If only he were different
So it feels like forever since I've posted anything on here! I feel like a very, very bad blog owner....but it's just that nothing really funny or inspiring happened for a couple of days, and I felt overwhelmed about finding something to share with all five of my readers. As the days wore on, I felt more guilty and more stressed about what to share. At some point it felt better to just ignore the blog entirely. But after spending some quality time with Y on Saturday night, I felt ready to face the blog again. You know, get back on the proverbial horse.
If I was inspired to post again on Saturday night, you may be wondering why it's taken me so long to actually get to posting. The delay, I'm afraid, is because of work and life. It just kept me too busy to get to this. So even though I'm back on the horse (I like to straddle things), I'm still faced with the question of what to say. Another significant part of the Saturday night Blog discussion with Y involved making a little list of witty topics we could each address online. Maybe it was because of all the cocktails we had, but we can only remember one such topic now: our respective roommates (and of course Y's "Tale of the Accidental Mullet," which she has already posted on).
Look at that! I've just written two paragraphs about not writing. I feel productive now.
So, I could write about my roommate and our relationship...but that seems like a daunting task. I could write about The DaVinci Code and how I think it's horribly written and contains way too much symbolism and metaphor...but even though I'm not quite done reading it, I'm so over it. I could write about how I am tired of marathon training and feel like a big wimp after my lame 11 miler on Saturday, or about how fat I feel today after this weekend's gluttonous behavior. But instead, I think I'll write about TT, a boy I briefly dated a few years ago.
I met TT through a friend and there has always been a sort of odd chemistry between us--one that draws me to him without any real reason, but one that is not right or strong enough to survive anything significant. The relationship was brief and infuriating, mainly because we both liked each other a lot but TT just didn't know what to do about that. That sounds sort of lame, right? Well, there's no double meaning there. I mean just that, he didn't know what to do. I never really understood this even after long conversations about it. But here's the gist of the problem: he has ADD, his heart had just been broken, he was broke (literally...no checking accounts and no credit cards. He would get his paycheck cashed at one of those paycheck cashing places), he lived with his over-protective sister and spent a lot of time with his over-protective mother (who I had the privilege of traveling to Mexico with once...it's a very odd story and worthy of another blog entry), and he was terribly unconfident because of all of this. So it never went anywhere because he couldn't decide how to act, and I couldn't deal with someone who couldn't decide anything.
The funny thing is that he still holds some "weight" with me. By "weight", I mean that he makes a bigger impact on me than others. He shakes me up more. I guess this is true with all exes...it's just strange that someone whom I no longer have feelings for and no longer think about can affect me more than other people. As time goes on he becomes a smaller part of me, and I forget more about why I liked him. But on days like today when I get an email from him out of the blue, all these feelings resurface and that same gravitational pull comes back. I am still feeling pulled towards him, and I don't get that. I feel illogically compelled to call him or write him and find out if his life is more together now. But what point would that serve?
I guess part of me has always thought this is a relationship that could have worked if he were different. And maybe that's why I still have a buried interest in it. But he's not going to be different, and so thinking about him and the possibilities of us are not worth my time. He may have caused the tiniest of the tiny earthquakes in my world today, but tomorrow I'll be balanced again. And a new "earth-mover" will come in and wreak a little havoc.
I need to stop with this earthquake metaphor STAT. I'm starting to write like Dan Brown! HELP!
If I was inspired to post again on Saturday night, you may be wondering why it's taken me so long to actually get to posting. The delay, I'm afraid, is because of work and life. It just kept me too busy to get to this. So even though I'm back on the horse (I like to straddle things), I'm still faced with the question of what to say. Another significant part of the Saturday night Blog discussion with Y involved making a little list of witty topics we could each address online. Maybe it was because of all the cocktails we had, but we can only remember one such topic now: our respective roommates (and of course Y's "Tale of the Accidental Mullet," which she has already posted on).
Look at that! I've just written two paragraphs about not writing. I feel productive now.
So, I could write about my roommate and our relationship...but that seems like a daunting task. I could write about The DaVinci Code and how I think it's horribly written and contains way too much symbolism and metaphor...but even though I'm not quite done reading it, I'm so over it. I could write about how I am tired of marathon training and feel like a big wimp after my lame 11 miler on Saturday, or about how fat I feel today after this weekend's gluttonous behavior. But instead, I think I'll write about TT, a boy I briefly dated a few years ago.
I met TT through a friend and there has always been a sort of odd chemistry between us--one that draws me to him without any real reason, but one that is not right or strong enough to survive anything significant. The relationship was brief and infuriating, mainly because we both liked each other a lot but TT just didn't know what to do about that. That sounds sort of lame, right? Well, there's no double meaning there. I mean just that, he didn't know what to do. I never really understood this even after long conversations about it. But here's the gist of the problem: he has ADD, his heart had just been broken, he was broke (literally...no checking accounts and no credit cards. He would get his paycheck cashed at one of those paycheck cashing places), he lived with his over-protective sister and spent a lot of time with his over-protective mother (who I had the privilege of traveling to Mexico with once...it's a very odd story and worthy of another blog entry), and he was terribly unconfident because of all of this. So it never went anywhere because he couldn't decide how to act, and I couldn't deal with someone who couldn't decide anything.
The funny thing is that he still holds some "weight" with me. By "weight", I mean that he makes a bigger impact on me than others. He shakes me up more. I guess this is true with all exes...it's just strange that someone whom I no longer have feelings for and no longer think about can affect me more than other people. As time goes on he becomes a smaller part of me, and I forget more about why I liked him. But on days like today when I get an email from him out of the blue, all these feelings resurface and that same gravitational pull comes back. I am still feeling pulled towards him, and I don't get that. I feel illogically compelled to call him or write him and find out if his life is more together now. But what point would that serve?
I guess part of me has always thought this is a relationship that could have worked if he were different. And maybe that's why I still have a buried interest in it. But he's not going to be different, and so thinking about him and the possibilities of us are not worth my time. He may have caused the tiniest of the tiny earthquakes in my world today, but tomorrow I'll be balanced again. And a new "earth-mover" will come in and wreak a little havoc.
I need to stop with this earthquake metaphor STAT. I'm starting to write like Dan Brown! HELP!
posted by Follow the Frog at 12:33 PM
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