Follow the Frog

Waiting

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:06:00 +0000

I am so nervous.

My Heavy Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:26:00 +0000

I've been meaning to post again for days but am only getting around to it now. So i am writing this from my phone as I sit in yet another training meeting....I have much to share about SG. First, I just like him so much. We had a great weekend together. But i don't want to talk too much about how great he is and how much fun we have because it might all be ending soon. Circumstances beyond my control may mean a long and/or permanent break soon. And this makes me extremely sad. I'll know more in a couple of weeks but already two days have been difficult. It doesn't help that we live an hour away, that I'm working 60 hours this week, that we won't get to see eachother this weekend, and that I'm me and have over-thinking tendencies. I'll know more on Friday, 11/21. If the news is good, he'll be visting me the next day. If things are bad, I'm not sure if/when I'll see him again.
My heart feels heavy and I want to fast forward time.

Scottish Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:39:00 +0000

I am completely twitterpated with a boy we'll call Scottish Guy (SG). We met two weeks ago and had our second date last night.

That's all I can say because I don't want to jinx it.

There's nothing I don't like about him.

End of the Trust Fund Days

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:27:00 +0000

Tomorrow is my first day working as a nurse. It's my first time working full time in awhile. The last time I worked in a real, full-time job, as part of my previous career, was the beginning of summer 2006. Though I didn't work last year, the program was "accelerated" and the hours made it feel like two full time jobs. But the past two months have been the opposite. Because the masters program isn't accelerated, for the past two months, my only regular obligations were class on Wednesday evening and Thursday evening. That's it. That meant every weekend was a five day weekend. Which meant I had so much free time that I got very little done. I read books, I became very nocturnal, and I "met" and fell in love with Edward Cullen. I occasionally worked out and I've been doing some dating. Which has actually been really fun.

The other day I went shopping with my friend AP. I was complaining about how I had to get up at 9 AM and his response was an exasperated, "It's cause you're living the life of a trust fund baby!" Sort of true, just minus the trust fund part. And that is the one thing that will be good about starting to work tomorrow. Money. For the first time, in a long while, I will be making money and not just borrowing it.

And so begins my career as a nurse. Keep your fingers crossed I don't kill anyone.

Life Recap

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:16:00 +0000

So, it's been awhile. First I was just busy to write, then I felt guilty about not having written in so long. Then today, it just felt right. So here I am.

Some quick updates:
I graduated from the first part of my program
I went to Kenya
I took (and passed) the RN licensure exam
I turned 30 and celebrated it in Vegas
I spent almost 2 months reading, lounging and sleeping. It was sinful and luxurious and I am sad it has to stop.

I start working on Monday

I am not looking forward to being a grown up again

I am in the Masters program

I started writing creatively....we'll see what comes of that

AND, I am dating again. People, in general. Well men, specifically. We'll see what comes of that too....

Now that we're all caught up, maybe I'll be better about writing in here again.

Disorganization!

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 00:40:00 +0000

My biggest pet peeve in the whole wide world: disorganization.

(But only when I'm working with disorganized people on something important. I don't care if you are personally disorganized. But if you are disorganized and we're working together, than I am VERY grumpy. This could be problematic as I move towards a healthcare career...)

Semester almost over....then I'll write about these craptastic past few months and the only two good things that happened during them: Guatemala and the visit from my mother.

Over and out.

Guatemala!

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 21:02:00 +0000

I am SO excited! I am going to Guatemala for spring break. We're doing a family-homestay language immersion thing for the first part of the week and then we're going to the jungle to see the Mayan ruins at Tikal.

I'm thrilled that I have an international trip to look forward to, especially since I had planned on doing the international program through school but recently decided against it. (They did not have the kind of thing I was looking for and it was not worth the cost, given that.)

To help pay for this trip, I recently got a job as a Research Assistant working with infectious diseases. And I LOVE infectious diseases.

YAY for my job and YAY for my travel plans.

Laugh!

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 00:45:00 +0000

If you don't laugh when you watch this, or at least smile, then you are a coldhearted unfeeling human being.

Cake Love

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:50:00 +0000

I just learned about this and it's very exciting because officially, I'm pro-cupcake (and cake).

That Kind of Week

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 02:57:00 +0000

It's that week....that week during the semester when you feel like there is no possible way to get everything done. The kind of week full of group projects resting entirely on your shoulders. The kind of week full of trying to forget someone you know you need to say good-bye to. The kind of week that you hope never happens again, though you know it probably will. Soon.

Yay, yay, school is fun.

If I survive, I get to go to NYC this weekend! It will be great but it also poses some challenges for the work looming ahead next week...but that is okay because I have my babysitting money all saved up, and I have a pretty shirt to wear. I am very easy to please.

My Baby Girl

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 18:33:00 +0000

This week I spent two days working with a very sick baby girl. In fact, I called her “Baby Girl” the entire time I was with her so that will be her nickname here too. I can’t go in to too many details (because of the law), but I will say that she is pretty sick, but it is likely that she will be okay. Despite her medical conditions, she is alert, responsive, and adorable. She’s been in the hospital since she was born. Her parents are young, not married, big smokers and not very involved in her life. They didn’t see her the entire two days I was there. She craves contact from people and seems hungry for attention. I got her to smile for me and after awhile she seemed to recognize me (I was probably the only constant thing in her life for 48 hours). And because of all the above, I completely fell in love with her. The problem with this situation is that I’m too connected. I keep thinking about her (and crying) and wanting to go see her. But I can’t. She’s not my baby girl. All I can do is hope a good life for her.

She might be the first patient I’ve had that is really going to stick with me. I wonder if I’ll remember her forever.

Mitch Albom’s book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, is about the people you meet when you die, to help you process what your life was about. They aren’t necessarily the people you remember as important to you, or even people you remember at all. They are just 5 random people that influenced the shape of “you” in some way. I didn’t love the book or necessarily buy in to the concept, but it was an interesting idea that I’ve never forgotten.

If that is how life and death work, maybe, in some small way, I would be one of those people for this Baby Girl.

California-itis

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:19:00 +0000

Each year, for the past few years, I have gotten bronchitis or a bronchitis-like respiratory illness in the fall. This past fall, not only did I not get one, but I didn't even get a cold. Which was amazing considering: a) my stress levels and irregular sleep patterns b) the amount of time I spend in hospitals around sick people, and c) that I now live in a much colder environment requiring bundling when you're outside and heat when you're in. When I was home for Christmas, I realized all this, and smugly gave myself a virtual pat on the back for being healthy.

By the time I got on my red-eye back to B'more, I had the first signs of a cough. And I blamed Southern California.

My cough ran its course and by early to mid-January it was gone for the most part.

But then...I got a bad cold. I thought maybe it was just an encore presentation of my Cali-induced winter cough. A little perk for going out dancing before I was actually ready for such activities. Whatever it was, it went away last week.

But then...I started coughing again. Last night, in fact.

I'd like to continue thinking that my theory still stands. That I don't get sick in MD and that this is merely a continuation of my So Cal Disease. But the half nurse in me knows that is probably not true. Maybe karma is giving me a little kick for wrongfully assuming that the life I lead here is healthy.

OH MY GOD

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 21:20:00 +0000

Why do we do things that we know aren't good for us? Or, why do we choose to do things less good for us when we know there are better options??

Here are some examples of this in my life.

I KNOW I feel so good after I work out. And I'm generally good about doing so regularly, but I usually don't want to. And I often find reasons not to. Why???

I KNOW the kinds of guys I should avoid getting involved with. I know it so well I could write a book about it. And I think I give (or am capable of giving) pretty good advice to others about how to avoid these very guys. But sometimes I continue to make bad decisions. Why???

I KNOW I like to do well in school. And I know I hate to be up late the new night before an exam cramming. I plan to do a little bit of work each day. I spend many minutes figuring out the best way to organize my time most efficiently. Then I proceed to not follow my well-calculated plan and spend the night before the exam cramming. Why???

I used to think that you get smarter as you get older. And in many ways you do. You see, I am now smart enough to know that I do these things. I am smart enough to know that these behavioral patterns typically involve some sort of self-lie. Some sort of whispered non-truth along the lines of, "Working out tomorrow before school is better than doing it tonight," and "Maybe that 26 year old bartender really isn't just looking to get some." Yes, I am smart enough to know that this happens somewhere in my head at some point on that slippery slope. I am even aware of the psychology behind WHY I do some of these things. But I am still not smart enough to NOT do them.

When does that happen? When do you get smart enough to start acting smart all the time??

Last week I was walking with a friend and across the street a woman sitting at the bus stop spontaneously yelled out loud to no one in particular, "OH MY GOD!" It was exactly the kind of thing I feel like doing sometimes.

Song of the Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 22:56:00 +0000

Do you ever stumble across a song that describes your current mood perfectly? So perfectly that you just want to crawl up inside the song and be a part of it? Because nothing else gets you as much as that song does???

Yes, these are the thoughts of a burnt out student who would rather do anything but study...

Marketing Plug

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:23:00 +0000

I think this is kind of the coolest new product I've seen in a long time. Someone gave me a pack of these as a gift and everyone I've given one to since really loves it. It's a great way of making a card, more than just a card. And helping the earth at the same time!

I used my last card today to thank my clinical instructor for his thorough guidance over the past 7 weeks.

Making someone smile AND helping save the world...I guess that's just how I roll these days. : )

DRUGS!

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:13:00 +0000

This is a little taste of my how I spent my Friday night.

(Click on the link! It's funny!)

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...now that I am inside

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 22:23:00 +0000

I had a hard final today and I’m behind in studying for my next two exams, but none of that matters because is it snowing. And that is a VERY big deal. Mainly because I’ve never lived in a place where it snows. And even though I’ve skied several times and traveled to snowy areas, I have very rarely spent a day in a place where it snows a lot. All day long. Until perfect puffy white piles lay nestled onto trees, ledges, and rooftops everywhere.

I always heard—from the people that know—that it doesn’t snow much in B’more. And when it does, it’s not for long, it doesn’t stick, and it doesn’t happen until Jan/Feb. So you can imagine my surprise when I noticed some flaky white things in the air as I drove to school today. And then my surprise when I got out of my final to see the world swept under a blanket of white. This, by the way, makes any city look beautiful. Between each class I ran up to the closest window (along with the other Cali kids) to see if the snow was still there. And each time, I could not help but point out to anyone who was near me that "It was snowing!" The kids from New England really loved that.

During the last few weeks I have been on a bit of a learning curve in terms of cold weather. I’ve learned that my warm jackets from California aren’t warm. And after realizing that the hard way, I’ve acquired a few real jackets and discovered things like “puffers” (wearable down comforters). So now I “know” how to do cold and I’ve got the right materials. When the weather station said there would be snow today, I thought to myself, “That’s probably not going to happen.” And then I smugly put on my leather riding boots and big puffer jacket knowing that snow or not, I’m totally down with the cold weather and can survive anything now that I am a seasoned resident of a wintry city. “Bring it on” I thought, as I left my apartment (where the thermostat is pretty much always above 75).

So I expected cold, but I did not expect to climb another steep section of my “Life in B’more” learning curve. When I walked back to my car after school I noticed that the pretty puffy white blanket I admired all day long also covered my car. Six hours of puffy white blanket, in fact. I almost passed my car ‘cause I did not recognize the shapeless white monstrosity it had become.

I saw other people wiping their cars off before driving with scraping thingies. So I thought maybe I should do the same. I put my stuff inside the car and discovered how heavy a trunk lid full of snow can be. When I finally propped it open, a bunch of snow fell in. Joy. Then, the only tool I could find to scrap my windows off with was a water bottle. The snow had not become icy so it actually worked quite well, but I didn’t have any gloves on. That was fine for a bit, but after five minutes outside shuffling snow off my car with a water bottle, I sorta lost feeling in my fingers.

More things I realized from the day’s adventures: windshield wipers aren’t just for rain; snow melts into water and then you become wet; wear gloves when handling large amounts of icy material outside; and, appreciate parking in an indoor garage.

After warming up and changing into better snow clothes, I went out to photograph the experience.

These are the rain boots the General got me for my b-day. They came in handy during my photo break!

These are snowflakes on my glove.

A Hippopotamus for Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:04:00 +0000

I feel like I'm hibernating. Seriously, all I want to do is sleep and eat sweet potato soup (well, I'll anything that's warm and comforting and right now, that happens to be sweet potato soup). But since I cannot just eat and sleep, and since I have to motivate for finals, I am trying to make my apartment conducive to studying...

...so I decorated for Xmas. The heat is back on and it's nice and warm. And Christmas decorations need thermal PJ's and Christmas music, right?? So I'm not doing much studying. I am, however, being productive in other ways. I'm making a lot of sweet potato soup and working on all your Christmas gifts!!! So you should thank me for being a big fat lazy student.

Here are pictures of my decorations. They're not much but it works. The tree is a living Christmas tree. I am hoping that he brings some good ROI for future Christmases.

Since I'm listening to a lot of Christmas music, I'm learning the lyrics to many random Christmas songs. One of the songs the local Christmas radio station plays over and over again is called I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. It's so annoying and I used to dislike it, but now I find myself humming it throughout the day.

Check out these lyrics:

No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses/ I only like hippopotamuses

Mom says the hippo would eat me up but then/Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian

What is more fun than a Christmas hippo?

The Cold and the Crab

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 21:45:00 +0000

It's cold. And they turned my heat off for the next 48 hours to fix something. I guess it's better they do this sort of thing now, before the 30/40 degree temperatures turn into 20 degree ones. All the real Marylanders would laugh to hear me complain, but I am a brand new one (been a resident for a day!) So as this California transplant sits here typing I am forced to rely on wearing fleece clothing and keeping a very old heating pad (circa 1970??? stolen from my momma) on my lap.

It's funny. The weather has become so much more a part of my life here. It's almost like a friend or neighbor. Every morning I wonder what it's got in store for the day. And every evening I wonder what the next few nights will be like. And it can vary so suddenly...it always keeps me on my toes. The thing is, I kind of like it. Sure, I don't like being too cold and I don't like when I make the wrong decision about what jacket to bring, sleeping with the window open, or forgetting my umbrella, but for the most part I kind of like it. Each season is an "event" now. It really makes the passing of time more interesting.

In Southern California, I only thought about the weather when we had some. Which wasn't very often. And, in my opinion, there were only three seasons that tended to blend together... clear/sunny/warm, hot/dry/Santa Ana's, and the days of "just-cold-enough-to-wear-that-new-scarf-as-long-as-the-only-thing-on-under-it-is-as-thick-as-a-t-shirt" cold.
Yeah. Right now, I am cold. But I like it. Soon my So Cal blood will thicken up. And then living here in the winter and sporting a drivers license with a CRAB* on it, will feel normal.

It's true...MD drivers licences do have crabs on them. Crab is a big deal here.

Duck, Duck, Goose

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 17:23:00 +0000

It’s cold. And apparently, it’s going to get colder. It made me realize, more clearly, how my Southern California winter clothes just aren’t...well...real winter clothes. My jackets are cute, but they’re not all that warm. And they tend to be all more for a professional/work-oriented look. Some of my sweaters were bought several years ago, when I spent a lot more time in Chicago. With the ever popular low-rise pants trend, my sweaters have become more and more (unintentionally) cropped. Belly-button length. So that when you reach for something everyone sees your tummy. It’s very annoying.

So during this last week, when temps got down into the 30’s and 40’s, I bought some much needed sweaters and jackets. I love them all and can’t wait to wrap up in their warm goodness. One in particular is fabulous! It’s filled with down and goose feathers and it’s like wearing a (stylish) comforter when you walk around. The other day I was walking to the bus (in the dark, at 6 AM in 30 degree weather with an even colder wind-chill) and I couldn’t even feel the wind thanks to my beautiful new jacket. It occurred to me while I stood waiting for the bus with a sweaty back, that I totally get how the ducks do it. That is, how they survive the elements. With my new jacket, I too could become a duck.

Go Straight, Then Turn

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 18:57:00 +0000

I'm a bad blogger. I realize this. And I want to write SO much more right now, but I can't. So I will just say a few quick things.

1) My favorite 7-11 guy has moved away! We didn't get to say good-bye! I told the other 7-11 guy to tell my favorite one that I said hi (they're friends). But he pointed out that he didn't know how he'd be able to let him know that the message is from me. And he had a point: we don't know each other's names. All I really knew about him was that he was from India and he worked in the mornings. So, wherever you are Mr. 7-11 man, good-bye and thanks for all the cheerful chatter on those early morning coffee runs! You added something good to my initial B'more days. And I appreciate it.

2) Is it wrong not to go out with someone again because you feel like they are just way too unpolished (in the ways of the world) and would require too much "training?"

3) I HATE HATE HATE driving in Washington DC. I get lost EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It took me an hour just to get to the highway. Streets are all at strange angles, which messes with my normally pretty good internal compass. And the names just change suddenly. I got directions saying "continue on L street then turn right on New York." Simple, right? But then L street turned into something else before New York was an option. So that meant turning around on haphazardly angled one way streets. And that lead to coming across an entirely new area with no recognizable street names. Which meant another gas station visit for guidance along the lines of "Go straight and then turn" was warranted. The good news? I made it home.

Too bad the cheap commuter train doesn't work on the weekends.

Jacket Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:00:00 +0000

I have a crush on a boy. He's okay, but it's more a crush of desperation. There are only about 10 guys in my program and most of them are gay. And then there's this guy. I spend most of my Thursday and Friday days with him and usually I am exhausted. Long days together + fatigue-induced spacey-ness + a general lack of supply in the boy department = crush.

Today he loaned me his jacket because he noticed I was cold. I thought that warranted a blog post.

Back to work, back to work, back to work.

LOL Funny Ad

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 01:58:00 +0000

I am not someone who literally laughs out loud all that often. It takes a certain kind of humor to make me do that. Joss Whedon has it. My friends CH, Y, and DJS have it. The Office has it. And...this commercial does too. I actually did LOL when I watched it.

Oscillating Realities

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 00:32:00 +0000

Well I survived last week. KA came as planned and I had a fantastic time. I’m sort of in love with New England. The Berkshires (Northwest corner of Massachusetts) and southwestern Vermont are stunning. We were only there for a weekend but those two days were full of big puffy clouds, gorgeous rolling hills of fall-colored trees, and scattered picture perfect farms. KA and I drove around, exploring and stopping for things like apple picking and having a beer break while sitting on a lake. I know that New England gets a bad rap for winter weather, and I might love it less were I to experience one, but as of right now, I am ready to move up there.

It was also really wonderful to have someone from home visit. It was strange though… my life now is so drastically different from my life in Southern California. Sometimes it feels awkward to oscillate between them. I never got to really write it about this before but when I went home at the end of the summer, being back there made me feel like my life in Baltimore was just a dream. Like it didn’t really exist except for in my head, or like it was a book I read about someone else’s life. While it felt good to be back at home where everything felt naturally “right,” I didn’t like the fact that the life I had worked so hard to create in Baltimore just suddenly felt non-existent. I think it’s because at home, in LA, there is so little cross over to my reality here. And it made me sad…no one at home really knows anything about my life here. Sure, they know what I tell them and they see the pictures I share, but they have absolutely no part of it. And that’s isolating. Normal, but isolating.

I so dreaded coming back here at the end of my So Cal trip, but once I got back here, I was glad to be back and it felt good that it felt like home. This semester has been incredibly better than last semester. The classes are better, my rotations are better, everything is more in sync. But today I am missing home a bit and I’m sad I won’t be going home for thanksgiving.

Regardless of all this introspective nonsense, I had a fantastic time this weekend seeing a new part of the US and hanging out with KA, and I can’t wait for HBo to visit in November!

Coming later this week: some updated stories to share about my adventures in Labor and Delivery!

Such Great Heights

noreply@blogger.com (Follow the Frog) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:47:00 +0000

This past weekend (and this week so far) has been like a week spent in School Hell. I know I've stressed in the past and complained about work, but this time...well, this time it was enough to send me into a panic attack type thing on Sunday evening. I was so immobilized by not knowing when to do it all that I had to call my mom and cry. Then I emailed a teacher and asked for an extension on one of my papers. Fortunately, two things happened:

1) After my panic attack, I got my a** in gear and proceeded to get a pretty high grade (comparatively) on a very hard pathophysiology exam where most of the questions were taken verbatim from over 200 pages of detailed, science-heavy textbook reading.

2) My professor decided to extend the deadline on the assignment I emailed about. Problem is, she extended it to Monday morning and I need to be done with it by Thursday evening. So the added cushion does me no good.

Thus...my panic and stress still lie at what has become a way too high baseline.

Good news?? KA comes to visit on Thursday (which is why I want to be done with everything by then). I can't wait for the weekend and I can't wait to relax and frolic in the fall Berkshire sunshine without having to worry about metabolic acidosis.

And now, back to studying.