. In order to break them, she would have to do so with conviction. “Conviction” meant that she would have to face me straight on, place her hands on both my shoulders, look me in the eyes (acting as sober and serious as possible) and say: “I am no longer following the rules.” Only then could I permit a third drink and being out later. Of course, I knew she probably would break the rules…but that is why it was fun to implement this little amendment process.

The night began about an hour late (Taxi problems) and at TUG. We were approached early on by a nice, but awkward guy who meant well but tried too hard. He was called Orange Shirt Boy (OSB). BD told him she was “Nicole,” and that she was visiting from SF. He gave us some tips on what to visit in LA including the OC (all of it, in general), PV, and Hollywood. KA and I, AKA Michelle and Jenny, did our best to not talk to OSB and after ordering a second drink we all went deeper into TUG, leaving OSB behind. For more details on this particular encounter, please visit Little K’s blog.

From our new vantage point further in the bar, KA spied Grey Shirt Boy (GSB…yes, we’re clever with the nicknames). He was talking to a girl but she wanted to tell him she thought he was cute. So, on the way out of TUG, she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “I think you’re cute.” Then we made our exit.

GSB came running out after us and caught up with us in the alley. He was nice and sweet and flattered by KA’s comment. Oh, and he was also about 3 years old (okay, maybe more like 23 but you get the idea). We made plans with GSB to meet up on Wednesday at the PH (he’s never been). As we were walking away, I got a little sad because BD and KA hadn’t included me in the PH plans (I was a little drunk at this point…), so I said “Hey, what about me?” BD thought the only way to resolve this was to take my face and shake it a little and say, “Babydoll, get it under control!” This might not seem funny to you reading all this, but it was hilarious to us because 1) we were drunk, 2) it was not so long ago that I had to do an email version of the “get yourself under control” message to BD (to help her get out of a moment of stress regarding a dumb boy), AND 3) it was super unexpected. The shaking knocked some sense back into me and we carried on.

We proceeded to PMs where we paid $5 and waited in line to determine that it sort of sucks now. After a drink and a dance (and a long wait for the bathroom), we wanted to leave. And it was at this point where BD decided to break the rules. It was past midnight and we were two drinks in…and BD wanted more beyond the sanctioned 2. She proceeded with the official rule amendment process and I approved the changes. 2 drinks turned into 5 with a shot (details on that forthcoming) and midnight turned into 4:30am (details on that forthcoming).

Back to TUG…

Now, some history is in order. KA and BD are TUG regulars. They have known and crushed on the bartenders G and his little brother S (henceforth known as GLB) for a while. Earlier in the night, GLB served us drinks and we all sort of flirted with him. When we went back to TUG we tried to pick back up where we left off. He seemed interested and so did G, who kept checking us out in the background.

When we got back to TUG we wanted GLB to serve us again, but the bar was crowded on that side. So we went to the other side and tried to get his attention. I was the closest to the bar so it was my job to flag him down. I was going to just wave like a normal person but KA didn’t think that would work. She thought it best to wave more like a robot and actually took my arm and pumped it up and down. This was a marked improvement over BD’s earlier eager, wide-eyed smile and child-like wave upon first seeing GLB. In laughing about all the different waving styles, we managed to get his attention and he came down to see us.

Aside from ordering drinks, our master plan to get him talking to us was: “We have a bet about whether or not you have a tattoo.” It turns out he didn’t. KA said, “That was what I though!” and then somehow convinced GLB to do a shot with us. It was a red-snapper shot. Not sure what that is but it was red and good. After our shot and some intellectually stimulating tattoo discussions, we thought it best to leave the bar for a bit and went back to our positions further into the interior of TUG. BD and I met some boys playing darts. They wanted us to play too but were all way too serious about the dart game for our drunken attention. KA was talking with some guy called R for a while, so BD and I decided to go back to GLB. BD has a little crush on GLB so she was a little more nervous about chatting with him (I’ve been there too! The Rite-Aid incident comes to mind…). So I became the Y in this situation and took the lead. After the wittiest drunken banter, we managed to get GLB’s number and agreed to possibly meet up with GLB and G after they closed down. But they said this would take about an hour. SO…we had an hour or so to kill.

At this point, things became a little fuzzy. BD went to the bathroom, KA ran into an ex B employee, and I made it my mission to find something to keep us busy until GLB and G were ready. That something turned out to be a little bitty baby Marine named M. By “little bitty baby” I mean that he just turned 21. But he was nice and flattering and wanted to hang out. He wanted my number. You may ask yourself, WHY ever would I give my number to a brand-spanking shiny new 21 year old? The reasons: 1) officially, being out of the womb and all, he falls under “policy,” and 2) he manipulated me by saying, “I’ll list your number in my phone under the title ‘Cutest Girl’.” Who can pass that up? BD and KA were unsure about hanging out with him and his friends, but they were nice. Especially this one girl from Brazil. The baby marine then further impressed me by giving me the best piggyback ride ever (up a hill, down the street, with another girl on my back and then up two flights of stairs!). During this crazy piggyback period, I remember hearing BD in the background saying repeatedly, “He’s under policy! He’s under policy!” and then KA and BD thought it would be funny to intermittently hide the back of my thong (that stuck out while straddling the back of this baby marine) and then pulling it out further, snapping it, and laughing lots. It was all very fun.

We hung out with the marine and his friends (and their three teeny tiny dogs) for a while then caught a taxi and went to our post-HB bar Mecca, RCC. The fun continued as we ordered and ravenously consumed the following: a child’s order of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, an Oreo milkshake with a side of heavenly hot fudge, and Wings-n-Things-II with cheese on top of the fries (because it’s better that way). We made friends with a group of guys across from us by giving them our extra fries and then by making fun of them for drinking virgin OJ (what’s the point of OJ at 3am sans champagne or vodka?). I think they were into us but I personally had more fun making fun of them. They enjoyed watching BD give me that head-shaking “get yourself under control” move because they thought, as most gross drunk guys do, that that would lead to us making out or something. They were disappointed.

During our RCC visit, BD called GLB but he didn’t answer. We weren’t sad though because Wings n Things II were better than GLB with a side of G.

Then we went home to KA’s where we reflected on the night. At one point, KA was talking about how she wants to date a hot guy. It was 4am, we were drunk and we were very very giggly. So the conversation escalated to the point that we were shrieking with laugher and practically yelling to one another that “KA just needed to f*ck a hot man!” Then, out of nowhere, we heard a small knock on KA’s window...her neighbor and a father of small children said with a weary voice, “it’s 4:30 am…can you guys keep it down?” We felt horrible! We ruined the restful sleep of a neighboring family by discussing lewd acts! We shut the window and moved further into the house. The little baby marine called and BD pretended to be me. She told him what all guys want to hear: we were about to have a pillow fight in our underwear. He wanted to come over but we didn’t want him to. We finished off the night by taking notes on all these events (so we can remember them for our little black book). The whole night was so random and fun.

BTW, the little marine sent a “booty text” message to me late Saturday night and then called again on Sunday. He was nice but I wasn’t up for babysitting.