Skirts...and some other Stuff

Yesterday's post was on the more serious side. So today I am going to focus on things more shallow. Like skirts.

It is officially skirt season. Due to the heat, I want to wear skirts every day. But I don't have nearly enough!

That's really all I have to say about that.

Now, something a bit less shallow...but it doesn't really count because it's more of a continuation of a previous post. I was talking with the General last night about German Boy . More specifically, about how much my brother does not like me liking the GB. In fact, this has been a topic of discussion with my mother too. We've not ever seen my little brother get his feathers all in a ruffle over something like this before.

Here is what baby brother told me:

"I wouldn’t put too much thought or consideration and definitely do not develop any kind of feelings for [GB]. He is an interesting character…he is a great friend, kind and totally trustworthy to his guy friends, but he is incapable of showing those traits toward females. I have seen him work his magic on many women and even though he is intelligent and fun to hang out with, he is still an asshole to females. I trust him, but I don’t trust him with women. Just a thought I wanted to share. So, don’t get too disappointed if he flakes or puts you off and don’t take it personally either, that’s just [GB]."

So last night the General asked how I felt about GB in light of my brother's opinion. Out of that discussion, here are some of the things I realized about the situation between GB and myself:

1) While I think it is sad he does not live here and that we can never pursue us, I am not really all that sad about any of it. I am not moping; I am not wallowing; I am not drowning my emotions by consuming large amounts of ice cream. In fact, I'm not really doing anything differently. And that is because I did something with GB that I've never done with another guy ever. I was honest with myself. I was completely honest in my head all the time about what this could and could not be.

You might think that's a strange thing...who is knowingly dishonest with them self? Well people lie to themselves all the time. They lie to themselves about their true motives, they lie to themselves about how they're really feeling, they lie to themselves about their behavior, what it means, and how it appears, etc. (this is why therapy is such a lucrative field). Maybe it's not lying so much as it is withholding all the truth. But whatever you want to call it, it's all part of the way we internally justify our behavior. I'm the queen of justificaiton. But no justification was done with this. This time, I was honest with myself. This thing was what it was, and I knew it, and I was okay with it, and I feel fine about all of it now. And that feels great. Three cheers for maturity!

2) I don't care about GB's past. I really don't. Normally, I would. It bothers me when other guys I like have "a past." And when I met him three years ago, his past bothered me then. But I just don’t care about that now. I like him despite it.

3) I would marry GB. I mean it. I would. I wouldn't marry him tomorrow, but I would get engaged to him tomorrow (if he asked and if it made sense). But alas, I know it does not make sense and that he will not ask.

(BTW I have only said that about one other person--the dumb ex--and I didn’t really mean it with him. I was blinded by stupidity and youthful exuberance.)

GB is gone. I’m ready for another! Bring it.