The Not Knowing

I think I am slightly allergic to beer. My nose becomes stuffy whenever I drink it. Last night on the date it happened again. I had two Coronas (one was a mini corona! It came free with the purchase of a regular sized one. It was so cute!) and right away I became congested. Which, you know, sounds sexy. After I finished the beers we sat around longer talking and within a half hour, the stuffy nose became unstuffy. It's so strange!

Last night CMB told me how he feels about me. Again. I think my date with B inspired the communication. He was jealous. But the last time we talked about "us" was almost three months ago and we know each other so much better now. So the conversation was different. Plus, it was over text message. And it turns out he was drunk at the time. Which means the quality of the communication was pretty high. The summary of our exchange? 1) We both wish we'd met a long time ago, and 2) Life is crazy.

I'm supposed to get a letter from UCSF if I get an interview. They're supposed to be sent mid-December. It is mid-December RIGHT NOW. I go slightly crazy every single day when I open up the mailbox. And then a sense of panic washes over me. And now I'm starting to wonder if they've already sent them out and I just didn't get one. I want to call and ask, but I'm too scared. It is rare for me to be paralyzed by fear. Fearing the truth more than the not-knowing has only happened a handful of times in my life. This is maybe the worse of those times.