He Said, She Said
My brother has been dating this girl, C, since he moved up to Nor Cal. He is my brother and I love him dearly, but he's 24 and at this stage in his life he is the kind of guy any girl who wants a relationship should avoid. But girls find him attractive and he can be a bit charming (and he REALLY likes women) so sometimes he gets into complicated situations.
I think part of the reason he can be charming is that he is not afraid to be sweet. He and I have always been close and he is close with my mother, so he knows the kinds of things that women like. He knows what will make a girl swoon. Here's an example. There was some girl he dated like once and it was near Valentine's day. He liked her a lot during that week, so he made a pan of brownies in a heart shaped pan and wrote "Happy Valentine's Day" on them in pink frosting. See what I mean? This was super sweet and something that would make any girl feel really special. But then, a week later, he was over her (he was 22 at the time).
Well, this week T (my bro) and C had a little DTR. He was shocked about the fact that she was thinking in those terms at all, so the conversation came as a surprise to his 24-year-old-boy brain. The conversation went okay, according to him, and it resulted in an unchanged status for the two of them. Well it turns out her birthday was this week and he was thinking about having flowers sent to her work--right after he told her he didn't want to date her exclusively.
Now in his mind, he thinks that sending flowers to her work seems like a perfect idea. It will make her happy and will let her know he's thinking about her. It's sweet and he's seen all kinds of women melt into sappy little piles of emotion upon receiving a bouquet sent from a sweetheart. So why wouldn't he send a bouquet, right?
Here's what guys do not know: Yes, women like flowers. Yes, women want that sort of attention from guys. But more importantly, women want the guy to understand and believe in the meaning BEHIND such things. Otherwise it just seems disingenuous.
The reason I feel this way can be seen in the following scenario:
Boy and girl are happy in new little relationship.
Boy does something very sweet for girl.
Girl interprets: "Gee, he must really like me."
Later, boy stops calling girl or breaks things off unexpectedly.
Girl thinks, "So I guess he didn't really like me" and calls into question what the whole little relationship/fling was and what his feelings were during all of it.
MORAL: Sweet things given for inappropriate reasons causes confusion.
ADVICE TO MEN: Give the right gifts at the right times. So, learn to read our minds.
I think part of the reason he can be charming is that he is not afraid to be sweet. He and I have always been close and he is close with my mother, so he knows the kinds of things that women like. He knows what will make a girl swoon. Here's an example. There was some girl he dated like once and it was near Valentine's day. He liked her a lot during that week, so he made a pan of brownies in a heart shaped pan and wrote "Happy Valentine's Day" on them in pink frosting. See what I mean? This was super sweet and something that would make any girl feel really special. But then, a week later, he was over her (he was 22 at the time).
Well, this week T (my bro) and C had a little DTR. He was shocked about the fact that she was thinking in those terms at all, so the conversation came as a surprise to his 24-year-old-boy brain. The conversation went okay, according to him, and it resulted in an unchanged status for the two of them. Well it turns out her birthday was this week and he was thinking about having flowers sent to her work--right after he told her he didn't want to date her exclusively.
Now in his mind, he thinks that sending flowers to her work seems like a perfect idea. It will make her happy and will let her know he's thinking about her. It's sweet and he's seen all kinds of women melt into sappy little piles of emotion upon receiving a bouquet sent from a sweetheart. So why wouldn't he send a bouquet, right?
Here's what guys do not know: Yes, women like flowers. Yes, women want that sort of attention from guys. But more importantly, women want the guy to understand and believe in the meaning BEHIND such things. Otherwise it just seems disingenuous.
The reason I feel this way can be seen in the following scenario:
Boy and girl are happy in new little relationship.
Boy does something very sweet for girl.
Girl interprets: "Gee, he must really like me."
Later, boy stops calling girl or breaks things off unexpectedly.
Girl thinks, "So I guess he didn't really like me" and calls into question what the whole little relationship/fling was and what his feelings were during all of it.
MORAL: Sweet things given for inappropriate reasons causes confusion.
ADVICE TO MEN: Give the right gifts at the right times. So, learn to read our minds.
posted by Follow the Frog at 11:01 AM
2 Comments:
Agreed: but girls like spontaneity (or so the movies tell us) -- so boy is spontaneous with flowers, but girl plays it off "cool" (even tho she mighta told her girlfriends how sweet boy is). So boy can't read girl, boy drinks beer, boy meets new girl.
good point...
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