Follow the Frog

Waiting

2008-11-21T13:06:00.001-08:00

I am so nervous.

My Heavy Heart

2008-11-12T06:26:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post again for days but am only getting around to it now. So i am writing this from my phone as I sit in yet another training meeting....I have much to share about SG. First, I just like him so much. We had a great weekend together. But i don't want to talk too much about how great he is and how much fun we have because it might all be ending soon. Circumstances beyond my control may mean a long and/or permanent break soon. And this makes me extremely sad. I'll know more in a couple of weeks but already two days have been difficult. It doesn't help that we live an hour away, that I'm working 60 hours this week, that we won't get to see eachother this weekend, and that I'm me and have over-thinking tendencies. I'll know more on Friday, 11/21. If the news is good, he'll be visting me the next day. If things are bad, I'm not sure if/when I'll see him again.
My heart feels heavy and I want to fast forward time.

Scottish Guy

2008-10-26T17:39:00.001-07:00

I am completely twitterpated with a boy we'll call Scottish Guy (SG). We met two weeks ago and had our second date last night.

That's all I can say because I don't want to jinx it.

There's nothing I don't like about him.

End of the Trust Fund Days

2008-10-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my first day working as a nurse. It's my first time working full time in awhile. The last time I worked in a real, full-time job, as part of my previous career, was the beginning of summer 2006. Though I didn't work last year, the program was "accelerated" and the hours made it feel like two full time jobs. But the past two months have been the opposite. Because the masters program isn't accelerated, for the past two months, my only regular obligations were class on Wednesday evening and Thursday evening. That's it. That meant every weekend was a five day weekend. Which meant I had so much free time that I got very little done. I read books, I became very nocturnal, and I "met" and fell in love with Edward Cullen. I occasionally worked out and I've been doing some dating. Which has actually been really fun.

The other day I went shopping with my friend AP. I was complaining about how I had to get up at 9 AM and his response was an exasperated, "It's cause you're living the life of a trust fund baby!" Sort of true, just minus the trust fund part. And that is the one thing that will be good about starting to work tomorrow. Money. For the first time, in a long while, I will be making money and not just borrowing it.

And so begins my career as a nurse. Keep your fingers crossed I don't kill anyone.

Life Recap

2008-10-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

So, it's been awhile. First I was just busy to write, then I felt guilty about not having written in so long. Then today, it just felt right. So here I am.

Some quick updates:
I graduated from the first part of my program
I went to Kenya
I took (and passed) the RN licensure exam
I turned 30 and celebrated it in Vegas
I spent almost 2 months reading, lounging and sleeping. It was sinful and luxurious and I am sad it has to stop.

I start working on Monday

I am not looking forward to being a grown up again

I am in the Masters program

I started writing creatively....we'll see what comes of that

AND, I am dating again. People, in general. Well men, specifically. We'll see what comes of that too....

Now that we're all caught up, maybe I'll be better about writing in here again.

Disorganization!

2008-04-01T17:40:00.001-07:00

My biggest pet peeve in the whole wide world: disorganization.

(But only when I'm working with disorganized people on something important. I don't care if you are personally disorganized. But if you are disorganized and we're working together, than I am VERY grumpy. This could be problematic as I move towards a healthcare career...)

Semester almost over....then I'll write about these craptastic past few months and the only two good things that happened during them: Guatemala and the visit from my mother.

Over and out.

Guatemala!

2008-02-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

I am SO excited! I am going to Guatemala for spring break. We're doing a family-homestay language immersion thing for the first part of the week and then we're going to the jungle to see the Mayan ruins at Tikal.

I'm thrilled that I have an international trip to look forward to, especially since I had planned on doing the international program through school but recently decided against it. (They did not have the kind of thing I was looking for and it was not worth the cost, given that.)

To help pay for this trip, I recently got a job as a Research Assistant working with infectious diseases. And I LOVE infectious diseases.

YAY for my job and YAY for my travel plans.

Laugh!

2008-02-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

If you don't laugh when you watch this, or at least smile, then you are a coldhearted unfeeling human being.

Cake Love

2008-02-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

I just learned about this and it's very exciting because officially, I'm pro-cupcake (and cake).

That Kind of Week

2008-02-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

It's that week....that week during the semester when you feel like there is no possible way to get everything done. The kind of week full of group projects resting entirely on your shoulders. The kind of week full of trying to forget someone you know you need to say good-bye to. The kind of week that you hope never happens again, though you know it probably will. Soon.

Yay, yay, school is fun.

If I survive, I get to go to NYC this weekend! It will be great but it also poses some challenges for the work looming ahead next week...but that is okay because I have my babysitting money all saved up, and I have a pretty shirt to wear. I am very easy to please.

My Baby Girl

2008-02-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

This week I spent two days working with a very sick baby girl. In fact, I called her “Baby Girl” the entire time I was with her so that will be her nickname here too. I can’t go in to too many details (because of the law), but I will say that she is pretty sick, but it is likely that she will be okay. Despite her medical conditions, she is alert, responsive, and adorable. She’s been in the hospital since she was born. Her parents are young, not married, big smokers and not very involved in her life. They didn’t see her the entire two days I was there. She craves contact from people and seems hungry for attention. I got her to smile for me and after awhile she seemed to recognize me (I was probably the only constant thing in her life for 48 hours). And because of all the above, I completely fell in love with her. The problem with this situation is that I’m too connected. I keep thinking about her (and crying) and wanting to go see her. But I can’t. She’s not my baby girl. All I can do is hope a good life for her.

She might be the first patient I’ve had that is really going to stick with me. I wonder if I’ll remember her forever.

Mitch Albom’s book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, is about the people you meet when you die, to help you process what your life was about. They aren’t necessarily the people you remember as important to you, or even people you remember at all. They are just 5 random people that influenced the shape of “you” in some way. I didn’t love the book or necessarily buy in to the concept, but it was an interesting idea that I’ve never forgotten.

If that is how life and death work, maybe, in some small way, I would be one of those people for this Baby Girl.

California-itis

2008-01-29T20:19:00.000-08:00

Each year, for the past few years, I have gotten bronchitis or a bronchitis-like respiratory illness in the fall. This past fall, not only did I not get one, but I didn't even get a cold. Which was amazing considering: a) my stress levels and irregular sleep patterns b) the amount of time I spend in hospitals around sick people, and c) that I now live in a much colder environment requiring bundling when you're outside and heat when you're in. When I was home for Christmas, I realized all this, and smugly gave myself a virtual pat on the back for being healthy.

By the time I got on my red-eye back to B'more, I had the first signs of a cough. And I blamed Southern California.

My cough ran its course and by early to mid-January it was gone for the most part.

But then...I got a bad cold. I thought maybe it was just an encore presentation of my Cali-induced winter cough. A little perk for going out dancing before I was actually ready for such activities. Whatever it was, it went away last week.

But then...I started coughing again. Last night, in fact.

I'd like to continue thinking that my theory still stands. That I don't get sick in MD and that this is merely a continuation of my So Cal Disease. But the half nurse in me knows that is probably not true. Maybe karma is giving me a little kick for wrongfully assuming that the life I lead here is healthy.

OH MY GOD

2008-01-27T13:20:00.001-08:00

Why do we do things that we know aren't good for us? Or, why do we choose to do things less good for us when we know there are better options??

Here are some examples of this in my life.

I KNOW I feel so good after I work out. And I'm generally good about doing so regularly, but I usually don't want to. And I often find reasons not to. Why???

I KNOW the kinds of guys I should avoid getting involved with. I know it so well I could write a book about it. And I think I give (or am capable of giving) pretty good advice to others about how to avoid these very guys. But sometimes I continue to make bad decisions. Why???

I KNOW I like to do well in school. And I know I hate to be up late the new night before an exam cramming. I plan to do a little bit of work each day. I spend many minutes figuring out the best way to organize my time most efficiently. Then I proceed to not follow my well-calculated plan and spend the night before the exam cramming. Why???

I used to think that you get smarter as you get older. And in many ways you do. You see, I am now smart enough to know that I do these things. I am smart enough to know that these behavioral patterns typically involve some sort of self-lie. Some sort of whispered non-truth along the lines of, "Working out tomorrow before school is better than doing it tonight," and "Maybe that 26 year old bartender really isn't just looking to get some." Yes, I am smart enough to know that this happens somewhere in my head at some point on that slippery slope. I am even aware of the psychology behind WHY I do some of these things. But I am still not smart enough to NOT do them.

When does that happen? When do you get smart enough to start acting smart all the time??

Last week I was walking with a friend and across the street a woman sitting at the bus stop spontaneously yelled out loud to no one in particular, "OH MY GOD!" It was exactly the kind of thing I feel like doing sometimes.

Song of the Moment

2008-01-16T14:56:00.000-08:00

Do you ever stumble across a song that describes your current mood perfectly? So perfectly that you just want to crawl up inside the song and be a part of it? Because nothing else gets you as much as that song does???

Yes, these are the thoughts of a burnt out student who would rather do anything but study...

Marketing Plug

2007-12-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

I think this is kind of the coolest new product I've seen in a long time. Someone gave me a pack of these as a gift and everyone I've given one to since really loves it. It's a great way of making a card, more than just a card. And helping the earth at the same time!

I used my last card today to thank my clinical instructor for his thorough guidance over the past 7 weeks.

Making someone smile AND helping save the world...I guess that's just how I roll these days. : )

DRUGS!

2007-12-07T21:13:00.001-08:00

This is a little taste of my how I spent my Friday night.

(Click on the link! It's funny!)

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...now that I am inside

2007-12-05T14:23:00.000-08:00

I had a hard final today and I’m behind in studying for my next two exams, but none of that matters because is it snowing. And that is a VERY big deal. Mainly because I’ve never lived in a place where it snows. And even though I’ve skied several times and traveled to snowy areas, I have very rarely spent a day in a place where it snows a lot. All day long. Until perfect puffy white piles lay nestled onto trees, ledges, and rooftops everywhere.

I always heard—from the people that know—that it doesn’t snow much in B’more. And when it does, it’s not for long, it doesn’t stick, and it doesn’t happen until Jan/Feb. So you can imagine my surprise when I noticed some flaky white things in the air as I drove to school today. And then my surprise when I got out of my final to see the world swept under a blanket of white. This, by the way, makes any city look beautiful. Between each class I ran up to the closest window (along with the other Cali kids) to see if the snow was still there. And each time, I could not help but point out to anyone who was near me that "It was snowing!" The kids from New England really loved that.

During the last few weeks I have been on a bit of a learning curve in terms of cold weather. I’ve learned that my warm jackets from California aren’t warm. And after realizing that the hard way, I’ve acquired a few real jackets and discovered things like “puffers” (wearable down comforters). So now I “know” how to do cold and I’ve got the right materials. When the weather station said there would be snow today, I thought to myself, “That’s probably not going to happen.” And then I smugly put on my leather riding boots and big puffer jacket knowing that snow or not, I’m totally down with the cold weather and can survive anything now that I am a seasoned resident of a wintry city. “Bring it on” I thought, as I left my apartment (where the thermostat is pretty much always above 75).

So I expected cold, but I did not expect to climb another steep section of my “Life in B’more” learning curve. When I walked back to my car after school I noticed that the pretty puffy white blanket I admired all day long also covered my car. Six hours of puffy white blanket, in fact. I almost passed my car ‘cause I did not recognize the shapeless white monstrosity it had become.

I saw other people wiping their cars off before driving with scraping thingies. So I thought maybe I should do the same. I put my stuff inside the car and discovered how heavy a trunk lid full of snow can be. When I finally propped it open, a bunch of snow fell in. Joy. Then, the only tool I could find to scrap my windows off with was a water bottle. The snow had not become icy so it actually worked quite well, but I didn’t have any gloves on. That was fine for a bit, but after five minutes outside shuffling snow off my car with a water bottle, I sorta lost feeling in my fingers.

More things I realized from the day’s adventures: windshield wipers aren’t just for rain; snow melts into water and then you become wet; wear gloves when handling large amounts of icy material outside; and, appreciate parking in an indoor garage.

After warming up and changing into better snow clothes, I went out to photograph the experience.

These are the rain boots the General got me for my b-day. They came in handy during my photo break!

These are snowflakes on my glove.

A Hippopotamus for Christmas

2007-11-28T17:04:00.001-08:00

I feel like I'm hibernating. Seriously, all I want to do is sleep and eat sweet potato soup (well, I'll anything that's warm and comforting and right now, that happens to be sweet potato soup). But since I cannot just eat and sleep, and since I have to motivate for finals, I am trying to make my apartment conducive to studying...

...so I decorated for Xmas. The heat is back on and it's nice and warm. And Christmas decorations need thermal PJ's and Christmas music, right?? So I'm not doing much studying. I am, however, being productive in other ways. I'm making a lot of sweet potato soup and working on all your Christmas gifts!!! So you should thank me for being a big fat lazy student.

Here are pictures of my decorations. They're not much but it works. The tree is a living Christmas tree. I am hoping that he brings some good ROI for future Christmases.

Since I'm listening to a lot of Christmas music, I'm learning the lyrics to many random Christmas songs. One of the songs the local Christmas radio station plays over and over again is called I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. It's so annoying and I used to dislike it, but now I find myself humming it throughout the day.

Check out these lyrics:

No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses/ I only like hippopotamuses

Mom says the hippo would eat me up but then/Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian

What is more fun than a Christmas hippo?

The Cold and the Crab

2007-11-14T13:45:00.001-08:00

It's cold. And they turned my heat off for the next 48 hours to fix something. I guess it's better they do this sort of thing now, before the 30/40 degree temperatures turn into 20 degree ones. All the real Marylanders would laugh to hear me complain, but I am a brand new one (been a resident for a day!) So as this California transplant sits here typing I am forced to rely on wearing fleece clothing and keeping a very old heating pad (circa 1970??? stolen from my momma) on my lap.

It's funny. The weather has become so much more a part of my life here. It's almost like a friend or neighbor. Every morning I wonder what it's got in store for the day. And every evening I wonder what the next few nights will be like. And it can vary so suddenly...it always keeps me on my toes. The thing is, I kind of like it. Sure, I don't like being too cold and I don't like when I make the wrong decision about what jacket to bring, sleeping with the window open, or forgetting my umbrella, but for the most part I kind of like it. Each season is an "event" now. It really makes the passing of time more interesting.

In Southern California, I only thought about the weather when we had some. Which wasn't very often. And, in my opinion, there were only three seasons that tended to blend together... clear/sunny/warm, hot/dry/Santa Ana's, and the days of "just-cold-enough-to-wear-that-new-scarf-as-long-as-the-only-thing-on-under-it-is-as-thick-as-a-t-shirt" cold.
Yeah. Right now, I am cold. But I like it. Soon my So Cal blood will thicken up. And then living here in the winter and sporting a drivers license with a CRAB* on it, will feel normal.

It's true...MD drivers licences do have crabs on them. Crab is a big deal here.

Duck, Duck, Goose

2007-11-11T09:23:00.000-08:00

It’s cold. And apparently, it’s going to get colder. It made me realize, more clearly, how my Southern California winter clothes just aren’t...well...real winter clothes. My jackets are cute, but they’re not all that warm. And they tend to be all more for a professional/work-oriented look. Some of my sweaters were bought several years ago, when I spent a lot more time in Chicago. With the ever popular low-rise pants trend, my sweaters have become more and more (unintentionally) cropped. Belly-button length. So that when you reach for something everyone sees your tummy. It’s very annoying.

So during this last week, when temps got down into the 30’s and 40’s, I bought some much needed sweaters and jackets. I love them all and can’t wait to wrap up in their warm goodness. One in particular is fabulous! It’s filled with down and goose feathers and it’s like wearing a (stylish) comforter when you walk around. The other day I was walking to the bus (in the dark, at 6 AM in 30 degree weather with an even colder wind-chill) and I couldn’t even feel the wind thanks to my beautiful new jacket. It occurred to me while I stood waiting for the bus with a sweaty back, that I totally get how the ducks do it. That is, how they survive the elements. With my new jacket, I too could become a duck.

Go Straight, Then Turn

2007-11-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm a bad blogger. I realize this. And I want to write SO much more right now, but I can't. So I will just say a few quick things.

1) My favorite 7-11 guy has moved away! We didn't get to say good-bye! I told the other 7-11 guy to tell my favorite one that I said hi (they're friends). But he pointed out that he didn't know how he'd be able to let him know that the message is from me. And he had a point: we don't know each other's names. All I really knew about him was that he was from India and he worked in the mornings. So, wherever you are Mr. 7-11 man, good-bye and thanks for all the cheerful chatter on those early morning coffee runs! You added something good to my initial B'more days. And I appreciate it.

2) Is it wrong not to go out with someone again because you feel like they are just way too unpolished (in the ways of the world) and would require too much "training?"

3) I HATE HATE HATE driving in Washington DC. I get lost EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It took me an hour just to get to the highway. Streets are all at strange angles, which messes with my normally pretty good internal compass. And the names just change suddenly. I got directions saying "continue on L street then turn right on New York." Simple, right? But then L street turned into something else before New York was an option. So that meant turning around on haphazardly angled one way streets. And that lead to coming across an entirely new area with no recognizable street names. Which meant another gas station visit for guidance along the lines of "Go straight and then turn" was warranted. The good news? I made it home.

Too bad the cheap commuter train doesn't work on the weekends.

Jacket Boy

2007-10-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have a crush on a boy. He's okay, but it's more a crush of desperation. There are only about 10 guys in my program and most of them are gay. And then there's this guy. I spend most of my Thursday and Friday days with him and usually I am exhausted. Long days together + fatigue-induced spacey-ness + a general lack of supply in the boy department = crush.

Today he loaned me his jacket because he noticed I was cold. I thought that warranted a blog post.

Back to work, back to work, back to work.

LOL Funny Ad

2007-10-04T18:58:00.001-07:00

I am not someone who literally laughs out loud all that often. It takes a certain kind of humor to make me do that. Joss Whedon has it. My friends CH, Y, and DJS have it. The Office has it. And...this commercial does too. I actually did LOL when I watched it.

Oscillating Realities

2007-10-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

Well I survived last week. KA came as planned and I had a fantastic time. I’m sort of in love with New England. The Berkshires (Northwest corner of Massachusetts) and southwestern Vermont are stunning. We were only there for a weekend but those two days were full of big puffy clouds, gorgeous rolling hills of fall-colored trees, and scattered picture perfect farms. KA and I drove around, exploring and stopping for things like apple picking and having a beer break while sitting on a lake. I know that New England gets a bad rap for winter weather, and I might love it less were I to experience one, but as of right now, I am ready to move up there.

It was also really wonderful to have someone from home visit. It was strange though… my life now is so drastically different from my life in Southern California. Sometimes it feels awkward to oscillate between them. I never got to really write it about this before but when I went home at the end of the summer, being back there made me feel like my life in Baltimore was just a dream. Like it didn’t really exist except for in my head, or like it was a book I read about someone else’s life. While it felt good to be back at home where everything felt naturally “right,” I didn’t like the fact that the life I had worked so hard to create in Baltimore just suddenly felt non-existent. I think it’s because at home, in LA, there is so little cross over to my reality here. And it made me sad…no one at home really knows anything about my life here. Sure, they know what I tell them and they see the pictures I share, but they have absolutely no part of it. And that’s isolating. Normal, but isolating.

I so dreaded coming back here at the end of my So Cal trip, but once I got back here, I was glad to be back and it felt good that it felt like home. This semester has been incredibly better than last semester. The classes are better, my rotations are better, everything is more in sync. But today I am missing home a bit and I’m sad I won’t be going home for thanksgiving.

Regardless of all this introspective nonsense, I had a fantastic time this weekend seeing a new part of the US and hanging out with KA, and I can’t wait for HBo to visit in November!

Coming later this week: some updated stories to share about my adventures in Labor and Delivery!

Such Great Heights

2007-09-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

This past weekend (and this week so far) has been like a week spent in School Hell. I know I've stressed in the past and complained about work, but this time...well, this time it was enough to send me into a panic attack type thing on Sunday evening. I was so immobilized by not knowing when to do it all that I had to call my mom and cry. Then I emailed a teacher and asked for an extension on one of my papers. Fortunately, two things happened:

1) After my panic attack, I got my a** in gear and proceeded to get a pretty high grade (comparatively) on a very hard pathophysiology exam where most of the questions were taken verbatim from over 200 pages of detailed, science-heavy textbook reading.

2) My professor decided to extend the deadline on the assignment I emailed about. Problem is, she extended it to Monday morning and I need to be done with it by Thursday evening. So the added cushion does me no good.

Thus...my panic and stress still lie at what has become a way too high baseline.

Good news?? KA comes to visit on Thursday (which is why I want to be done with everything by then). I can't wait for the weekend and I can't wait to relax and frolic in the fall Berkshire sunshine without having to worry about metabolic acidosis.

And now, back to studying.

Where has the Evening Gone?

2007-09-20T16:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed to a medium degree (like 5 or 6 on a scale of 10), I respond by doing something completely unnecessary. Something that is not even on my radar of what needs to be done. Tonight I had two exams to study for and two papers to write, so what I ended up doing was this:

I've been wanting to make a picture wall for a long, long time. During the past few months I've slowly been collecting the frames and prints I wanted to display (thanks, in part, to some nice birthday gift cards). So this project has been in the works for a long, slow while, but tonight was the night that the magic happened!

Ta da!

Now...back to pathophys.

(P.S. I know the pictures aren't lined up symetrically. That is on purpose. It's to add whimsy and artistic flare. And I know not all of the frames are exactly straight yet. That is not on purpose. I need to buy a little leveler thingy from Home Depot--a project for another semi-busy evening.)

Still Here...

2007-09-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still here...I just didn't want to write for awhile then I got too busy to write. I'm still too busy to write, but I have a big exam tomorrow so I am catching up on everyone else's blog.

I have tons of great posts I've been saving up in my head but alas this semester somehow seems to be busier then the last one. Well, not busier, but more difficult. Hence, it requires more study time. Yuck.

Back to parasympathomemtic drugs. Over and out.

Potter, Austen and Bourne

2007-08-20T16:57:00.000-07:00

I did nothing today except dwell in the lives of others. I read Harry Potter (finished re-reading book 6 and began book 7), saw Becoming Jane at the movies (Fantastic! I am still sad about it and I want to re-read all the Austen books), and watched The Bourne Supremacy on TV (to prep for my viewing of the 3rd film later this month).

I have to say, it was NICE.

Not that my life is awful or anything. It isn't. In fact, it's been pretty good lately. But since I am in the midst of my longest official summer break since I was in college, I felt like indulging. And today, indulging meant watching others experiences. While eating a rice crispy treat.

Oh, I also bought my crappy books for the next stupid semester. This is something I've been dreading and carefully putting it off until nearly the last minute. I am not ready for it all to begin again. No way.

Wait...I bought my school books this morning...maybe that is why I then chose to spend the rest of the day in worlds that are not my own. Maybe I am trying to ignore my dread about the stress and work that lies ahead. Something about "ignorance being blissful" and denial comes to mind, but I will think about that some other day. Now, I must get back to Mr. Potter.

Spain Photos: Part 2

2007-08-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

Here are a few more pictures from Spain (my April trip...I know, I know. This is very late. I blame life).

In case you are interested, Part 1 photos were posted here. I'll post some Maine ones when I'm done with Spain and the cross country trip.

A village in the Picos de Europa where we stopped for lunch.

Just something pretty we saw on the side of the road.

A village in the Picos de Europa

At/around our parador in Congas de Onis (the next three pictures).

A local cat chilling in the Northern Spain sunshine.

The Maine Event

2007-08-18T08:14:00.001-07:00

I got back from Maine late Thursday night, and I think it is one of my favorite places in the world. I had a fantastic time and I’ve been obsessed with thoughts of moving there since. Maine is all ocean air, blue skies, pine trees, wild flowers, seashells, butterflies, and lighthouses. There are countless quiet bays and peninsulas to explore. Wild blueberries grow everywhere, so the small back roads are lined with families selling just picked berries. I had one of the best scones of my life (blueberry) from a little coffee shop in town. The seafood, of course, is spectacular as well, and everyone I met was nice. Though I was traveling alone I never once felt lonely. Everywhere I went I met someone who wanted to chat about where I was from, where I was going, and what I had seen. I found the neighborhood I want my parents to retire to, and I found an island I’d like to live on.

Monhegan Island is a 90 minute boat-ride out to sea. It is a small fishing island/art colony with 200 summer and 60 year-round residents. There are no roads on the island and they’re very strict about bringing in things to modernize it. In the little port city, every home is also an artist studio, where paintings and photography and all kinds of crafts are displayed.

I took a hike through a forest out to the eastern-facing cliffs. At 160 feet high they are the highest anywhere on the coast of Maine. It was stunning. I ate lunch while sitting on these cliffs, then wandered my way down to a beach that was covered in seashells. I collected some then accidentally wandered into a field of wild flowers where huge butterflies were floating around on the ocean breezes. Then I hiked up to the lighthouse which had gorgeous views of the island, its port, and a small island across a little bay. Then I walked back into the city, bought some fresh pink lemonade and sat on an Adirondack chair overlooking it all. See? It was all kind of like heaven.

My hotel was a cute, small inn up the road from the harbor. Since I was traveling alone and didn’t have much money to spend on one of the countless gorgeous B&B’s, I stayed in something more modest. It was great though. My room was actually a little cottage with a private deck in back. The deck faced West onto a meadow. At night I sat outside while the sun set and read my book. When the sun went down there were fireflies all over the place. When I went to bed all I heard were crickets.

On my drive out of Maine, I bought some fresh blueberries, had some homemade blueberry ice cream from a little road-side stand run by a kind older woman. I drove through some of Maine’s southern beaches hitting up a few more lighthouses. When it was time to go, it was very hard to cross back in to Massachusetts.

I am itching to go through my photos and post some here. I hope to do so soon, maybe tonight or tomorrow.

My 7-11 Family

2007-08-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

There is a 7-11 in the base of my building. And if having a 7-11 right next door weren’t convenient enough, there’s even a private door that lets people from my building go directly into the 7-11 without going outside. I never went to 7-11’s before I lived here. Only because it was never a part of my routine. I think they were all around, but if I needed the kind of thing you can get at a 7-11, I usually got it at a Target or Rite Aid.

When I first moved in, my parents and I went to the 7-11 all the time. They had snacks and water bottles and sometimes, after long days of unpacking even got a quick and fatty dinner. My father also got coffee there in the morning. For a couple of days he talked about how good the coffee was, how there was so much to choose from, how it was cheap and there were even cheaper refills, etc. I classified this as annoying dad talk, nodded, smiled and kept my mind focused on finding a near-by Starbucks. See, I am a coffee snob. I love coffee, and I have very particular tastes about it. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it has to be “good.” The reason? Because good coffee is my reward. It is my reward for being up each morning and facing the day.

So when my dad said, “The coffee at 7-11 is really good,” I didn’t believe him.

The thing is….he was right. My 7-11 has about 12-15 coffees to choose from every day. They have all my favorites—French Roast, Colombian, Kona, Blue Mountain, etc. They have all kinds of different flavored creams, they offer Splenda (which is splendid!) and they even have different flavored syrups a la the more expensive coffee chains. Plus, it costs me $1.21 for a small cup of coffee, versus $1.75+ for an equivalent Americano experience. Thus, I have yet to go to a Starbucks in the Baltimore area. I’m not even really sure where they are…

In addition to the coffee, I have also come to rely on my 7-11 for the occasional supply of milk, exam-prep nutrition (in the form of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream), $2 sandwiches when I’m too lazy to make my own, water bottles for guests, chips and salsa when I am too desperate to wait for the suburban trek to Trader Joes, AND sometimes…the latest Life & Style magazine, solely for workout encouragement purposes.

All this is great, but I think the best part about my 7-11 is that I am now officially a regular. I know all the guys who work there. The one who works during the weekday mornings lets me cut the line to pay. Whenever I want. (He knows I’m in a hurry.) Sometimes the manager gives me free coffee or covers the balance of my $1.21 should I not have exact change. Sometimes they put the lid on my drink for me.

On Thursday night, post my final final, I wanted a treat. It was late-ish, it had been a long week and I had been watching TV on my couch. I had my glasses on and I was wearing sweats. My hair was back in a pony tail and surrounded by a halo of frizz due to the torrential rain that fell on my carefully flat-ironed hair earlier that afternoon. AND, I wasn’t wearing a bra. Of course, my big sweatshirt hid that fact, but you get the picture. I was focused on getting my sweet treat and getting out of there. I went over to the baked goods display and was eyeing a cookie when one of the workers I know come up and suggested I get a brownie. He was REALLY trying to talk me into it and even took one out to show me how good it was and “how happy it would make [me].” The other 7-11 guy then came up to tell me I had something in my hair. I tried to find and remove it but couldn’t. He kept trying to direct my hand to where it was. I ended up saying, “You know, it doesn’t matter. I’m just going back up stairs.” He didn’t care. It bothered him enough that he had to come over and remove it himself (it turned out to be a white feather from the throw pillow I had been lying on). Then I went to the counter to pay. The guy at the counter said, “Long time no see.” I laughed and said, “I was here yesterday!” He laughed along with me.

My parents got to know a lot of the people who work in the building and at the 7-11 before they left. My parents are generally friendly and sometimes overly chatty people. I often heard them say things like, “This is my daughter. She just moved here. We’re helping her move in then we’re going back to California. Take care of her for us after we leave!”

I think maybe the 7-11 people really took that to heart.

The Final Final

2007-08-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my final final. YIPPEE!!!!

In case you can't tell, I'm thrilled this semester is almost over.

To celebrate, I am having Spaghetti-O's for dinner. While some people do not like the S-O's, I genuinely love them. I blame my parents and their Pavlovian conditioning for my love of Mr Boyardee's culinary creations.

Last weekend I was in SF for KM's wedding. I crafted a little blog post while on the plane trying to study. Unfortunately, my S-O's are calling and I only have a 30 min break before I get back to learning about Stage 4 pressure ulcers. Thus, that post will be posted another day. Probably tomorrow after my school peeps and I have our end-of-the-semester mimosa brunch.

One more thing. Here is a quick shout out to VM a new member of our ever-so-cool blogging circle. VM and I went to high school together and we were roommates in college. She also knows the Wombat and the Napper. I'll add her link to this blog tomorrow.

To the North!

2007-07-31T17:54:00.000-07:00

I have exciting news. I have planned a trip to Maine! I have reservations at a little B&B/Inn in Boothbay! There are a couple of lighthouses to visit, much coastline to explore and a few islands near by to visit by boat. I am heading up on Monday the 13th. I have reservations for two nights in Boothbay but I want to try and get up closer to Maine on Monday evening (it's about a 9 hour drive from Baltimore). I may stay at a friend's in CT on that night, or I may just do a small Holiday Inn off of the highway sort of thing somewhere mid-way (if my friend isn't in town).

Since no one could really go with me, I decided to go alone. Actually, I probably could have found someone from school to go with, but I want to spend a lot of time exploring and taking pictures. I never feel 100% comfortable taking as many pictures as I want when I'm with someone else. I feel like it gets in the way of what they want to do. So I'm actually looking forward to seeing a place I've always wanted to, AND not feeling like I'm making anyone else bored.

Additionally, this semester has been a significant time for me. So much change and so much progress...my head is kind of reeling from it all. This trip sort of feels like a reward and a retreat. And even though it's going to be cheap (traveling solo means no nice meals out!), I am justifying it as a you-survived-your-first-semester-AND-you're-turning-29 gift. So happy birthday to me!

P.S. Thanks to Nikki of Frogblog for the original advice on Boothbay. Thanks Eva for confirmation that Boothbay is a good place to go.

P.S.S. BEFORE I can play with any photos I take for my Maine trip, I MUST finish going through my pix from Spain and from my cross country adventure. You are all my witnesses and you must hold me accountable for this. If I should fail in this goal you are all free to kick me in the shin.

Maine, anyone?

2007-07-27T12:50:00.001-07:00

Does anyone want to go explore the coast of Maine with me? I am off from school and on the east coast from August 10th through the 22nd. It's a 12 hour drive from Baltimore, so I was thinking of breaking that up with a stop over somewhere in between. I wasn't wanting to be gone more than 4-5 days, and the trip needs to be VERY cheap! I am considering even going back to my early travel days and hostel-ing it (if Hotwire doesn't provide a better option).

I know most of you are on the west coast and don't have tons of extra vacation time and vacation money lying around, but I thought I'd put it out there. In case you do.

Like a Blister in the Sun

2007-07-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

I went to a free Violent Femme concert last Friday night. As someone who desperately wanted to see them live during her 16-year-old punk/alternative concert-going days, I was thrilled to get to see them now (finally) and for free! I was also surprised that half the girls in my program didn't know who they were. More proof that I am old.

I told my mom that I was at a Violent Femme concert via text message. When I got home I saw this email:

"Why were you at a violent concert? I hope you are okay. Be careful."

I called her later and, apparently, after sending the email, my dad explained that the Violent Femmes are a band. We all laughed about it.

Speaking of generations and age....

One of my patients today thought I was 23. Great, right? Well it turns out she was blind. Apparently my voice sounded young.

Some random pictures:

A B'more sunset from my apartment the other night.

Lanterns over the concert venue.

Note: For those from other generations, this title comes from one of the most well-known Violent Femme songs. Even the young people know it. Not by title though. You have to sing it.

My BFF Joss

2007-07-22T18:30:00.000-07:00

So it turns out that Joss Whedon (whom I worship) loves Battlestar Galactica (which I think is some of the best TV around...next to all of Joss' shows, of course). That means that Joss loves all the things I love. And THAT means that we could very possibly be best friends.

(I was going to link to the article where I got this information but it's best I not do that. You might all realize how much of a geek I truly am, and I fear you already know enough about that.)

Connection

2007-07-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

Ah…the end of 7th week. I forgot how sweet life can get as you approach the end of a semester. It’s Saturday morning, and I have a big research project to work on. So naturally, I decided now would be a good time to catch up on the blog.

Baby, We Were Born to Run

The first bit of info to share…I’m running again! And more than just on the treadmill for exercise. I’m actually running outside! I found a running partner who is at a similar pace to me. She lives in my neighborhood, she’s in my nursing program and we always have great conversations. (Similar running paces + good conversations = GREAT running partner.) We’re running together on Saturday mornings and we’re trying to also get one run in together during the week. So far, so good. It feels great to running outside again, and to have running goals. And while it goes not feel great to wake up early on a Saturday, it is wonderful to be done exercising, showering, and ready to go with the rest of your “weekend to-do’s” by 9 AM. We are thinking about running a half marathon down the road. The Baltimore marathon (and half) is in October. Maybe at that time we’ll be ready. Much depends on if we keep up the running through our break, through the worst month of the year (heat/humidity-wise), and through the beginning of what may be a busier semester.

Friends, of the B-more Variety

Last week things came together for me regarding school, home, clinicals. This week things seem to have come together socially. I realized that I don’t click as well with some of the girls I hung out with at the beginning of the semester (the ones from school that I was going out with on weekends; the 21 year-olds who love sugary shots). They’re nice girls, and I have fun with them, but I realized we have different interests. And in the process I’ve become closer with some other girls that have more in common with me. It’s kind of strange shifting who you hang out with, especially in a school environment. Patterns like where you sit in class, who you eat lunch with, who you sit next to on the shuttle develop quickly. When there is a lot of change, these little routines become a key contributor to comfort, and following them gives a sense of belonging. All this can make disentangling a little difficult, and a little awkward.

So my “best friend in the program” is a girl I’ll call the model. She’s 22, from the east coast, and very smart. And, as the nickname suggests, she could be a model. I didn’t like her at first. She was quiet and aloof, and I erroneously interpreted that as standoff-ish and conceited. Because of classes and those patterns I mentioned above, we ended up getting to know each other better. I’ve come to discover that we actually have a lot in common when it comes to how we approach school, how we study and what we stress about. Last week she said I was her “best friend in the program.” It made me happy because I felt similarly. It’s nice to have a friend who gets it when you stress about an exam (because they are stressing too). But it also made me feel childish. Seven weeks in and there are already cliques, best friend alliances, and gossip. No matter how old we all are, a bunch of girls together in school will always have a touch of junior high to it.

Friends, of the So Cal Variety

Speaking of friends, HBo bought her ticket to come visit over Thanksgiving! I am SO very excited to share my whole life here with someone from home.

Moving away is the best test of friendship. Everyone says they’ll visit but in my experience, very few actually do. I’m not criticizing here. I get it--it’s hard to visit. It takes time and money and energy. So when someone does take the time, spend the money, use the energy, it means a lot to me. Nothing says “I value this friendship” like a visit does.

My Neighbor, R

On Wednesday morning I walked out of my building and saw a man crouched down in the middle of the street. A woman was near him, trying to help, and a car was in the intersection blocking traffic. We were told in one of our classes that as nurses, we have a legal obligation to help. We were also told that this applies to nursing students. There may be a legal component to helping, but there’s also an ethical one. I didn’t even have to think about it—I walked over to the man to see if there was anything I could do. His name is R, he is 80 years old and lives in my building. He had a numb leg and was trying to cross the street. A car was approaching quickly, so he tried to speed up. In the process he fell and badly hit his head and hand. When I got there he was bleeding badly and couldn’t get up. The woman who was helping him said that he wasn’t able to move. R insisted that he could--he just needed to take his time and regain his balance. It was strange…at that moment it’s like I slipped into another version of me. I asked some questions and told him I thought I could help. I also explained I was a nursing student. I grabbed him the way we learned in school (it’s called a geri-hold and it can give a lot of support). I told him to take his time. Slowly but surely, he did manage to stand up. I managed to avoid getting blood on my clothes.

I got him back to the apartment building where he could sit and wait for the ambulance someone had called. He was a little shaken and the blood was still dripping, but he was very grateful for the help. He said a couple of times that I was really strong (I’m not—it’s the geri hold!). I could tell from his expression that he was really scared. I could also tell that he completely trusted me and was looking to me for guidance. Once he was safe and sitting, I had to leave. I felt bad, but I had an exam to get to. I didn’t notice I had blood on my hands until a few minutes later.

The whole experience was very emotionally charged. There was definitely some adrenaline being pumped through my system, and while I felt a little shaken up from it, I mostly felt energized. It felt really good to help someone. Connecting with a stranger so quickly and so intensely over something this simple was strange. My memories of those minutes have become starkly clear and marked. Flashbulb memories, I believe.

I have thought about R a lot since Wednesday. In some ways he was my first real patient.

The Big Lightbulb

2007-07-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

After a few bad weeks, things are really starting to fall into place. Life is starting to feel like life again. My days and my routine and my home and my friends HERE all feel "normal." This life, here in B-more, is starting to feel like my real life instead of some strange little temporary tangent. And that feels good.

Even school is getting better--beyond getting good grades. All the course work is starting to come together in a way that makes sense on a macro level. Last week was full of several little "a ha!" moments, and now the big light bulb in my head is officially on. It is shedding light on everything.

Don't get me wrong...this still isn't "home". There are things about California that I miss in visceral ways. Sometimes when I merge from one freeway to the next and I have an option to go "west" I really think about where that road could lead and what I would do if I just took it. All the way. It sounds silly (and a little like a Western, what with driving off into the sunset and all). I never come close to actually doing it, but I think about it. I think about picking up and driving home.

The funny thing is I don't know that I will move back to California. If things go as planned I am here for at least 4-5 years. And when I am done I don't know what I'm going to do. I kind of like it that way.

On top of the everything becoming more clear and more normal, last week was my best clinical. It was good and informative, but it was also kind of funny. So I'm going to share some of what happened with you. (Warning: Some of you might find this kind of gross.)

My patient was on a gastro feeding tube. The RN was showing me and another student how to reconnect the feeding tube and to make sure all previous liquid food had been digested (yum). She was demonstrating how when you open the cap, you should make sure to point the opening away from you and/or wear a mask. There are often pressure differentials and sometimes things will splash out of the stomach, through the tube and into the room. She was standing on one side of the bed. The other student and myself were across and on the other side. The RN pointed the tube away from her (as she suggested) so that when the tube opened, guess who got partially digested stomach fluid splashed on them? Yep, that's right. Me and my fellow student.

It wasn't a lot, and the timing of it all made it funny.

I have a really strong stomach and not much disgusts me, but I have to say...this kind of did.

Such is Life

2007-07-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

This may have been the longest break I've ever taken between posts. It's been busy! When I have time to write (which isn't very often) I don't have the energy to be insightful, creative or communicative. Here are some quick updates:

Next week is 6th week in a 10 week program. We're in the middle of mid-terms right now.
Last weekend I drove to New Jersey to visit with KM, her new husband and RJ. It was a long and expensive drive (WTF is up with toll roads on the East Coast?!?!?! I spent $17 one way). I was grumpy on my drive up, as I didn't have the time to spend 6 hours on the road, but I am SO glad I went. It was really rejuvenating spending time with people who know you.
I've been sort of depressed lately. Which is another reason I haven't written in here. I am not worried about how I feel. I think it makes sense: big life changes, constant stress, total immersion into a completely different way of thinking, etc. On top of that I am rethinking everything about the kind of nursing I want to go into, and that might mean going to a different school after this year. AND I have a horrible clinical instructor. So it's been a hard time lately.
I don't miss home exactly, but I miss familiar people. It can be exhausting relying solely on new people for all your friend needs. And it just isn't the same...
I spent 4th of July inner tubing on the Shenandoah River in West Virgina. It was lots of fun and FANTASTIC to be outside not studying.
I met a nice/interesting/fun boy. I really had a good time with him, but nothing can come of it because he is leaving the area soon. Considering how I'm already feeling a lack of emotional connection to anything Baltimore-related, it kind of felt like a cruel cosmic joke: "Here's someone fun that you enjoy hanging out with....but now he's leaving. Ha, ha, ha!"
And due to all of the above, I want a pet. I like dogs better then cats but my building doesn't allow dogs, so I have to get a cat. Problem is cats are expensive, so I decided to start babysitting. This solves many problems: it gives me a personal connection with something little to love (it's for one 19 month little boy), it gives me non-taxed cash, paid time to study (little boys need sleep), it is flexible--there is no set structure to when I will work and I can say yes/no depending on what's happening in school, AND the woman I'm sitting for works in the department at a hospital I may want to work at one day, so there are good networking opps. I start tonight!
While B's are Beautiful , A's are always Awesome and I'm getting A's in 4 out of 5 classes right now.

Inspiration Corner

2007-06-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

During my year abroad in England, my BFF and I would gallivant all over Europe and put studying off until the absolute last minute. We called this period of intense studying, "Office Crunch Time," or OCT. We also would each select an inspirational photo to have with us at our computers as we sat working in the lab late each night. OCT and the photos were more about humor than anything else. We picked silly pictures to remind us of more lighthearted times, and we referred to OCT as though it were something serious and dreadful. Something we could look back on and celebrate surviving through. Like boot camp.

Well those days are long gone. As you already know I actually don't wait to the last minute to study any more and I don't treat this constant OCT time lightheartedly. I do, however, still like to have inspirational things around me while I work. Here is a photo of my current "Inspirational Corner."

In this corner you will find the following:

1) A Staples "That was easy!" button, from my mother. It gives me GREAT and very cheesy satisfaction to hit the button when I complete a large task. It feels even better than crossing things off a list. A-Type Personality, anyone???

2) Lego Man. A going away gift from my LA b*tches (KA and the Princepesa). He has come to replace Lego Lady. It's a long and silly story.

3) My Nurse Quacktitioner (from KA). She's just cute! When I'm a Nurse Practitioner one day, I hope to be just as cute. Maybe more in a non-duck kind of way though.

4) A key from my father. Functionally it works to open the club he gave me to keep my car safe. I keep it in Inspiration Corner to remember that he loves me. Sometimes I forget.

5) My Red Blood Cell stuffed animal from the Wombat. RBC's are my favorite cells and this is the cutest, cuddliest RBC that ever there was!

There are other inspirational things around my apartment too. I've got the beautiful elephant from HBo by my door, the glass globe KM gave me on the other side of my desk, the toy BP cuff and stethoscope from KQ and G in my living room, and Pierre-the-fish from The General on my bookshelf. Oh, and there's the plant the Evil Sith Lord gave me when he left! I almost killed it during the trek cross country. It froze overnight in the uHual while we passed through Arizona, but now it is growing new leaves!

In an unrelated topic...whenever I get the opportunity to hear what guys really think about girls/relationships, it makes me want to run away and hide from men forever. Men and women are so very different. I "get" why that is, but it always surprises me.

Beautiful B's

2007-06-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a good one. I did the usual (study all day every day) but I did manage to get out on Friday and Saturday night. Friday we went dancing at the local neighborhood bar. Saturday was a big Gay Pride parade. Sharpie, a non RN friend, had a rooftop party. The streets were blocked off, the air was full of live music, it was a hot summer night and I had a pretty dress on. I was THRILLED to be out and socializing.

So far this week has been more of the same. I'm actually feeling kind of down today. I had my first exam and I got a B. I know I should be happy, 'cause it's better than a C, but I'm not. It's one thing if I wasn't studying, but ALL I DO is study. The problem, I believe, is that I'm not quite in the groove yet when it comes to thinking like a nurse. And also, there's not a lot of black-and-white about medical things. Most of our questions are about patient situations and how we would respond. Based on the scientific facts, how I would respond might not necessarily be wrong, but then I have no real-world nursing experience and I don't necessarily think the way my professor does. And therein lies the problem.

I can study the facts until, well, forever. But that won't necessarily mean an A. And it won't necessarily mean a B either. But it also doesn't mean I won't pass my classes and become a great Nurse Practitioner. I have to become content with the idea that passing = good. B's aren't bad, they're beautiful. And if I keep saying that maybe I'll begin to believe it.

Excessive Excess

2007-06-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

I just saw a bit of a "My Super Sweet 16" episode on MTV. I've never liked this show. The way it promotes excess and superficial extravagance just can't be healthy. And even though it is a TV show and it only represents a small portion of reality, it makes me feel embarrassed about being American. Regardless, it was a good thing to have on in the background while I took five minutes to clean my room.

This episode was about a little prima donna who had a white-themed party. Everything was white and silver. Aesthetically speaking, it was quite lovely (I'm in to tasteful color-coordinated decoration). But then they did the "Daddy's Money" portion of the evening. There was a phone-booth sized stand where a fan blew money up into the air. People attending the party could go inside for a finite amount of time and grab what they could of "Daddy's Money." As the money-hungry 16 year-olds scrambled to get in and get some, "daddy" stood on the sidelines and beamed.

I couldn't watch any more after that.

Explanation to Follow

2007-06-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

The keys in the front door of my apartment are wrong. They are backwards. You have to turn the lock into the door jam to open it. And then the door sticks. Usually I try to unlock both locks and in the process relock them. Then when I finally do unlock them (for reals), the door sticks and makes me think I really didn’t unlock them in the first place. I try it again before I figure it out. Five minutes later the door finally is open. Monday was the first time that I opened both my locks without even thinking about it. I celebrated with…reading a chapter in one of my text books.

It is almost the end of the second week of school and some things (like how my door works!) are starting to click. I don’t have to think every minute about where I’m supposed to be and what I should be doing. My body has adjusted to appreciating six hours of sleep, satisfying adrenaline-induced hunger with what is cheap and backpack friendly, and feeling clear-headed only if I spend time with the treadmill.

Since living here I’ve eaten a lot of Indian take-out. It’s lasted longer than my normal food obsessions. I crave Indian food like it’s water. I can’t get enough of it. Which got me thinking…when I studied abroad in England I ate Indian food all the time. It filled the void that Mexican food occupied in my So Cal life. While I can still get Mexican food here in lovely B’more, I want Indian more. I wonder if my Indian cravings tap into some sort of conditioned you-are-away-from-home-but-will-survive neurological pathway from my time in the UK. Whatever the reason, I want it more than I can afford to buy it. So I’ve started to cook it myself! It’s not as good but it fills the need. For now.

So I’ve got my Indian food habits in place and my door unlocks with ease. It’s all coming together right? That’s how I felt on Monday. But then Tuesday hit and everything felt like it was falling apart. And by “everything” I really mean that school was hard that day. We had a crazy three hour lecture that left me staring at the prof--jaw dropped, eyes wide, peripheral blood vessels vasoconstricted (pale skin) all to non-verbally convey the expression: you’ve got to be kidding. The prof kept talking about things we didn’t understand and when we questioned it, her answer was, “I’ll explain later.”

Today was better then yesterday. We talked about how to give a male patient a bed bath. Someone asked what to do if the man gets “turned on.” We all laughed because every single one of us—girl and guy alike—wondered the same thing. We were instructed, in that situation, to act as though it weren’t a big deal, tell him something to the effect of, “It happens all the time,” and save any school-girl giggling until we’re safely in the lounge with our nurse friends.

When I left school the sky was dark. There was thunder, lighting and torrential rain. My friends and I missed the shuttle bus by seconds and got drenched. Cars drove by and splashed us with the puddles on the side of the road. We laughed through our shivering. All the laughter was good.

All the things that weren’t explained still haven’t been, but for the second time I was able to unlock my door with ease.

Today was better then yesterday. That is what matters.

Stupid Myspace

2007-06-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

Myspace is stupid because it gives you the opportunity to spy on all the guys in your past.

And honestly, for a variety of reasons, spying on past guys and their happy little lives never makes me feel good.

Further Explanation

2007-06-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

Regarding my financial whining from yesterday--I don't want to make it sound like I am actually starving. As most people who have had to pay for a new home or for school knows, moving into a life based on less income and a tighter budget is always challgening. Especially if you have been used to not worrying about these sorts of things. Since I am very type-A and tend to be a worrier, I also tend to panic pretty easily. That's all that was about. I know we all have had financial concerns at one point or another. I just happen to be at the peak of one right now.

Stomping My Feet

2007-06-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

Baltimorian's pronounce "Baltimore" without the 't' sound, so that the 't' sounds more like a soft 'd.' In fact, it sounds sort of like Voldemort (if the final 't' in Voldemort were silent). I wonder if anyone else has ever made that connection...or if it's just my crazy over-scienced brain making connections to a Harry Potter world as a form of escape.

So...I'm really poor. No--I'm really, REALLY poor. I'm thinking things like, "You don't really need to take the bus...walk and save the $3." Or, "Can I afford that small 7-11 drip coffee today?" I don't like it. Not one bit. I actually added Top Ramen to my shopping list the other day. But I can't afford to go grocery shopping until next week. Such is the life of a second-time college/grad student, I suppose.

JHU is very advanced, in terms of online devices. They're probably on par with every other large, private and over-funded higher educational institute in America. However, compared to the JC I did my pre-reqs at, JHU is very advanced. Most of the time, I appreciate that very much. But the other night I was having some trouble with new software related to all their super advanced IT-ness. I decided to take a break and do something relaxing, to step away from my brewing frustration. I wanted to update my iPod software. In the process, I somehow deleted half of the music library on my hard drive (over 25 GB). The music is still on my iPod, but you can't transfer music in that direction. Fortunately, I have back-up CD's with everything on it, but I lost all my play lists. It takes a lot of time to organize/add all that music back in! Wah, wah.

In response to all my techno-issues, I literally stomped my feet in frustration. School is making me revert to a less mature version of me.

Speaking of school...today was my 3rd day of classes, and I am (illegally) taking a minute to do non-school related things right now (writing this post). But it's only a few minutes...and I had some stuff to share.

There have been a couple of moments over the past week (usually in class or when I was at orientation) where I had a quick, intense, fleeting feeling of "What the hell am I doing?!?!"

I looked around at a room full of people I barely know, in a city that barely feels like home, in a field of study where everything is new to me and I feel constantly stupid 'cause I can't do the most basic of things, on a side of the country that is miles and miles away from everything that feels "right" to me. And I think, "What have I gotten myself in to?"

And then the instructor puts up a new power point slide. And I start furiously writing to keep up with her. And class ends, and I take the bus home to an apartment in the center of Balt...er...The-City-That-Won't-Be-Named* And then life goes on.

I do not doubt what I have done 99.99% of the time. But every now and then, when I'm not looking, that 0.01% creeps in.

*If you don't get this, you should read Harry Potter and possibly become more cool.

Color Me Oriented

2007-06-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

(Please note: Today's post is in the three parts.This is the third part. Scroll down to start with the first one, or click here.)

My orientation was last week. It was informative but overwhelming. There are 121 people in my program (7% men). I got to know some of the girls better and met some other nice people. Now I have the group of people I sit with and hang out with. They’re fun, and they all live in my ‘hood. They all live in the same complex, in fact, which makes visiting easy. On Friday night we went down to one of the girls apartments where we had margaritas and played games. I would have been happy to leave it at that, but these girls were set on going out. We did, and it was okay, but I really enjoyed the non-going out part best. I don’t know all these girls that well yet, but I know I will soon, and I’m glad to have that comfort that a group of friends brings.

Speaking of friends…I went to a birthday/house party with my journalist friends. It’s fun having two different groups, and I really like these journalists because they always know about the cool things going on, they’re closer to me in age and interest, and they’re just very interesting/fun/good people. We actually discussed this blog a bit and henceforth the girl I referred to as LK will now be called Fiz Fay. And one of the girls I went to Brew in the Zoo with will now be called Sharpie.

The rest of my weekend has been/will be spent working on school stuff. They gave us some prep work a couple of months ago, which I had almost finished when they announced that we had about 9 more chapters to prepare before Monday. But they didn’t tell us this until Friday!!! That gives us two days to finish our other work and read/prepare 9 more chapters. The funny thing is that they kept saying things like, “Enjoy your last free weekend” and “This is a light weekend. It’s gonna get worse.” Joy.

Here is a picture of all the books I had to buy. Keep in mind, these are only for this summer semester. That means these are 10 weeks worth of books. They cost about $600 in total.

As part of our orientation they gave an extensive presentation on time management and how to stay afloat during these 13 months. They said we need to be ruthless about prioritizing and cutting out non-necessary obligations. We have to learn to say “no.” I am HORRIBLE about saying no. But I do realize it is going to become an important step to maintaining my sanity. That being said, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up with the book club and with some of the photo editing I had in progress ( I have to finish my Spain pictures and edit/post my cross country ones). I’ll also have trouble talking on the phone as much and emailing/blogging as frequently. My apologies ahead of time if I become a bit MIA.

On that note, I must hit the books again. Have a good week and I hope to post more soon!

The Big City Frog

2007-06-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went out in to the suburbs to go to Target. The funny thing is I was REALLY excited about the trip. Not because I love Target and not because I get to shop (I literally have no extra money to spend at all). But because the trip meant I got to drive and I got to go to the suburbs!

Living in the middle of a big city has been interesting. I never thought I lived in a suburban environment before. While I did technically not live in LA proper, it didn’t feel like I was living in the suburbs. I was living in crowded areas and sometimes in places where parking is hard to find. There were people all around, businesses all around, freeways near-by. No, it wasn’t downtown LA but it wasn’t quite like Wisteria Lane either. But now that I live in the heart of B’more, I am discovering the differences. There are good and bad things about living in the middle of a city.

The Good
It is easy to walk everywhere
It is easy to grab a taxi when you don’t want to walk.
There are great restaurants, bars, boutique near-by.
Friends are just down the street.

The Bad
It gets tiring walking everywhere.
I don’t get to drive as much.
It’s hard to find parking when you do need to drive.
The comfort of chains and suburban America is far away.

Lately, it’s been over 90 degrees each day. The AC is hiked up inside every building. Regardless of the heat outside, I always get cold inside. But walking around everywhere, lugging your inside jacket and everything else you need for the day means you sweat a lot. I have a 5 block walk home every day. It’s up a slight hill and in the sun. By the time I get to my apartment I am usually very grumpy. Especially if I had to carry large, expensive, brand new, nursing text books on the journey.

Yesterday, as I was going to my car to drive to suburban Baltimore, I was excited. Excited that I got to drive. Excited that I got to experience the familiarity of the suburbs. Excited that I wouldn’t be driving in congested streets where pedestrians are always j-walking and the potholes are bigger then me. Excited that I got to be on the expressway. Excited that I got to park in a non-parallel spot in front of the store I want to go into.

Yes, I guess I’m more suburban than I thought. And that thought made me miss home.

TJ's, East Coast Style

2007-06-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday! I think it’s going to be difficult writing in here as much as I used to going forward, but I am going to try and commit to at least once a week.

Last Sunday I went to the local Trader Joes for the first time. The only TJs in the area is in the suburbs and due to MD law, they can’t sell wine. I used to buy most of my wine from TJs, so even before going I was prepared to have a different TJ’s experience. And there did turn out to be several other differences. As I walked up and down each aisle, I took a little mental inventory. It went like this: “Good, they carry my favorite salad dressing here,” “Oh no, where is the tomato gnocchi??” and “Wow…I’ve never seen this marinated tuna before.” In the end, this TJ carried most of the things I love. They even had a few new things that I tried since last Sunday and now love too. Which is a bonus. They do not, however, carry two HUGE staples of my So Cal existence. They don’t have my favorite frozen tomato gnocchi dish, and most importantly, THEY DON”T HAVE MY FAVORITE SALSA!!!! Yes, that’s right. The Roasted Tomatillo Salsa is not here in the east coast. And my second favorite salsa, The Medium Especial, isn’t there either. In fact they only had two or three fresh salsas available. I guess that should be expected—we’re much further from Mexico now--but still…a little piece of my heart chipped off and floated away as I noticed these items were not there. And as I noticed there was no space for them. And as I asked about them in panic to a near-by TJ’s employee. And as they confirmed they indeed do not carry such things.

To make the proverbial lemonade, I grabbed two of the three fresh salsas that were available and to my satisfaction, they were pretty good. Nothing STELLAR, but they will do. I even ate them in my normal pace and they were both gone within 36 hours. (I’ve gone back to my salsa-and-chip-as-a-meal pattern).

One of the other differences between this TJs and the ones back home: more seafood and seafood related items. I tried some lovely marinated ahi steaks. They were pretty good!

I also picked up some strawberries. I bought some strawberries the day before at the farmer’s market, but they were almost gone and strawberry season is almost over. Plus these strawberries were the largest I’d seen in a grocery store. Here’s one of them next to an apple. They were almost the same size.

The fact that they were so big made me wonder: are these organic or were they grown with hormones and other bad chemicals? I looked at the package and saw that these strawberries are actually from California. I had been kind of down that day, so when I noticed the strawberries were Californian, it made me sad. Also, they weren't organic. That made me sad too. I guess I had been blinded by their size. Size matters in the berry world.

Summer in the City

2007-05-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

The last week has been a whirlwind of new places, new people, and heat!

On Wednesday I went into DC to visit a friend. She couldn’t take the day off, but she arranged it so that I could get into her apartment earlier in the day, leave my car there, then Metro to the sights. I went to DC once when I was in 7th grade but hadn’t been back since. While I know not much of the city changed (by way of monuments, museums and sights), I have changed. And I am more into photography now. So I wanted to do “The Mall” again. RB, my DC friend, was so great and organized. She left me maps, a metro pass, detailed instructions on where to go and what to do. I didn't have to think at all, and I loved every minute of it. This is what greeted me when I entered her apartment. It was so detailed and thorough, I had to take a picture of it.

The day went well and everything went smoothly. I walked around the monuments for about 3 hours. Then it was too hot to do more. I found a Starbucks near the White House and cooled off for a bit with some iced coffee. After that, I met RB here for happy hour and dinner at the Sky Terrace. During the summer months they open the rooftop patio. There are stunning views of the city, the monuments and the White House. I think you can actually see the Oval Office too. The view looks like this:

Seeing everything in DC this time ended up being really different from before. Everything meant more. Maybe because I know/appreciate more about our history.

Thursday night was the happy hour I organized for the people in my program (via the accepted student online forum). I don’t know much about the “cool” bars in B’more, so I just picked this Irish Pub right on the water in the inner harbor. The bar was fun, there was a good turnout, and I really liked some of the girls right away. In fact, we made plans to get together again the next night.

This is the inner harbor, by the way.

Which brings me to Friday. On Friday I finished painting these for my bedroom:

I did do the painting freehand, but it wasn’t hard at all since it is a pretty simple design. And it was even less hard because I didn’t come up with the concept. I was "inspired" by this artist, courtesy of KA. Painting was fun--it was great to have a creative outlet--but I used a color that ended up being slightly too green. Which meant another trip to the store and another coat of paint. Of course that presented new challenges: Will the new color be right once it’s dry? Will the new color, even if it is right, look right on top of the old color?? In trying to cover the old green color and keep the edges smooth and sharp, I ended up taking more width away from everything. So it’s all kind of wrong. But in the end, I still kind of like them.

Later on Friday I met up with about 6 girls for a night of partying in Fell’s Point, a cobblestone-street, water-front neighborhood full of bars. We did a good job of hitting up lots of different places. Unfortunately, most of the girls were a year or two younger then me. They liked doing sweet shots. Lots of them. Of all different kinds of alcohol. And because it was my first night really out on the town I joined in. That was a good idea until the next morning. I wasn’t really hung over…but I wasn’t really right either. And if I didn’t have any plans I easily could have wasted the day away sitting on the couch. Instead, I rallied, as there were things to do and places to go! And…more beer to drink (woe was me).

RB came up on Saturday to visit this lovely little metropolis. She has never really seen it so we planned a couple of days full of B’more fun. We met up with some of my new friends at Brew in the Zoo, a fundraising, beer and wine tasting event at the Maryland Zoo. We thought it sounded fun...and so did everyone else. It took 1 hour and 45 min to get a parking spot and tickets. Right as we were buying our tickets, after we had been in line for an hour, they put out “Sold Out” signs. People in the line behind us were not happy. Inside the events were more long lines, but at least there was free stuff at the end of them. And at least there was shade and grass to sit under and on. I had been dying in line from the heat, and I was still a little not right from my partial hangover. Getting to sit down in the shade and eat a cheeseburger was the highlight of my afternoon.

Later that night we grabbed a fabulous seafood dinner on the inner harbor, then met up with a group of RB’s friends, and then with some people we met at Brew in the Zoo. It was tough being out again, but I connected with the Irish in me and pulled through. It helped that I drank much less and was home much earlier.

Today, RB and I went to the farmers market where I did most of my produce shopping for the week. Then we grabbed brunch at a great little place near moi. When RB left I decided it was time to hit up the pool! It was fun. Hot, but fun. I only lasted a couple of hours.

For the rest of the day, I am going to sit inside, in the air conditioning, on my couch. No new people, no alcohol, no fatty food, no talking (my voice is a little raspy from the two nights out).

Today is for resting because there is more summer to come. The summer calendar issue of the local city paper just came out. It has pages and pages of events, festivals, movies-in-the-park, etc. I was really overwhelmed. Next weekend is a Polish Festival. Later in the month there is a gay pride parade. There are art fairs to stroll through and rivers to inner tube down. Apparently there's a great Jamaican shindig hitting up a near-by park later in the summer. Tomorrow Hopkins plays Duke in the Lacrosse Finals. I might get talked into going to any and all of these things. But I won’t make any decisions about any of all that until later.

Observations

2007-05-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

So I keep putting off writing in here. It’s not that I don’t have the time—I have stuff going on but very little structure to my days. I could easily find time to write in here if I wanted to. It’s not that I don’t have the material. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I have TOO much I want to say. And I think maybe that might be the very problem. I have too much to say, and it makes me feel overwhelmed. And then this blog becomes a big chore. I think there’s just so much “new” in my life right now that it is exhausting to write about it. Sometimes, I don’t even want to talk about it. It’s too much work to have to re-tell the stuff worth telling. But maybe I’m just feeling all this because of all the changes my life has gone through recently. Everything around me is new and nothing is easy (because it’s all new). I think that is more exhausting than I think.

But now, in writing even the above paragraph, I’m in “writing mode” and feel like saying more. So here goes…

Here are some observations on life my in Baltimore so far:

The roads here are in the worse shape ever. There are bumps and potholes and ditches and dips everywhere. I am certain my car will need new shocks soon.
Steam comes out of the manholes here. I’ve never seen that before except as dramatic context in dark, thriller, murder-mystery films. I’m sure it has something to do with the inner workings of the city and perhaps temperature/humidity, but maybe Baltimore is full of mystery.
I saw a sign on a bus today that promoted marriage. Seriously. It said something to the effect of “Marriage is good and it costs less then being single.”
I have seen several signs talking about how “virgin” isn’t a bad word. I think it is good to teach young teens to abstain until they’re older (or smarter), but I think it’s funny that someone is spending a lot of money on billboards like this. This billboard, along with the “pro-marriage” one, makes me wonder what kinds of things the Maryland teens are up to these days…
Baltimore is not a very bike-friendly city. This CA girl will not be riding her beach cruiser on the streets of B’more any time soon. Fortunately, there are many parks and forests and shorefront places to ride. And since MD experiences a real winter, summer is like a constant party. Everyone wants to be outside doing stuff in the sun. It’s sweet.
The pool on the roof of my apartment opens this weekend. I was shocked to find that out because it never occurred to me that it would be closed. Sure, I didn’t expect people to use it in the winter, but the idea of closing a pool? Well…I guess those thoughts just make it obvious that I come from a warmer place. I still chuckle when I see signs in all the elevators announcing the big opening day. With the 85 degree weather and 60% humidity we’ve experienced since my arrival here, that pool should have opened already!
Having a whole apartment to oneself is interesting. Now I pretty much only use my room to sleep in. All other living is done elsewhere.

Here are some observations about other states from the cross country journey:

You know how our weather is sometimes broken into the temperature in the morning and at night? Sometimes we even have a mid-day high/low forecast? Well in Texas they break it down by meal. So the temperatures are given for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.
BBQ is a very important thing to many states. And each once claims that its BBQ is different (and better) than the other types out there. But you know what? It’s all kind of the same. It’s all about meat that is cooked in some kind of tomato-based sauce. It’s all good, but it’s not all that different.
The trucking community is one that I never wish to be a part of. It is, however, a good sub-culture to find a husband in. Not necessarily a good husband, but if you want a man, any trucking gas station off highway 40 is the place to go. Especially if they have a country buffet restaurant attached. You can eat some fried chicken and cheesy grits there, but then take the dessert to go.
New Orleans is very seedy. Or at least Bourbon Street is. It’s like a Frat Party mixed with Tijuana bars geared towards 18 years olds who only want to drink anything that is sweet, frozen, and blended. The rest of the French Quarter is lovely and full of charm. The area around the French Quarter is still riddled with Katrina-related devastation. That part was sad.

Okay…see? One little paragraph above led to all this. I was tricked into writing!!!!

Believing in the Underdog

2007-05-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

I survived the cross-country trip and am now settled in Baltimore. So far I really love the city! It’s got so much history and fun little neighborhoods to explore. Prior to coming here I got lots of comments along the lines of, “Despite what you hear about it, Baltimore is great!” and “I was surprised how much I really liked it.” All the comments were full of affection but qualified as though they expected their opinions to be challenged. Or as though one might not believe how great the city is. I think I’m going to love this place in the same way that I loved Long Beach. It’s sort of like the underdog. It’s got some rough patches, but the rough paired with the good makes it all the more lovable.

Plus, I’ve only seen good things so far. The weather has been nice. I’m in love with my neighborhood and apartment (my actual space and the building). There are cute boys who invite me to parties in the elevator. The Inner Harbor is stunning in the way that only big cities on water can be (a cross between Sydney and San Francisco, in my opinion). There are lots of Indian places that deliver. Nothing is far away. I already have friends within a two block radius of my place (thanks to Laura!). The pool is on the 20th floor and is open for use starting this weekend. There’s a big mall about a mile away with all the important stores in it. There’s lots of coastline and water front areas to explore. What more could a girl want?

Baltimore is sometimes shortened to B’more. “Be More.” I like that philosophy. There seems to be some sort of campaign going on around the city with signs that say “Believe” everywhere. Kind of like this:

Be More. Believe. This is my kind of place.

My parents left yesterday and I was really sad. I’d gotten used to being with them 24-7 and while that did drive me crazy at times, I felt sad without them initially. I think the problem with driving cross-country is that the distance is really felt. Flying for 6 hours from coast to coast is obviously the same distance, and sure, it’s a long day in the air. But when you travel all those miles by road…well….it just makes you feel that much further. You really get that you’re on one side of this great big country while everyone you love is way across on the other. I didn’t feel lonely, but I felt far, far away.

Last night I had dinner with my friend SC (from the year I lived in England) in Washington DC. It was great catching up with her but wow was it hard to drive out of that city! I got lost. It was dark. I was tired. I ended up taking the long way around only to stumble across a major traffic jam at 11:30 PM.

Today I went to the Baltimore Farmer’s Market with my new friend LK. I bought strawberries, asparagus and a rosemary plant. I avoided looking at the crepes, sausage sandwiches, and various pastries. But I knew they were there. Lurking in my periphery and calling me to feast.

After that, I went to a “Wine in the Woods” festival where they provided “ample tasting” for a small price. It was all green grass and big trees, sunshine and jazz, laughter and fair food, and lots and lots of Maryland vino. Did you know Maryland has many wineries? I did not. Some of it is really good. Although, after some ample tasting, what isn’t?

A 300 Page Paperback

2007-05-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

I've been in a book club for about 4.5 years now. It's been so much fun, and I've read so many great books I wouldn't have read otherwise. Some of those books, in fact, I would now call favorites,

Tonight was my last official (in-person) book club meeting. I'm going to try and keep it up from the left coast via Skype (an internet conferiencing program). Hopefully it will work out, but I fear finding the time to keep up with the reading will be tough.

I have sort of been acting as the historian of the book club. My official responsibilities meant keeping a list of all the books we've read. Miss J asked that I post it somewhere online, so here it is. It's quite a list, and it spans all kinds of different authors, generations, experiences. In a sense I feel like I've lived each of these books. Sharing them with the other book club members has only added to the experience, and I'm thankful for it all.

(I am too lazy to italicize and link each title. Sorry. Search for it manually on Amazon if you're interested. The list begins with the book most recently read and goes backwards. Some books were fantastic. Others, not so much. If you have questions about which ones we liked and didn't, email me.)

The Namesake, Jhumpa Lahiri
A Blessed Event, John Reynolds Page
The Memory Keepers Daughter, Kim Edwards
Lamb, Christopher Moore
Paint it Black, Janet Fitch
100 Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Devil in the White City, Erik Larsen
Shantaram, Gregory David Roberts
On Beauty, Zadie Smith
The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
The Dogs of Babel, Carolyn Parkhurst
The Magician's Nephew (Book 4, Chronicles of Narnia), C.S. Lewis
Identity, Milan Kundera
Scarlett Pimpernel, Baroness Orczy
Reading Lolita in Tehran, Azar Nafisi
The Known World, Edward P Jones
The Orchid Thief, Susan Orlean
The Instance of the Fingerpost, Iain Pears
The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger
Love Monkey, Kyle Smith
Unless, Carol Sheilds
The Confessions Max Tivoli, Andrew Sean Greer
Sula, Toni Morrison
A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway
The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom
The Things They Carried, Tim O'Connor
East of Eden, John Steinbeck
Bel Canto, Ann Patchett
The Curious Incident of the Dog at Midnight, Mark Haddon
Book of Illusions, Peter Auster
A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
When They Were Orphans, Kazuo Ishiguro
Five Quarters of the Orange, Joanne Harris
Auntie Mame, Patrick Dennis
Crimson Petal and the White, Michel Faber
The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen
The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides
Sister of My Heart, Chitra Divakaruni
Man and Boy, Tony Parsons

More Pictures from Spain

2007-05-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite pictures from Spain are now posted here.

I've only gone through about 1/3 of the photos so I'm sure more favorites will come.

When everything is done, I'll upload all of them to a Kodak Gallery to share.

Spain, the Finale

2007-05-02T17:52:00.000-07:00

So there you have it. The previous nine entries give the highlights of my trip to Northern Spain. There is more to tell, and maybe one day I will. Many of the other smaller details will unfold when I finally get around to putting up pictures. I hope to start that later today, actually. There are 1500 to go through so it is a daunting task.

I posted seven times today, and I realize that is a lot to read. Between you and me, it was a hell of a lot to write! My goal in talking about the Spain trip in installments hasn’t really been practical with my life recently. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and when I have had the time to sit and write, I haven’t had the mental energy to do so. Since coming back I’ve been sick twice, had a yard sale, moved out of my apartment, moved back into my parents house, went to San Francisco and ate out way too much.

[BTW, I’ve decided that leaving = fattening. But dinners and lunches are the perfect way to meet and say good-bye with friends. And since I’m often going to places I won’t be eating at for awhile, it provides the perfect justification for thoughts like this: “You won’t be here again for a long time…you definitely need to get that dessert.” “There isn’t a lot of (good) Mexican food on the east coast, you need that burrito!” ]

I won’t be able to blog regularly again for the next two weeks, so if you are one of the 3 people who read this blog, read a little at a time. Read it at work when you need a break! I tried to make it interesting and worth your while, and I’ve included pictures where possible.

I can’t believe I only have two full more days in So Cal. Before, I thought this week would be sad. Instead it all just feels a little surreal. I don’t really feel like I’m leaving. I feel like I’m just at my parent’s house for something like Christmas. I know that once I hit the road, the truth of it all my hit me as well. But until then, I’m going to keep eating Mexican food, reading in the sun, and sleeping in each day.

Sand and Snow

2007-05-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries part 9

During one of our days on the trip, we spent the morning exploring sunny beaches. We were dressed in tank tops, skirts, and sandals. After exploring the coast we headed inland to drive through a long, steep and winding gorge in the Picos de Europa National park. We planned to take a gondola ride up 6000’ to the top. What we didn’t plan on was snow. We were shocked to see snow at the base and even more surprised to see that the top was covered in thick white powder! We had jackets, but our bare feet were not prepared. It was funny...until my big toes started to lose feeling.

Museum Mondays and France

2007-05-02T17:31:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries part 8

When planning the trip, I forgot that many museums aren’t open on Monday. This included Bilboa’s Guggenheim. We definitely wanted to see the museum, but when we couldn't it was okay for three reasons: 1) The main attraction of this museum is the building itself, and while the inside was closed, the outside was there ready for us to see. It really is stunning and I’m so glad we went. 2) Because the museum was closed the town was so much easier to drive through and park in, and the area around the building was very empty. It made everything more enjoyable. 3) Because we weren’t going to the museum, we had time to do something else with our day. So instead, we went to France!

I have been to France several times and have always enjoyed it. But driving over the border on this trip for a quick, bonus visit made me realize how much I truly do love it. And, in a sense, I miss it. I love the language, I love the culture, I even love the Parisians. I was pleased about how much of the language I still remember, and how quickly my mind switches to saying things in French. (It was actually hard in Spain not to default to French during difficult communication times!)

So yeah, I loved being en France again. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, but the sun seemed to shine brighter on the French side of the border. I felt at home and I wanted to just keep driving in further.

I have heard people from all over the world rave about Spain. Many people I know talk about how fabulous the Spanish culture and lifestyle are. I get it. I really do. I like the small meals, the siesta schedules, the outlook on life, the colorful music. I feel even more strongly about all that after this past trip. But those couple of hours spent exploring the French coast and St Jean de Luz made me understand how much I adore France. The French culture resonates with me more.

Tastes Just Like....Pulvo

2007-05-02T17:29:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries part 7

Towards the end of the trip we decided to hop over to Portugal for dinner one night. The town was a sleepy one and without a guide book, suggestions from locals, or knowledge of the Portuguese language, it was challenging finding a place to eat. When we finally did we had no idea what was on the menu. We used KA’s Spanish and my French to figure out a few items, and ended up ordering a couple of pulvo dishes. “Chicken” in Spanish is pollo and it's poulet in French. Thus it could follow that “chicken” in Portuguese, another Latin-based romance language bordering the Mediterranean, might be something like pulvo. Well it turns out that pulvo actually meant octopus. Octopus covered in slimy purple skin and tentacles. One of the pulvo dishes was gross (according to KA, as I wouldn’t eat it). The other one wasn’t so bad (after KA told me it was safe to eat). Yes, that meal was definitely something of a dining adventure.

The Western Edge

2007-05-02T17:24:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries part 6

For most of my life I’ve lived on the west coast of the US. The year I lived in England, I was in the North West, about a half hour from the coast. My favorite place in Ireland is the coast around Galway, near the Cliffs of Moher. It happens to be on the western edge of the island. I adore Baja California (on the west) and loved exploring the Italian Rivera (also on the west). Prior to coming to Spain, I knew I had a weakness for the western edges of things. Our visit to Spain, and specifically Galicia, was another example of this. There’s something about the western edge of things that I like. It could be because of the whole “frontier” philosophy associated with this direction. Maybe some of the ideology that paired exploration and adventure with all things “west” is passed along in genetic memory, and exists somewhere in my psyche. But I don’t think that’s why. I think it has to do more with the sun. When I am on on east coasts, it seems wrong that the sky over the water is dark as the day ends. It feels better to bid the day adieu as bright orangey light sinks into water.

Whatever the reason, western edges are my favorite. Maybe that is why I loved the Galicia region of Spain best.

Maybe my opinion on East Coasts will change when I move to the MD at the end of the week!

Boo!

2007-05-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries part 5

I don’t know how I feel about ghosts, but we were in two distinct places on this trip that felt haunted. One night we stayed in a Medieval castle in a town that was still walled-in and cobblestone. The town was in the middle of the country and no cars could drive through the center (to protect the cobblestones). The whole thing felt like a flashback to middle age living. Our castle/hotel had thick stone walls, high open-beamed ceilings, large windows with big swinging wooden shutters, and creaky wooden floors. Our room was on the top floor at the end of a long hallway. The castle/hotel was quiet and the town was completely silent at night. Everything felt really empty. I couldn’t help but think about all the people, lives and events that had passed through those walls prior to us being there. I don’t know if ghosts were there per se, but the place felt haunted by history. And with the quiet isolation and the creaky wood, both KA and I were too afraid to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. It didn’t help that I was reading a book about vmpires in Europe at the time. I went to sleep after KA, and I was too afraid to turn off the TV. I watched the Spanish version of what I think was Dancing with the Stars until I felt distanced enough from any lingering haunting feelings.

A couple of days later, we took a steep, desolate, pin-turn winding drive up over a mountain to visit a small village. Santo Andres de Teixido is nestled into rugged, green cliffs on the north-west corner of the European continent. There was a church there that had been involved in pilgrimages for many years. Prior to that, it had been a Celtic village and our guide book told of some interesting traditions involving potions, an annual orgy and beliefs about reincarnation into reptiles. The place felt desolate, old and steeped in history. The old people who lived there gave us dirty looks as we drove in. The church was dark and empty, and it felt scary. So much that KA and I didn’t even want to walk in. We didn’t feel comfortable in the village in general, and we left as soon as we snapped a couple of pictures and figured out how to get out there (there was a little issue with the map...)

(This picture doesn't necessarily have to do with either of the haunted places, but it is a scary gargoyle.)

Tapas y Vino

2007-05-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries part 4

Spanish food, in general, seemed a little bland to me; bland in the sense that there wasn't a lot of seasoning and bland in the sense that it was a lot of the same thing all the time. They really love seafood and ham. I mean REALLY love it. They love ham so much, in fact, that there is a chain of stores called Museo de Jamon (Museum of Ham) where they sell various types of ham butcher-style, along with wine and beer to encourage good spirits and a jovial atmostphere while shopping. Everyone Museo de Jamon we passed was super crowded. By the end of the trip we were craving any other kind of food and inhaled burritos and Chinese during our layover on the way home.

The Spanish don’t really eat breakfast, as we know it. When they eat out they consume most of their meals in these café-bar concoctions that sell coffee, fresh squeezed OJ, liquor, beer, strange meat dishes, churros and the occasional sandwich from a bar. The Spanish eat small amounts all day and the “tapas” type meal is a very big part of the routine. It took awhile for KA and I to get into the pattern, to know what to order, when to order it, and where to get it. In the end we got our Spanish food-groove on and had our favorite dishes. For breakfast we ordered tostas (toast), zumo de naranja natural (fresh OJ) and café con leche (the nectar of the gods, in my opinion). For lunch we’d usually get bocadillos (sandwiches) or tortillas.

[Spainish tortillas are round, thick potato omelet things that are sliced into quiche-sized pieces. When we order we’d say, “Dos tortillas, por favor.” Then the server would look at us blankly. So we would say “tortillas” again, emphasizing a more Spanish style accent. And finally they would get what we were saying, and say “Ah…..tor-TIL-las!” We never thought we said it much differently than they did, but what do we know?]

Dinner was usually more adventurous but generally more of the same kind of thing (ham, seafood, tapas). One night I ordered vegetarian pasta at a touristy restaurant. The menu and the waiter confirmed that the dish had “no carne!” I ended up with a bowl of penne and shrimp floating in salt water. Yum.

Another thing to add about the Spanish dining experience: Tapas bars were kind of intimidating. People generally stand around near the bar, yelling what they want and throwing their trash on the floor. It’s hard to get space and hard to get attention from the servers. When you do get their attention, it’s scary to try and order something correctly with the limited time they give you. We were better about them in the end, but it took several days before we were brave enough to go in there and order with some authority.

While we got a bit tired of the some Spanish food, there are some really good things about their cuisine and the way they eat. I already mentioned we like tortillas. The café con leches are fantastic (the best one ever was in Bilbao). The availability of fresh OJ EVERYWHERE is something I could get used to. Seriously—every bar/café thing had a juicer and a big bowl of oranges next to it. They squeezed it when you ordered, and I made sure to drink the zumo every day. The arroz con leche (rice pudding) was great when we could find it. Same thing with paella. We went to a restaurant known for its paella on the last night and it was fantastic. I really liked the idea of eating small meals throughout the day. It’s good for the metabolism and it meant I rarely felt stuffed the way I do after an American meal out.

Another great thing about Spanish dining and food? The vino. Spanish wine is fan-freakin’-tastic. I never had a bad glass, even when it was just the house vino tinto (red wine). We tasted and bought a few bottles from an adorably passionate Galician man. He kept stumbling on his English and apologizing with the kind of drama I typically attribute to Italians. Spain is the third largest exporter of wine in the world, and according to the passionate Galician wine seller, Spanish wine is sold mature and ready to drink. Unlike French wine it doesn’t necessarily need to be stored prior to drinking. Others have since contested this idea saying that storage times depend on the bottle and grape, but I like the idea of it being ready for consumption right away. It seems appropriate, culturally, that Spanish wine is ready immediately while French wine needs to sit and wait awhile.

Baile, Baile!

2007-05-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

Spain, the Miniseries, part 3

We went out only a few nights during the trip. Most nights we were either too tired or were in towns too small for a night scene. When we did go out, we had fun meeting some of the locals and hearing some of the music. The Spanish really seem to love to dance. When a good song came on, the whole bar would move with it. Like most European countries they play a wide variety of their own music and those of other places including songs from the US. We heard a lot of Shania Twain, Avril Lavigne and Mika’s Grace Kelly. We discovered a Spanish Pop song we loved (Siete Horas, by Bebe) and even tried to find out who sang it. That meant singing the few lines we knew to a couple of different bewildered music store clerks. We met an adorable drunk Spanish girl one night who went up to us in the taxi queue and said, “Chicas! Te ke te ke te ke te ke!” When I yelled back to her, “Baile, baile!” she started to dance, and then I started to dance. It was funny and fun.

Pilgrims, Pilgrims

2007-04-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

This is the next installment of Spain, the Miniseries.

I haven’t thought much about Pilgrims since I read Canterbury Tales in college. And just to clarify, I’m not talking about the kind that came to Plymouth and began the gluttony-filled Thanksgiving tradition we all know and love here in the US. I’m talking about those pilgrims driven out of religious fervor to walk hundreds and hundreds of miles to a specific holy location to worship, pray for forgiveness/healing, or the like. Well Northern Spain, apparently, has a famous and well-traveled pilgrim route that goes all the way from the Pyrenees in France to the most western region, Galicia. It ends at the great cathedral in Santiago de Compostela. The trail is marked with scallop shells and when people successfully arrive in Santiago, they celebrate by buying and eating a scallop. Then they would hang the shell from them or their stuff to show that they’ve completed the pilgrimage.

Well this route has been popular dating back all the way to…well, a long time ago. I don’t have the guide book in front of me but suffice it to say it was probably during those ages where pilgrimages were very fashionable. Back in the Middle Ages I think. Apparently, in the 1970’s this particular pilgrimage route become popular once again, especially within more Bohemian circles.

KA and I decided to stop in to see Santiago. It has a great story and I’m always a fan of seeing beautiful old things. The city was set up on an acropolis of sorts and old stone buildings with intricate carvings were everywhere. The cathedral was certainly grand. And the fact that it was a sunshiny day with deep blue skies and big puffy white clouds only made the scene more striking. What was most striking to me about the city was that there really were pilgrims everywhere! They were sprawled out in the big square in front of the cathedral. They were laughing and talking in groups, no doubt swapping stories from their adventures. Many sat with their legs (probably swollen) propped out in front of them looking up at the spires with that silly, gleeful look I’ve often seen on the faces of people at the end of marathons and other endurance tests.

KA and I are not religious and we did not in any means walk the route to Santiago (which apparently takes 5-6 weeks). We took more modern means of transportation and drove. But since our visit was at the end of the trip, and since we’d encountered and survived many adventures prior to standing underneath those imposing towers, we felt we deserved a scallop shell too.

Here are a few pictures of the cathedral and the pilgrims visiting it.

Spain, the Miniseries

2007-04-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

On Sunday evening I got back from Spain. I’ve been there before, and I had a great time. On that trip we focused on the southern half of the country. Which meant we did all those things people generally do when they go to Spain. We walked through the Alhambra, went out in Ibiza and had tapas after a day full of Gaudi and sunshine in Barcelona. With those things checked off the list, I wanted to explore the rest of the country. I wanted to see the Northern half. Aside from San Sebastian, you hear very little about that part of the country. It was sort of a mystery. So we headed north of Madrid this time...and it was absolutely fantastic.

I’ve been thinking over the last few days a lot about specifically why it was so great. I think it’s because it really felt like an adventure. We spent most of our days exploring in our little rented Citroen C2. We had a plan but every day was full of surprise. We were forced to really understand and then live like the Spanish do. It was difficult at first but by the end, we were naturals. We encountered some small challenges (getting lost, stolen wallets, haunted places, etc.). But in the end they only made the experience richer. Each night we stayed in a historical hotel, or Parador, which meant we slept in a medieval castle, a fortress, a monastery and a couple of different manors. We went from the beaches to the snow and back again. We learned about the each of the different regions along the northern coast, and came to appreciate the relative beauty of each.

I really enjoyed southern Spain, but I fell in love with the north.

Friends had been asking this week how the trip was. It’s really hard to answer that. I can either answer it very simply by saying, “It was incredible!” Or I can go into a lot of detail—which isn’t always what people want. And when I’ve tried to give more detail, I feel like there is something serious lost in the translation. I can’t really explain how it was—you had to be there. So what I‘ve decided to do is post a little at a time, focusing on small stories from the trip. That way it is not too overwhelming for me, as the writer, or for you, as the reader. So consider this like a TV Miniseries. The next episode should be available tomorrow.

Au Revoir!

2007-04-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

I leave for Espana tomorrow! KA and I are hitting the northern coast from the French border to the Portuguese side. We're starting in Madrid and we'll be spending Easter in San Sebastian. I once spent Easter in Italy and last year I was in the Bahamas for it. I don't really celebrate Easter, but now, doing it overseas...well, it's sort of become my thing.

So, buona pasque!

Updates

2007-04-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

I got my apartment in B-more all lined up! YAY! That is a big weight off my shoulders. But I am still waiting on something even bigger: Financial Aid. Yuck.

In other news I spent last night with my “boyfriend”. I watched The Notebook.

And finally, I have a new addiction. Pink Berry. It's so yummy!! I want it ALL the time. Fortunately, and unfortunately, there's one only a couple miles away from my house. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I pass it whenever I get off the freeway to go home.

Up Next, Ryan Gosling!

2007-04-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night I was dating Ryan Gosling, from The Notebook. He was such a good boyfriend in my dream! I totally want to be dating him right now.

I think I dreamed we were dating for two reasons: 1) The Notebook came up last night during our book club meeting, and 2) I've been thinking about relationships a little bit lately because I met a nice boy (see boy story below). He is nice enough that I would maybe want to continue dating, but now he is acting strange. So I think my little sleeping mind pieced these two things together and created a perfect little love between myself and Ryan.

It was a nice dream, and when I woke up, part of me wanted to call this fictious boyfriend of mine. Instead I wrote this blog post. (sigh).

Here's the boy story:

I met him on St. Paddy's day. He is a friend of a friend. We had lots in common and enjoyed one another right away. He even came with me that night to my an ex-coworker's party after we left the bar. Even later that night I met a handful of his friends. We planned to go camping together and when we parted ways, we exchanged numbers. I heard from him the next day over myspace, we emailed a bit, he called me later in the week, and then we went out that Thursday night.

The date was great. He was a perfect gentleman and I had tons of fun with him. The next day we emailed a bit more to discuss the upcoming camping trip. And then.....NOTHING. That's right, NOTHING. No emails or phone calls beyond last Wednesday. WTF?? He seemed in to me. Boys are so strange.

Fortunately, I'm not TOO upset because the situation isn't ideal: no one likes long distance relationships and he may be rebounding (a 3 year relationsip just ended for him). So in the words of Charming, But Single, next!

Eating the Doctors

2007-03-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day at work and it hasn't been sad! It's just been very nice in fact. Yesterday they had cake for me and it was decorated with all the famous (and generally attractive!) TV doctors.

Here's a picture of the graphic on the cake.

They were going to write, "Knock 'em Dead!" on the top of the cake, but going into health care, they thought that might be a little inappropriate. Also, the Southpark character in the middle is me--although my hair is not that color, my head is not that disproportionate (I hope) and I think I dress better.

Since the cake was mine, I got to pick who I wanted to eat first. Even if it was right in the middle of the cake. So I ate Jack (from Lost), and then I ate McDreamy.

What's that you say? What's this about a double entendre? Huh?

Premature Nostalgia and the Silly Funeral Hall Paintings

2007-03-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my beautiful, wonderful friends* threw me a surprise party. I had some idea that some sort of surprise was happening. But I thought it would be much closer to the time I actually leave (which is at the beginning of May). My friend, the Wombat, came in to visit for the weekend. So I went into Friday evening expecting a good time with her. We had plans to meet up with some other friends for sushi and dancing on Saturday night. Everything went according to my plan (my plan = sushi/dancing), and then bang! Surprise! There were my mom and dad and all my friends, including my friends from out of town!! It was so incredibly fun. My only complaint is that it went too quickly. These fun nights always do, especially as the number of days standing between "now" and May 5th gets smaller.

The funny thing is that a few weeks ago, I was having one of those bad days where you feel old, ugly, fat, etc. Nothing was going right, and I thought things like "no one likes me" and "no one will care if I'm gone." So I started planning my own going away party. It was something I most definitely didn't want to plan, but several people had asked if I was doing anything before I left and no one indicated to me they would throw one on my behalf, so I (reluctantly) sent out a save-the-date for myself. Well all that was just very silly because during that time my friends were busy planning a fabulous shindig.

The party was fantastic, and it is the first time in my life I was truly surprised. In fact, I was so surprised that I actually felt uncomfortable for about a millisecond. Just because I am a bit of control-freak sometimes, and the night was supposed to go a certain way. When it didn't, it took me a minute to recover. But once I recovered I loved every minute of it all, and I continue to relish in memories of the night.

I spent Sunday with friends reliving all the details of the night, focusing on the lies they used to trick me and all the potential slip ups everyone had when they talked to me before Saturday night. When everyone was gone and I was alone late Sunday night+, I began to get sad for the first time. Prior to this point I've been happy and excited. I knew I would get sad, and I was sad at a distance when others told me how they felt about my leaving. But on Sunday the sadness hit me hard. And now that I've had that first taste, it bubbles up often. I am filling with premature nostalgia for all the little details of my life here and now.

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I have been here for over four years, but I am not sad about leaving this job or this company. The things I will miss about this place changed long ago, and I've been missing them already. The problem is that saying good-bye here is one more good-bye closer to the big good-bye; it is a large and permanent marker on the final count-down.

A few minutes ago I walked to the kitchen. I went through the mail room and cut down a quiet hallway. This hallway is lined with paintings a vendor gave the company a long time ago. They are framed in heavy, gaudy gold. They are random and some of them are ugly. They make the hallway look like a funeral parlor. But they're part of the experience one gets when they walk through the mail room, down the hall, and to the kitchen. After tomorrow I'll never see them and think "how odd" again. Will I miss these paintings and this walk? No. But they are part of this unique experience, and now that it's ending, even these silly funeral hall paintings make me sad.

*KA, General, Napper, HBo, and my Princepessa thank you so very much for planning this!!! KM, Wombat, my bro, and DJS thank you so much for coming a long way and making the party extra special! Je vous aime toujours! (It's easier to be emotional in a foreign language.)

+Fortunately, I was only REALLY sad for a very short amount of time because then I watched the Battlestar Galactica season 3 finale and again, all I can say is, "MY GOD." It was a really fantastic season ending. As usual the story continues to surprise! Go BSG!

The Secret of the Pound Puppy

2007-03-22T14:07:00.000-07:00

I've decided to share a secret with you. This is something that may make some of you think that I am silly and weird. But I am a little silly and weird, so I am going to take my chances and tell you anyway. This is the story of Toby.

I got a lot of toys and stuffed animals growing up. Whenever I got a new doll/animal/toy, it would become my favorite and any old favorite would be put on a shelf to sit quietly while I played with whatever was most new. This happened many, many times until the day I got a Pound Puppy named Toby. Toby was better then them all. Toby stuck.

I got Toby when I was 7 or 8. We were living in Taipei at the time and were visiting the US for the summer. Pound Puppies had just hit the market. I didn't even know about them until we went to this brand new, oddly-named store called Target. One of the aisles had these dog stuffed animals (and probably some eye-catching marketing material). I saw them and wanted one, but when I asked my mom she just sighed and said, "No." Why? Because I already had SO many things I didn't play with.

Later on in the trip I had some dental work done that required me to be put under. I came out from my anaesthesia-induced sleep to see my mom looking at me on the verge of tears. I looked pale, and the bloody gauze made things seem much worse then they were. The first thing she said to me was, "I'll buy you a pound puppy and whatever else you want!" So, I got a Denny's hot fudge sundae and Toby.

Toby has traveled the world with me. I even made him a passport and convinced immigration officers all over Asia to stamp the green construction-paper booklet with his hand-drawn picture in it. I once accidentally dropped him on the floor of a VERY dirty bus on a rainy night in Indonesia. I once accidentally left him in a hotel in Utah. Fortunately, the kind hotel people boxed him up and shipped him back to me.

When I had Toby for awhile I asked my mom when I wouldn't want him any more. She said something like, "One day you won't need him and then you won't be sad to let him go." Well that never really happened. I still have him and he is still on my bed. Certainly I don't NEED him now, and I sleep many many nights without him (he no longer has an active passport!), but I am used to him and I like having him around. It is nostalgic and comforting. Occasionally, especially during moves, I find myself wondering about that day when I have to stop having him around. The idea still makes me kind of sad.

Maybe Toby has become that last bit of "childhood" I am refusing to let go of.

Turn on the Light

2007-03-21T16:28:00.001-07:00

My hair has some curl to it, so when I use a curling iron it takes to the curl rather quickly. I didn't realize how fast my hair curls until one day the General and I were each curling our hair in the bathroom, prepping ourselves for our various evening plans. We started at the same time, but I was finished with my whole head in about a third of the time it took her. She already knew this about my hair, but it really surprised me.

A couple of weeks later I was in the bathroom straightening my hair. The General stopped in the hall and we began chatting. During the conversation I complained that no matter how much I went over my hair with the flat iron, it just wasn't getting straight. The General suggested I go slower, and she pointed out that her hairdresser goes REALLY slowly when he's straightening hair. So I tried that and--surprise!--it worked.

After all this time using a flat iron and being annoyed that it never REALLY created flatness, it never occurred to me to go slower. I just thought the straightening process should work as quickly as the curling iron works. But it makes sense that my (naturally curly hair) would take to curl quicker than it would take to being straightened!

And with that, another light bulb turned on.

(Even though my hair is no longer blond, sometimes the blond in me comes out.)

Turn on the Light

2007-03-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

The Thrill of it All

2007-03-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

The other day I was driving through the LBC doing some errands. I was annoyed at the traffic and took a short cut down one of the side roads. I had never been down this stretch of this particular road, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was void of people, signals, and stop signs. Which is great. But more importantly, it was one of those roads that has a series of gentle little hills--the kind that give you a little "wee" in your stomach as you peak over the top of each, like a mini roller-coaster. I LOVE driving fast over these kinds of hills. It reminds me of road trips with my family when I was younger. Whenever we approached hills like these my dad would speed up our Dodge van and quickly take us over the peaks. My brother and I, sitting in the back of the van, would put our arms up and laugh at the thrill of it all.

Stumbling upon these hills in the LBC was so fun, unexpected and reminiscent of summer travels from my youth that I couldn't drive away without going back down that stretch again. I drove back and forth a couple of times before heading off to complete the rest of my day. Even after living in the LBC for almost 4 years I am still discovering some of its treasures.

28 is the New 75

2007-03-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been trying to squeeze in visits with all my various doctors one last time before I leave. One last time before this insurance ends and I am insurance-less until I start school. On my visit to the dentist last week i was very surprised to hear that I had two cavities. TWO cavities since the last visit! This is a big deal as I have had only one cavity my whole life prior to this! And that one didn't even come until I was 23 or 24! Then bang--two more all at once! And even though one of them is not my fault (the dentist said that my tooth has a naturally deep groove in the center of it and it was just a matter of time before it turned into a cavity regardless of my brush/floss routine.), the other one is (the dentist said better flossing might have prevented it).

This sucks and it makes me feel old. My body is starting to fall apart. What's next? A hip replacement?

Wah wah.

(Just 'cause I am old now it doesn't mean I can't still whine like a baby.)

Suck it Up

2007-03-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted today. Some of it might be the time change and some of it might have to do with what I did this weekend. Maybe it was full of too much--too much food, too much dancing, too much socializing. But all in a good way. My time here is limited!

I went out dancing both Friday and Saturday night until the club/bar closed. I was up until after 3 AM each time.
I ate ridiculous amounts of fatty things including bread pudding (made from Danish and pastries), a buttery ham-and-cheese croissant sandwich, a chicken burrito from Taco Bell, and various items from an all-you-can-eat Champagne brunch at the Trump Golf Course in PV.
I worked out Friday, Saturday and Sunday doing a variety of things including a "Latin Rhythm" Salsa workout, a bike ride, some aerobics, and a running/stair-climbing beach workout.
On top of all that, I finished making a scrap book of my family's trip to Australia a few years ago, I sang with my dad's band again, and I went to a bowling-alley birthday party for KQ and G.

The net result? My voice is hoarse from talking over loud music, my feet hurt from wearing heels late into the night, I intermittently crave eating comfort food and never eating again, I have more confidence in my cha-cha, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Is it 5 PM yet???

The Good Life

2007-03-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

I have a major case of senioritis. The general called it, and she is totally right. Last week I was supposed to go to a meeting. I was even supposed to be sort of a "back-up" resource for someone's presentation. Meaning, if someone asked him a question and he didn't know the answer, I could step in and help. But the thing is, he didn't need my help. And the other thing is that this meeting is sort of stupid. Nothing ever comes out of it.
I decided not to go. At all.

Here is my justification: I am only here for a few more weeks, so I don't need to know what's coming up regarding product launches and the like.

And even though I did flake, I didn't do so without notice. I did alert the presenter-guy to my absence. I emailed, "I have too much to do today, so I'm not going to the meeting." What I didn't tell anyone was that the stuff I had to do involved internet browsing and blog reading.

I'm so finished with this career.

On another note...

I got one of the best compliments ever. KA told me "I live life well." This is something I really try to do. I try to do lots of different things, see lots of different places, meet lots of different people. I want to soak up the world. I know it is impossible to see and do everything, but I try to see and do what I can. If I REALLY want to do something, I try to make it happen. And if possible I try to get it done "now" as opposed to "later."

The only real goals I still have yet to complete that are not already in progress are 1) seeing Africa and 2) being in a truly wonderful relationship with a good man. Possibly a third item would be having kids, but I'm not sure about that one yet. All other goals, which include changing careers, having fun, "seeing the world," are works-in-progress.
And I could even argue (if I were to argue with myself) that the Africa goal is already in progress too. Because I am going to do that once I finish getting my NP degree as part of a medical volunteer thing. And my NP degree stuff has already begun.

Everyone has their own definition of what a good life is. But I really try to live my definition of one. So when I hear from someone else that I do just that, it makes me very happy.

Throw Your (Right) Hand Up

2007-03-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

So I did something incredibly unlike me recently. On a whim, I bought myself a diamond ring! I feel it is an incredibly irresponsible thing to do. Especially since I'm about to go to private school for 3 years. But it was so pretty, and I really love it! And then my Mommy told me it was okay because, "[I am] an independent 28 year old woman who can buy [my] own diamonds if [I] want." She also told me I deserve it because I work hard. I am pretty independent, but getting the green light from mom made my foolish purchase feel justified.

It's funny though, I've never really considered myself "into" diamonds and expensive jewelry. I still don't, actually. I mean I will never be one of those women who expects jewelry from my man on holidays, birthdays or anniversaries. All those commercials about how the diamonds stand for the years of your love and you can't really tell your wife you love her unless you buy her the latest trinket....it's stupid. But you know what? The "independent women of the world raise your right hand" ring campaign? The ones that run in Vogue and InStyle? Well, I like that a little bit. Maybe I like it more now because I bought in to it! Regardless, I think this ring (and perhaps one day an engagement/wedding ring) should suffice for my expensive jewelry "collection."

So I first saw the ring while I was in Vegas for BFF's bachlorette. I didn't buy it that weekend because I needed more time to talk myself into it. I made the purchase during the following week over the phone after negotiating the price down further. Last week the jeweler sent out some paperwork to sign and included a return FedEx envelope with preprinted label on it. As I was sealing the envelope I noticed the address label more closely and saw, to some surprise, that the sender of the box had an unusual name:

Yeah, I was kind of shocked at that! Did they think no one would notice? Or was it a joke that wasn't supposed to go out? I imagine most people don't even bother to read that much detail when the label is already complete and ready for shipping. But I did, and I thought it was funny.

Last night, the ring arrived and I was SO excited to wear it! Today I can't stop looking at it. It really does sparkle! Here are some pictures.

This is the picture from the store.

This is a picture of the ring on my finger.

I love surprising myself, and this ring purchase was definitely a surprise. Part of me still thinks it was completely foolish, but part of me doesn't care. Because I'm 28, and I own a diamond ring. And now I can raise my right hand. Thanks Stupid C*nt!

Wow

2007-03-07T10:57:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched the second episode of the Black Donnelly's and it was just as good as the first episode. In watching the second episode, I realized I have a wee crush on the second oldest brother, Tommy (played by Jonathan Tucker). I like him because he's cute. See?

But I also like him because he's fiercely protective, smart, and the only one of the brother's who could rise about all this mob-nonsense. However, his loyalty to his family is what keeps him going. I find that attractive. Well, not how he is violent, but how he's loyal and smart. Also there's an underlying sadness to his character. It is a big reason why he is so protective of his family, and specifically, his older brother. I won't say what it is but it's a huge part of his character and a big factor in his motivation. And somehow that is all appealing to me as well.

So let's recap: he's cute, fundamentally a good person, smart, protective, loyal, and artistically talented (that's what he's going to school for).

Then last night I saw him without his shirt on.

I am not normally drawn to muscular men. I generally prefer nice tone and a good frame over a lot of muscle. But last night when I saw Tommy sans shirt all I could do was hit pause on the DVR and think to myself, "Wow."

I REALLY wish I could have found a photo still from the Sunday episode to share with you all, but alas, I could not.

Unless you watch episode two online, you'll just have to imagine what I am talking about. And while you're doing that I will just keep on thinking, "Wow."

The Frog is a Toddler!

2007-03-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

Hey, guess what? March marks the two year anniversary of this blog. Happy blog-iversary to me and my secret online reptilian persona!

A Crystal Ball On a Stick

2007-03-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

I spent yesterday going through the closet in my old bedroom at my parents place. It felt like I spent the entire day wrapped up in memories of things forgotten. My goal was to get rid of all the stuff I no longer need, and I did, but I am glad I kept so much so that I could spend yesterday remembering. Like my mother, I tend to keep too much in an effort to preserve. Like my father, I am very organized about how I keep all this stuff. So I was faced with a very organized crap-load of stuff to wade through. At times, the stuff I came across was heart-warming, and at other times, the stuff just made me laugh. It's funny how we grow and change when we aren't paying attention:

1) Journals: I have kept journals most of my life. I am not the best at updating them regularly, but I always have one. Reading through the things that I thought journal-worthy is just funny. And I discovered many new ways in which I have grown up. Especially my printing. It used to be so neat and orderly! Now it is just much better for everyone if I only type. I blame technology for this.

2) School Work: I kept all the important school work I did for all my meaningful classes in high school and college. I was impressed with some of the papers I wrote. Not because they were so great but because when I read them now, I have no idea what I am talking about. Reading my old papers makes me sound so smart because I have forgotten almost everything specific thing I learned in school! Sure, I remember the major theories and concepts, the books that moved me and the topics I enjoyed, but I don't remember what the Sapir-Wharf hypothesis is, or how Cathexis plays a part in male-female gender dynamics. It's funny how the real world can make you so out of touch with the theoretical, academic one.

3) The Book CH, DS and JL sent me when I was in the UK: The year I was abroad, I remember being surprised at who kept in touch and who didn't. The friends I assumed would be emailing all the time, in fact, barely did at all. The friends who I didn't expect to hear from wrote all the time. Personally, I show appreciation towards friends by keeping in touch with them and doing things with them, so when some people did not do that with me, it made (makes) me feel sad and unappreciated. When some friends went above and beyond my expectations, it made (makes) me happy to have friends like them in my life. CH, DS and, their roommate at the time, JL were fantastic at keeping in touch with me while I was away. They sent letters and postcards all the time (which I kept!) and one day they even wrote a story (with pictures included) about how Hammy (their Hamster) made a run for freedom. It was hilarious and I love it. They even bound the pages with pretty lavender yarn. That is something I am going to keep. CH and DS, thanks! JL, wherever you are, I miss you!

4) Corsages: I was a sappy little high school girl who used to listen to love songs while falling asleep at night. So I guess it is not all that surprising that I also kept all my corsages from high school dances. I literally laughed out loud when I saw this:

It is a collection of my favorite corsages from my favorite dances, dried and organized by the name and date of the dance and includes the name of the lucky boy who got to take me. This didn't make it to the "keep" pile.

See what I mean about my printing though? Messy messy messy.

5) A Crystal Ball on a Stick: My parents bought me a little brass stick with a crystal ball on the end of it. It was like a wand. And when I was five I loved it. I thought it was magical and very valuable. So when burglers broke into our house when I was 7 (when we lived in Taipei). I remember running upstairs to my bedroom, retrieving it from the hiding place I kept it in, and giving an out-loud sigh of relief that the buglers had not found and taken this precious thing.

6) A Baby Tee: When I was a baby, my dad worked for a Tech Support team at a then cutting edge computer company. Their team made t-shirts that said "Ampex" on the front and had this message on the back: "Ampex Tech Support gets it up faster and keeps it up longer." This is in reference to computer systems, among other things. One of my dad's co-workers made a little baby t-shirt for me to wear. I was only 6 months old when a photo of me wearing the shirt appeared in the company newsletter, thereby making me a famous tech-support baby. This little tiny t-shirt was amongst the stuff I came across yesterday.

It's funny...a couple of years ago, my mom was cleaning out her room and came across the same t-shirt, adult sized. She gave it to me and it has since become one of my favorite sleep-shirts. So I now have a baby-sized and adult-sized version of the shirt, both of which I have worn.

5) Memoir Essays: After I graduated college I took several memoir writing classes. I came across all the things I wrote for them last night and it made me really miss that kind of writing. I guess this blog sort of taps into that same need for me, but this writing is still very different then that kind. Many of the essays focused on things I haven't forgotten, Reading them, however, made me recall details I had forgotten. And they made me feel, simultaneously, a great wave of nostalgia and a strong urge to write more.

Enough about the past....

Did anyone see last night's episode of "the best show on TV?" AKA Battlestar Gallactica? My God(s)*. Big things happened. It is actually making me sad today.

I sang two songs with my dad's band at a bar on Friday night! If you've known me long enough you know that I 1) love to sing, but 2) am very shy about doing so publicly. It was a big deal, personally, to face that fear. I didn't even want a lot of people to know about it. I did it though, and it went pretty well! Thanks HB and BD for the support!

*In BSG, there are many gods. Thus, they say, "My Gods!" when crazy things happen.

America's Next Silly TV Show

2007-03-01T10:41:00.000-08:00

"Cycle" 8 of America's Next Top Model began last night, and my disenchantment with the show grows. In its early days, the show was about young women wanting to be models. The program was less known--to the audience and to the contestants. There were no silly, staged scenarios to increase ratings. There were fewer girls acting crazy just to get attention. The judges were just themselves, and anything funny or theatrical they did was because of that alone.

Now it's all cliche. There are more melodramatic "skits" the judges do to make their grand entrances while the girls scream as though they're seeing someone really important. Like God. The girls try too hard to be the loudest, toughest, craziest, or strangest, and the judges have become caricatures of themselves. I'm sure there are "writers" somewhere suggesting, "Yeah, do more of that. Be more like this." It's all very annoying, and I had trouble watching it last night.

I do still enjoy the photo challenges though. And seeing the finished photo product is my favorite part of the show. But is it worth watching the whole hour for that? I'm not sure.

Family Above All*

2007-02-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

Did anyone watch The Black Donnelly's? The new show on NBC Monday nights? It was really good! There's an encore of the pilot this Thursday night at 10 PM. You better watch it, or I'll be sad and then my family will have to come and beat you up. I'm a quarter Irish.

LOL.

*This title is in reference to the theme and tagline behind the show.

Giving Away the Bride

2007-02-28T13:54:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was my BFF's bachlorette party in Vegas. I had a great time! It was truly fun to be out in Vegas again with (13) girlfriends. Despite staying out until 5 AM on Friday night, it was apparent that we're all a bit older. We couldn't hang as long on Saturday night and my feel only just recovered yesterday from two nights of dancing in heels.

Even though the entire weekend was really fun, I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to it. And I think the reason is because the whole event is in celebration of a wedding. And a wedding means a marriage, which means a change in our friendship. As much as people say that relationships don't change friendships, they do. Normally those changes come before the wedding day though. As soon as the friend becomes really excited and happy about her new guy, the friendship goes to the back-burner. The friend only wants to spend time with the guy. Or wants to spend most of her time with the guy. And when you're hanging out, she tries to pretend to be 100% there but she never is. So the involved girl starts bringing her guy along more. Or has to check with him before making plans with her girlfriends. I know this whole process is normal, and I totally get it, but it's still sad.

Well the problem with BFF's situation is that I have never even met her fiancee (due to logistics). This is the person that makes her happiest in the world. The person she wants to be spending the rest of her life with. The person who is supposedly going to accompany BFF, myself and my one-day husband on future travels. She is SO very excited about him and everything. And I am SO very excited that she is happy. But I don't know him...and it's hard for me to lose a large piece of her to this person I don't know.

So I wasn't 100% excited about the Bachlorette. And I don't think I'll have a chance to see BFF again before I move away. And due to school I might not even get to be at the wedding. So saying good-bye on Sunday was very, very hard, and I cried all the way to the airport.

Today I am feeling very reluctant about losing friends to great guys, and for the first time ever, I am not sad that I'm single. I am sad that most of my friends are starting not to be.

Get Your Kool On

2007-02-22T10:22:00.000-08:00

The other day I was at my parents house working on my taxes. My mom was out and my dad was washing my car. He spoils me by taking care of my car, and so I always feel like I should do something for him during those times. There usually isn't a whole lot I can do. I offered to make him lunch, but he doesn't like to stop and eat when he's busy doing things around the house. So I thought, I'll could maybe get him something refreshing to drink.

Now some history.

My dad drinks Kook-Aid. It is HIS drink. It is what he has drank all my life at every dinner and every weekend day I can think of. He always has it in a large plastic cup and he always wants a lot of ice. He always drinks red Kool-Aid and because of that, we always have a container of prepared red Kool-Aid in the door of our fridge next to the milk. Always.

Back to the story.

After my dad turned down my offer of lunch, I said, "Do you want some Kool-Aid?"

He looked up from where he was scrubbing the hood of my car down and said with a big kid-like smile, "Yeah! That would be great!"

It's been about four years since I lived with my parents, and I can't remember the last time I went to the fridge to get my dad Kool-Aid. But it was funny because I knew the routine. I knew to grab the large plastic cup and fill it up with ice, and I knew there would be Kool-Aid ready to pour. The whole process made me reflect with amusement on this little quirk of my father's. For a second it made me really appreciate home. There are certain things about how a family lives--places things are stored, lights that are turned on at night, rooms that are used for specific events, ways of doing things. You know--all the routines of daily life. The family knows these things. The family does them without thinking, without question. Anyone outside the family wouldn't know about these things. They wouldn't "live" the same as us.

The General and I have some of our own traditions. We have been roommates for four years now so in many ways we have also created some of our own "home habits." Here are some examples: 1) We use only half a paper towel each. We rip it in half and leave the other half there for later use. 2) We leave our keys in a bowl by the door. This is a carry-over from when we used to have tandem parking. 3) We only lock the bottom lock when the first one of us leaves in the morning. 4) We have sides of the sink where we leave our dirty dishes. 5) We don't generally use the house heating, but we have a little portable one the General stole from the ex that we use constantly. 6) We always try and leave a light on if one of us is still out. Right now, that means one of the floor lights near the window.

Sometimes these little habits are comforting. And it is nice to know that the people you live with--whether they are family or friends--know and follow those same habits. Maybe that's what they mean when they say there is no place like home.

(There's another post from today below. I'm very busy at work.)

The Sound of Thursday

2007-02-22T09:55:00.000-08:00

I started doing Spin before my Body Sculpting class. It's a tough two hour workout. Today was only my second day of doing them both together, and the instructor was particularly harsh in Body Sculpting. We worked with those step things (with a minimum of two risers.) We used weights and resistance bands. I've never done so many lunges and squat combinations in my life. And doing them AFTER an hour of hill work in spinning left me feeling very weak.

After class I walked to my car via a shortcut--cutting through a pretty little garden on a quaint stone path. I stepped on a stone at an angle, lost my balance and fell. I think I would have been able to right myself had my core muscles not been shaking. Whatever. I twisted my ankle, rammed my shin on a rock and said the F word loud enough for someone to come and see if I was okay. I was. Just a little sore.

Then on my drive into work, I spilled coffee all the way down my new shirt. My new ivory colored shirt. THANK GOD for Tide Pens. Seriously, it is one of my favorite things. If I were in the Sound of Music, I would have a verse in that Favorite Things song dedicated to the detergent pen. It would go like this:

Tide Pens and Sushi and Trader Joes Salsa
Battlestar Gallactica and very cheesy pasta
Fluffy down comforters and my grandmothers rings
These are a few of my favorite things

Hit the Beat Now*

2007-02-21T15:42:00.000-08:00

Whenever I have to do something that is really important, or something I am nervous about (like take a big test, run a long distance, give a big presentation) there is a moment right before it starts where my mind goes from a panic/stress mode to a calm quiet. I stress until it's time to not to, and then I think, "don't think, just go!" I go on autopilot. I take the test, run the run, present. It always works. I never freeze up.

I found out on Friday that I got into the other nursing school I was waiting on. One could argue that this school is better than the first. Personally I think it offers better programs and opportunities more in line with what I want. So I've decided to go there. I am still moving to the east coast but now much sooner. Sooner as in two months.

So I've made lists, had discussions, created spreadsheets organizing the "project." Now I need to start actually preparing for the move. Physically. I need to sort through my stuff and decide what to get rid of. There is so much I no longer want, and I am looking forward to this move being the catalyst that really drives a transition from the stuff of my youth to a leaner, more adult compilation of stuff. So this is my plan. And I need to start.

Yesterday I stood in front of my bookshelf. On every shelf there were a handful of books I didn't want to read, didn't like, or no longer feel the need to keep. But I didn't want to take anything off the bookshelf. So I just looked. I wasn't ready to dismantle. I froze up.

Today I woke up early and went for a run along the beach. It felt good to be outside after almost two months of primarily indoor exercise. On the run I decided it's time. It was a little late, but the "don't think just go!" moment happened. The tear down starts today.

*This is reference to Lisa Lisa and her Cult Jam. I've been listening to some favs from the 80's lately. I can feel the beat now. Que sera, que sera.

My Crumble Cobbler Concoction

2007-02-15T11:09:00.000-08:00

I decided to not go to class last night. There is no way I can complete the course requirements (with my upcoming move) so I figured there was no point in going. I embraced a can't do attitude; I gave in to sloth. Well, actually, I wasn't all that slothful. I decided to bake something in honor of the day. And the motivation to bake crept into a desire to cook. So I cooked a real, mom-like, balanced meal of lemon chicken, roasted sweet potatoes, and broccoli in a balsamic marinade. Then I made a mixed berry crumble. It ended up being more like a mixed berry cobbler because of several errors I made: 1) we didn't have enough flour; 2) I might have mixed the mixture too much. It said to lightly move around the flour with a fork just until moistened. I think I went a little crazy with the stirring. I am going to attribute this to stronger arm muscles (LOL); 3) I used 8 cups of berries but the recipe called for 6. It was still really good.

Which brings me to an observation. A couple of weeks ago I cooked some homemade tomato-y mac-and-cheese for a superbowl shindig. As I was making it, I could not believe the amount of cheese it called for. I'm a BIG fan of cheese, and even I had issue putting that much in. In the end I cut back slightly, used low fat where available, and did not create layers like the recipe called for. Instead of layering I created two separate pans and gave one to the General to take with her to a different superbowl party (thereby bringing cheesy goodness to the masses). When I ate some later that day I was shocked that it wasn't all that cheesy. In fact more cheese would have been good.

Last night, while making my crumble cobbler concoction, I was shocked at the amount of sugar it called for. But I dutifully packed and poured and was surprised in the end when the dessert was the perfect amount of just-right-sweet. These recipe writers really know there stuff.

As the General pointed out, if I think these dishes seem to have a lot of cheese and sugar but don't actually taste too decadent, then what about those things you eat that do? How much cheese and sugar needs to be added to make it too much? I am thinking SCARY amounts.

Dueling Philosphies

2007-02-14T11:38:00.000-08:00

I keep forgetting that it's Valentine's day. I guess I am just preoccupied with other thoughts. My day isn't full of love and pink, it is full of sore muscles and structure. Wake up, workout, go to work, go to school. The structure is punctuated with thoughts of food. I feel like eating lots of it, but I have only brought oatmeal and cliff bars and veggies with me. I am still dreaming of the fabulous Indian meal I had last night. I want more of it. I am also trying to decide if/when I should drop one of the classes I am taking. CMB convinced me to go tonight at least. We'll be doing venous punctures on mannequins. He says it's good practice, even if I will have to learn how later regardless. He has a point, but then, not going would be really nice too. My right arm still sports a large bruise where a nurse botched up a blood test last week. It hurts and it kind of turns me off to the idea of learning how to impose such bruises on other people. Well, it turns me off to the idea TODAY at least. In regards to this situation, I am stuck between the philosophy of "learn as much as you can, be the best you can be, NOW" and "why work hard today when you'll be working so hard later?" Hmm....which one to pick and run with....

Recommendations:

Mr.FOB is a super cool organization that introduces you to various ethnic foods. It takes you to the best places, provides insight into dishes not normally served here, and provides some knowledge as to the way the food should be eaten. I joined up for the Indian meal they hosted last night and was blown away at how good it was. I eat a lot of Indian food, both locally and during my time in England, and I never had any of these specific dishes. And the best part? Mr. FOB was created by a friend of mine and her fellow students attending business school right now. I love supporting the new, cool things my friends do!

I just finished reading The Memory Keeper's Daugher. It was really good. It wasn't a White Oleander, Bel Canto, Fall on Your Knees kind of good, but it was enjoyable and interesting. It deals with secrets and how they can affect the lives of everyone involved. It gave some relevant, good insight into the human psyche, and in many ways I identified with portions of the experience and with pieces of the emotion at play.

Liv at 13

2007-02-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

In the past few weeks, three strangers have told me I look like Liv Tyler. I heard this several times before, but the rate has unexpectedly increased. The latest comment came this morning in body sculpting class. For the record, I do think this sort of thing is a compliment, but I don't always see it.

One of the people who said this was pretty specific. He said, "You look just like Liv Tyler when she was 13." (He knew her then, apparently.)

I don't know what that means.

Does that mean I look younger than her now?? Does that mean I still have baby fat that she's since lost? I think he called me fat.

Kryptonite!

2007-02-12T17:37:00.000-08:00

Frac! TCN is coming to town. And he wants to meet up. I told him about the school I'm going to and he said, "We won't be very far apart. We'll have to plan a road trip in the Fall."

This is bad. He is my kryptonite.

(For more history on this boy type "TCN" in the search field above and hit "search this blog.")

Weekend Recap

2007-02-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

On Friday I had my first day of volunteering in the ER of a busy, urban hospital. It was fun! I got to do and see some cool things. Well, I guess "cool" depends on your perspective. The patients might not have used the same word. It's funny--the staff were quick to ignore me and were hesitant to be friendly at first. Many of them didn't even introduce themselves and only did so because I stuck my hand out and said, "Hi, I'm ML, the new volunteer." By the end of my shift though, the two guys I work with most were actively thinking of things to give me and then seemed surprised when my shift was over. Kind of like, "Wait...you're going now? But we have x and y for you to do!" In only four hours they were starting to trust and rely on me a little bit. I can't help but wonder if all of this--initially ignoring me, then being distant, then starting to trust and slightly depend--is a pattern related to the nature of their work. Regular crisis management has got to have some sort of side-effects on the way you deal with things.

After volunteering I went to Target to buy toothpaste and conditioner. $100 and two bags full of stuff later, I walked out. I have a love hate relationship with that store. They take so much of my money. Damn them! I do love my new stuff though...

Since 2007 began, I generally do my 5 weekly workouts in the morning. This past Saturday, however, I decided to get stuff done around the house first. And around lunch time something strange happened. I started getting really grumpy and annoyed with everything. For no reason. When I finally did make it to the gym, after a 60 min "Triathlon" workout (20 running, 20 biking, 20 swimming), my sudden and atypical bad mood began to lift. I felt good! As I was sitting in the hot tub and then in the steam room, I realized that perhaps my body is starting to depend on that "feel good" hormone release generated by exercise. I think I am addicted! It's not bad, but it is surprising. And now I am having trouble sticking to the 5X a week schedule. Now I feel compelled to exercise every day. Fortunately, my addiction to being lazy and sleeping in sometimes helps quell that urge.

On Saturday night I went to see my dad's band play. They're getting so good and I liked the restaurant they played at. It was fun hanging with BDP, her momma, and my momma. After that, I met up with the Private and a new friend of hers for drinks. This new friend is in charge of design merchandising at the Apple stores. Given that she works with a company that has it's finger on the pulse of all that is "cool" in technology right now, I wasn't surprised to discover that she is very fashionable and stylish herself. At one point in the evening she said, "You've got great hair! How do you style it?" I was thrilled! This girl, all decked out in clothes bought from expensive boutiques in New York, liked my hair.

I started catching up on my photo albums yesterday. I am very behind. The past couple of years of school-plus-work got in the way of things like this. Last night I was putting in photos from the end of 2004 and beginning of 2005. (See? I'm SO behind!). My goal is to be caught up to date with my albums before I move. That means putting in all the pictures I have already ordered (through the end of summer '05) and then ordering pictures from the Fall of 2005 through now. I'm already overwhelmed. But I shall persevere.

Photos of the...Last Month or So

2007-02-08T20:38:00.000-08:00

(I can't get the captions to line up next to the photos, so you'll have to solve the mystery).

1) My Grandmother's piano. I think it was in her family before it was hers and came from Hawaii. She's a pianist and many of the other piano players in my family (myself included) first learned on this. 2) My grandfather grows everything in his garden. This is a perfect little pineapple that was growing there over Christmas. 3)Morning light shining through big green leaves.

Because We Can

2007-02-08T20:33:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed this Newsweek article about girls being raised with influences such as Britney and Paris. I think so often we think that things are worse now. More divorce, more depression, more promiscuity, etc. And it is easy to jump to those conclusions. But I think people are pretty much the same. We (generally) have the same weaknesses and the same motivation as our parents and our parents parents and our parents parents parents. The bad only seems bigger because we have more opportunity, more access to information, and because--in true American fashion--we want things that are fast, easy, and good-feeling. When things don't feel good, we move on, I think that is why divorce rates and use of anti-depressants* are so high. It's not because people are less happy than before, it's because we have less patience for dealing with certain things and we give up faster. Because we can. It's not always necessarily the right thing to do, but I think it's normal human behavior.

It will be interesting to see what happens next.

*I am by no means saying that all people on anti-depressants are trying to implement a quick fix to unhappiness. Depression is often times a biological issue and can be corrected by the right use of medication. What I am referring to above is the quick habit to over-prescribe and/or want medication even when the issue in question is not biological.

The Long Way Round

2007-02-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

Ewan McGreggor likes motorcycles. In 2004, he and his best friend decided they should ride their motorcycles across the world. They started in London and they finished in New York. They were going to cross 20,000 miles and 12 countries in 115 days. They were going to ride through areas where people don't usually ride--places in Russia were they used to send people for punishment, areas in Mongolia where there are no roads, cities in Kazakhstan overrun by the mafia. They wanted to find sponsors but had trouble finding a good motorbike company who thought they wouldn't fail. They had trouble getting visas and trouble explaining to certain governments the why's and how's of their trip. But they did it, and they videotaped the journey. It is documented now in a six part mini-series called the Long Way Round.

I started watching it last night and I love it.

First, I love the adventure. Second, Ewan and his sidekick are very funny. Third, they have a lot of struggles to overcome, and I find myself oscillating between feelings of jealousy ("I want to explore too!"), shock ("You are crazy!"), and wonder ("The world is full of so many different things, people and places!").

It is great and I highly recommend it to anyone who has interest in seeing the world. So, I recommend it to everyone, because everyone should want to see the world.

Back to Good

2007-02-05T16:58:00.000-08:00

I know it's only Monday, but so far it is a great week. Why you ask? Because the weather is beautiful. This is how it should be in February. In fact, if I were in charge the weather would continue to be like this. Actually, if I were in charge, it would perhaps warm up slightly so that it's about 80 in the day along the beaches and about 70 at night. It would stay this way until mid-September because that is when I start to enjoy colder, Fall-like weather. And then the cold fall/winter weather would remain in effect through January 2nd. At which point, we would return to my ideal spring/summer conditions.

But, I am not in charge. So I need to maximize my enjoyment of this warm weather now. Especially since my left coast time is limited.

Today I enjoyed the day by consuming a salad while eating out in the sun, and then by having some Golden Spoon frozen yogurt, again in the sun. It was glorious.

Of course, part of the reason I am enjoying the day so much might be because life has finally gotten back to good. I am feeling the benefits of 5 weeks of working out, sleeping regularly, eating healthy. Getting into a nursing program helps too. And there are other good things going on. Here are some of them:

1) I discovered how to make the perfect cafe con leche at home. The secret? Filtering cinnamon AND brown sugar with the ground espresso. And then using toasted almond cream. C'est tres parfait! Even the General agrees.

2) My brother is coming home this weekend. CMB has recently filled in as my little brother, with all his annoying neediness. But I am ready for the brother role to go back to my actual brother. TL's neediness is never annoying. It is endearing and precious. (Yes, I am completely wrapped around TL's little finger. He knows it, I know it, it works.)

3) My BFF KM's bachlorette is coming up! I am a co-coordinator of the festivities, and I am pleased to announce all big planning details are complete. It should be lots of fun.

4) I am not hungover today. This may seem like an odd item to include on this list, but if you've known me for sometime, you know that a) I don't get hungover very often and b) when I do, it is severely disabling. I can do nothing but lay around and not move. If I move, I get sick. It's just a fact. On Friday I was hungover for the first time in a long while. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I had a true "disabled-all-day" kind of hangover. So cheers to learning that Thursday night "Weekend Warm-ups" are for warming up the weekend, not killing it.

5) Last night I accidentally watched Pride and Prejudice again (the Keira Knightly version). It was an accident because it was time to go to sleep. Only I didn't feel like sleeping, so I turned on the TV and it was just there. And it had just begun. I planned on watching only a few minutes of it (because the whole thing is recorded on our DVR)....but then I just couldn't stop...until it was over....at 1:30 AM. I really like this version of P&P. I want Darcy to fall madly and hopelessly in love with me. And then announce it while we randomly meet in a field at sunrise. Oh the romance!

Surprise!

2007-02-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

There are a few things I've learned about myself lately that surprise me:

1) I love PE! I had to take a PE course for one of the programs I was going to apply to, so I enrolled in Body Sculpting and it kicks my a** every time. And I love it. No, I love, Love, LOVE it. The instructor is great and every day is different. I am sore for days after each workout and the instructor plays the latest best music (think Justin, Fergie, Gwen, etc.). We use all different kinds of equipment (provided by the school for free!). The cost of the course is only $10 for 6 months--seriously, that means it costs $0.30 a class. That is better than any gym I can think of.

In elementary and high school I couldn't stand PE and I would do anything to get out of it. So it is odd that I am okay with it now. Odder still that I actually look forward to it.

2) I am tired of wearing jeans. Now that I only work part time and spend a lot more of my time in class and doing school related things, all I wear are jeans and I'm tired of them. I never expected that to happen. So in the last month I have made a concerted effort to purchase more non-jean pants--both the kind I can wear to work (I needed some new work pants) and the kinds I can wear on the weekend or to school.

I remember in college when it was cool to wear black pants to go out in. The standard go-out look was black pants and some tight, revealing shirt. For the last 5 or 6 years though, it's been about jeans. Jeans and some tight, revealing shirt. In light of my "wear something other than jeans" campaign, I am considering wearing slacks out. Not fancy ones and not necessarily black ones but not jeans. I just bought some nice dark brown pants and I think they'll work just perfectly.

3) I am really truly grateful for my experiences in business. I knew, logically, that I had many great business experiences that would help in nursing (especially as an advanced practice nurse), but I hadn't experienced it until recently. Managing projects, leading meetings, speaking at large conferences, creating power points, working as a team, working independently--these are all valuable skills and I think all of them will really help me going forward.

I have spent a lot of time wishing that I had figured out "what I want to do when I grow up" earlier. I have thought a lot about how much easier this would have been had I done this the first time around. I have frowned at the fact that I'm going to be 32 before I really start working as a Nurse Practitioner. But maybe now I am starting to see the value in having waited.

Surprises are fun.

Shifting Realities

2007-01-31T11:43:00.000-08:00

I got into a (great) program! Yippee!!! I am still waiting on hearing back from another school. Both programs are on the east coast though, so it is safe to say that I will be moving to the east coast sometime this summer!

Since hearing in mid-December that I didn't get into UCSF I've been working on so many back-up plans. Even back-up plans of back-up plans. And I've been acting as though I wouldn't get in anywhere (to keep my expectations low). Which means I've been trying to set it up so that I can apply to as many schools as possible and make myself as valued as possible. That means taking many random, school-specific requirements and trying to volunteer a lot. So after hearing the news that I got in this morning, and after being all happy about that, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the next few months and how they're actually going to be. There are many things I don't have to do now. And there are many things I have to do now (like figure out how I'm gonna pay for it all !)

It's strange. My whole reality is kind of shifting. But I'm not complaining.

This is a good day.

Dusty Memories

2007-01-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my post from yesterday that I lowered my bed recently. My bed has been on riser-things for almost 4 years now. In both my current apartment and my last one, this helped give much-needed storage space. Last weekend I decided I didn't want my bed up high any more. I really couldn't tell you why I decided this, but I lowered my bed on Tuesday night and it feels right.

The funny thing is that under-the-bed, at least for me, has been for all those things you can't bear to get rid of but that you don't really need. The process of lowering the bed meant taking everything out, sorting through it, packing some of it away, throwing some of it away, and getting reacquainted with all that had been forgotten. A lot of dust and a lot of memories were stirred up, and I've had strange dreams every night since about meaningful people from my past. Remembering these people has made me miss them. The dreams don't help.

And all this makes me wonder about sleeping over things. How does that affect feng shui? Do pieces of the forgotten seep in during those hours of the morning when your quite mind is empty? Does it somehow add to the sleeping experience, in the sense that you are surrounded by the stuff that has helped shape your life and who you are?

I'm not sure. But to B, G and F--I miss you and our memories. I am glad I remember.

The Year of the Bartender

2007-01-18T19:55:00.000-08:00

I haven't really been in the mood to write or read blogs lately. Part of that is because things have been crazy and I've been running around a lot (thus, not regularly at a computer). Even work has been crazy. Since work is normally the time that I do things like email, blog, plan future travels, etc., actually working during the day means I've had a less time for all those non-essential time-sucks. That doesn't mean I haven't thought about posting though.

So this is the 18th day into 2007. Here are some statistics from this year (and my experience of it) so far:

Since 2006, I have liked, flirted with and/or given my number to three separate bartenders. Nothing came of it. Good thing I'm a wizened 28 year-old. I didn't expect anything. (Well, technically, the jury is still out on one of them. I may see him tomorrow night.) Nevertheless, this bartender-in-07 thing began on New Years, and therefore 2007 is the officially the Year of the Bartender. Pour moi.

Since 2006, I have asked out one movie star. My Big Damn Hero. He never read the email in which I asked him out. Again, I expected nothing so I don't feel sad.

Since 2006, I have read one book, Lamb, about Jesus' best friend Biff. It was funny and good! Thanks CH and Y for suggesting!

Since 2006 (remember, 18 days ago) I have worked out thirteen times. This year is gonna be full of healthy living! So far, so good. My initial observations included a more constant hunger, which led me into a crazed state of snacking, along with extreme fatigue. Fortunately the stress kept me from sleeping. Which made me a little delirious earlier this week. Now I am less hungry, less tired, less stressed, and (hopefully) less heavy.

Since 2006, I have uncovered a new obsession. This new obsession is Battlestar Galactica (BSG), and watching it has improved my life (thanks Napper). Between January 1 and January 17, I watched seasons 1, 2, and the first half of 3. That's 44 episodes and one 4-hour mini-series. It has made all other TV shows less interesting for me. I love Love LOVE this show because the sub-plots and story arcs are so perfectly multilayered and complex. The characters feel like real people, torn between doing what is right and what is easy, and they are all tangled up in emotions and motives and questions about what makes us human. And, oh yeah, they're doing all this while struggling to survive.

Since 2006, two new traditions (among my friends and I) have sprung up and been adhered to:

a) Weekend Warm-Up: KA and I decided to be more social during the week. Last Thursday night we went to a great lounge in MB. It was lots of fun!

b) Sunday Night Dinner: Some of my friends and I thought a bi-weekly dinner at someone's house with home-cooked food would be fun. 'Cause we're old now and that's what old people do. Last weekend we had our first SND. A whole group of us hung out and ate yummy panini. It was nice and I look forward to future evenings.

Since 2006, I have been on jury duty (there was a HOT judge! I wanted to help him keep the bench warm), been on two unfruitful match.com dates (nothing good to report), re-calculated new school-career-path plans countless times, applied to two new nursing programs, written five essays about why I'm wonderful and every nursing school should take me, celebrated Hbo’s birthday, started the spring semester (taking three classes this time), started the process to volunteer in an ER, received a TB test, did major clean-up in my room, lowered my bed (it was up on riser things to give more under-bed storage), and...well, I guess that's all.

Now only 347 days left.

Tomorrow BFF KM comes to town. We're going to get our groove on to 80's music saturday night. If only I could find my LA Gear acid wash jean skirt and pink members only jacket...

His Love is True

2007-01-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

My Big Damn Hero posted this on his blog today:

"Cheers to all the folks who send great letters, just connecting, being cool and enjoying the access that the web provides. I really appreciate your stories and energy. Jeers to the 'I know you'll never respond to me, but you really should talk more to the fans, you know. It would be nice, you know' guilt trips. What do you know about how much I respond to letters? You just bought yourself a ticket to Ignoresville, USA with your negativity. How do you like me now?"

Ha ha. That means he doesn't respond to a lot of people.