Maybe We Are Hard to Date

I was talking with the Private last week about guys (big surprise, I know). We were both complaining about recent situations and realized that while the specifics were different, we had similar concerns, fears and expectations. What was more interesting though, is that we knew all these worries were completely illogical and yet we STILL felt/thought them anyway. No amount of internal logic or reason could stamp them out. The only way we could sort of push them aside is by having someone else basically say, "You're being stupid and here's why."

This got me thinking....what other stupid things do women sometimes do when meeting and dating men? What behavior may come off as unclear to the unassuming guy? What silly illogical thoughts do women have that make guys view them as crazy??

Below is a list of some such things that my friends or myself have experienced with a crush/relationship/boyfriend (herein referred to as "the boy"). Remember, these are thoughts a girl has, that they KNOW are silly and/or illogical but still think them anyway.

Before I get to the list, a note. This post is not intended to insult men, rather it's pointing out how sometimes women DO act in ways that make it hard for men to figure us out. So I am essentially conceding JUST THIS ONCE to the opposition that yes, sometimes it IS indeed hard to date us.

But as a full member of the Girl Community, I will always stand firmly by the belief that men, in their simple, overt, uncomplicated ways, are infinitely more difficult to "get."

"I think I know the future, and therefore you should too."

Of course, we all KNOW no one knows the future. But sometimes I think based on my extensive knowledge of the world and people, that I can predict things. That being said, if I can figure out how things may go, then the boy should be able to also. And then he should act accordingly.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:
Boy decides to go on a last minute, unplanned trip.
Girl thinks, "That's dumb. It's going to be crowded and there may be no hotel rooms available that you can afford and it will be expensive."
Girls smiles and says, "Sounds like fun."
Boy goes on trip.
Boy comes back and is grumpy because the weekend was too expensive.
Girls thinks boy should have understood this before he went.

"Of course I don't have any expectations about where this is going...but I DO expect you to act the right way (and by "right way" I mean the way I would act)."

Most people agree that having few expectations is the best way to prevent disappointment. It's also more fair in a relationship environment to have none. After all, non-communicated expectations almost always become tests that one is bound to fail. But sometimes, us girls think we have no expectations when we really do. These expectations are often not as grand as guys thing--it's not like we expect to marry the boy or bear his children. They're usually more subtle and have to do with showing affection or communication in the right ways. Often times we don't even know we have them until the guy acts "wrong" and it pisses us off. Regardless of how big or small they are, they are expectations nonetheless and sometimes having them at all leads to funny situations.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:
Girl thinks boy should call her X number of times across period Y.
Boy doesn't call on that schedule.
When Boy does call, Girl is pissed.
Boy doesn't understand why.

"I also think it's great to be spontaneous, but let's get that dinner for next week scheduled now, 'cause I'm really busy."

Sure, it's great to be laid back...take things as they come, go with the flow, blah blah blah. That's all fun and good. But we're all busy people with full lives. If two people want to spend time together, sometimes they have to plan ahead. And because us girls can predict the future and do actually have some basic expectations, we sometimes get exasperated at too laid-back boys.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:
Boy says, "Let's hang out one day and do activity X."
Girl says "Sure, that sounds like fun."
Girl starts to figure out when she'll be free to do X (or when she can squeeze time in for it) and what she'll wear (so that she looks extra pretty!)
Boy doesn't think about these things.
Girl's week fills up with other stuff.
Activity X never happens.
Girl is annoyed at boy.
Boy doesn't understand why.

"Where is this all going?" (The dreaded DTR)

No one wants to ask this about a crush/date/relationship too early on. But let's face it...we think about it. We try to stop ourselves, but we think--at least--about where it COULD go. And there's really nothing wrong with that. We do have biological clocks and why waste time with someone that you know can never be what you want? But the problem is boys rarely ask or think about this. Ever. They don't like to. So they just don't. Period. This can drive us girls a little crazy sometimes.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:
Boy and girl meet.
Boy and girl like one another.
Boy and girl kiss.
Boy and girl spend a lot of friendly time together thereafter, but never kissing again.
This goes on for awhile.
Girl questions "What's going on??"
Boy doesn't.
Girl gets tired of this and gives up.
Boy notices change in girl and wonders what's wrong.

And finally, my ALL TIME FAVORITE...

"I know when you say X you mean X, but I think you actually mean X, Y and Z."

This is a particularly dangerous one as it can be applied to any type of communication (verbal or non-verbal). And since it's about jumping to conclusions, the danger is limitless. Relationships can fail solely because of this.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE:
Boy and Girl in new-ish relationship have plans to hang out with his group of friends
On the night of the event, Boy decides he doesn't feel like going.
Boy says, "I feel like staying in tonight because I'm tired."
Girl thinks, "He doesn't want to go out? Why?"
Girl questions boy, "Is it really because you're tired?"
Boy confirms. It's just fatigue.
Girl thinks that can't possibly be the sole reason...surely there's something else here....
Girl comes to the conclusion that he doesn't like her enough to incorporate her into his peer group.
Girl thinks, maybe the boy doesn't like her that much at all.
Later in an unrelated conversation about future plans, these concerns come out in a passive aggressive fit that makes 100% sense to the girl an 0% to the boy.