A Sad Little Dream
Last night I had a very vivid dream that I had just come out of a coma. I remember feeling so disoriented and confused. When I woke up from the coma I thought it was just a normal day. I was going to go to work and I felt happy and excited about all that lay before me--getting into Anatomy and future career moves, whatever is going on with WBF, my future trips (Palm Springs, Hawaii, Cancun), etc. But when I woke, things were different. I wasn't in my apartment. My mom and lots of my friends were there. They explained that I had been in a coma for 6 months or so. I felt really disoriented and kept thinking things like: I missed Hawaii/Cancun? I don't live in LB any more? I'm out of Anatomy and now off schedule for the career move? Nothing ever happened with WBF??
I was so sad about all of this...but it was more that I felt disoriented and left behind. Like life moved on without me and I was trying to catch up. I kept wanting things to go back to how they were, and I kept questioning everyone to make sure that they weren't just playing a joke on me. I turned to Y and said, "so you went to Hawaii without me?" (in my dream, Y was going to HI too). I could tell she felt bad but she just sort of shrugged and said, "I didn't know what to do....I wouldn't get my money back from the trip and I didn't know if/when you were going to be able to go again." WBF was there and I asked him something similar about what happened with us. He acted similar to Y, sort of shrugging and obviously feeling bad. He said "well, you were gone and I didn't know if you were going to come out of the coma, and now I'm dating someone." I asked CH about Cancun and it was similar. I asked the General about what happened to our apartment and she said she was forced to move, because I was in the hospital and no one was helping her pay rent....
My mom and everyone tried to console me but I just felt so lost and sad. I felt cheated out of everything. When I woke up for real, in this world, it took me a few minutes to realize the dream was just a dream. I lay in bed hitting snooze more than normal, sort of marinating in those sad left-over dream feelings.
Last night I watched Gia. It's about a big model in the 80's (played by Angelina Jolie) who gets into drugs and eventually dies, at the age of 26, of AIDS. I'm 26 (for 10 more days). I'm obviously not a model or a drug user, and I am not going to die of AIDS. But maybe realizing how lonely she felt during her life and taking notice of the fact that we are the same age somehow created a dream reality where I woke up in a world that moved on without me.
Oh well. It was just a dream. Back to reality....I have tons of Anatomy homework to go do.
I was so sad about all of this...but it was more that I felt disoriented and left behind. Like life moved on without me and I was trying to catch up. I kept wanting things to go back to how they were, and I kept questioning everyone to make sure that they weren't just playing a joke on me. I turned to Y and said, "so you went to Hawaii without me?" (in my dream, Y was going to HI too). I could tell she felt bad but she just sort of shrugged and said, "I didn't know what to do....I wouldn't get my money back from the trip and I didn't know if/when you were going to be able to go again." WBF was there and I asked him something similar about what happened with us. He acted similar to Y, sort of shrugging and obviously feeling bad. He said "well, you were gone and I didn't know if you were going to come out of the coma, and now I'm dating someone." I asked CH about Cancun and it was similar. I asked the General about what happened to our apartment and she said she was forced to move, because I was in the hospital and no one was helping her pay rent....
My mom and everyone tried to console me but I just felt so lost and sad. I felt cheated out of everything. When I woke up for real, in this world, it took me a few minutes to realize the dream was just a dream. I lay in bed hitting snooze more than normal, sort of marinating in those sad left-over dream feelings.
Last night I watched Gia. It's about a big model in the 80's (played by Angelina Jolie) who gets into drugs and eventually dies, at the age of 26, of AIDS. I'm 26 (for 10 more days). I'm obviously not a model or a drug user, and I am not going to die of AIDS. But maybe realizing how lonely she felt during her life and taking notice of the fact that we are the same age somehow created a dream reality where I woke up in a world that moved on without me.
Oh well. It was just a dream. Back to reality....I have tons of Anatomy homework to go do.
posted by Follow the Frog at 12:07 PM
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